For all my Grumpy friends


I told you it wouldn’t be long
before another Grumpy Monday came your way

It’s NO coincidence that I was forced to play with the clocks last night!
(Whose Daylight are they saving again?)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
in the Monday Grumpy Monday Series

I never dreamed this Series would be missed

I have gotten a few comments on Monday posts from other Series wondering what happened to the Grumpy ones.

I’ve also gotten [only] a few from readers whose comments seemed as if they believe I need an “attitude adjustment,” not so fond of my intended-to-be-slightly-humorous “negativity.”

Regular readers know that my mood varies, but that most of my posts are clearly on the positive side of the ledger.

They have also gotten used to the idea that nothing has a permanent slot on ADDandSoMuchMORE.com, no doubt — much to Guest-Bloggin’ TinkerToy‘s chagrin.

Content rotates between the many Series here – kinda’ like a timeshare.

Life has kept me pretty slammed of late, so documenting my disgruntlements didn’t seem like a wise use of time.  But here’s something that keeps popping up, all the more annoying on Mondays.

Cookie Banners

Yeah, yeah, yeah – I know it’s the law in some places, and I know that, for a lot of bloggers, the placement is set through a WordPress widget you can’t adjust.

But which WordPress wizard had the screwy idea to make it cover up the WordPress follow button?

Here’s an idea, all you WordPress coders who clearly never blog but think you might know better what we need than we do anyway: how about placing it at the very TOP of the site, and letting us scroll past it?

I KNOW, btw — I can make it go away by clicking on it. But did you ever read the words on those banners?  Close and ACCEPT.

  • Accept cookies?
  • Give my permission to track me all over the internet?
  • Never gonna’ happen – unless you also promise me a lifetime supply of the Girl Scout kind of cookies. (wait – I can’t eat them now that I’m gluten free)
  • Correction: NEVER gonna’ happen!

Did YOU know that you can change the setting “backstage” somewhere to make that banner go away on its own after 30 seconds? (maybe in “widgets” in the Appearance category?)

Do that, okay?
It’s a really annoying chronic distraction otherwise.

NEWSFLASH!  The always supportive and informative Chris, the Story Reading Ape, just posted an extremely clear ‘how-to’ on his blog – and you can even make it go away after TEN seconds.  Click below to read it and DO it!

EU Cookie Law Banner Timed Appearance…

But speaking of really annoying . . .

‘Sup with these nuisance laws anyway? A bunch of middle-aged white guys get together over a legislative lunch to figure out a way NOT to solve the underlying problem?

It’s not like sites are gonna’ STOP using cookies if we don’t click, right?

Well, I may not be able to stop the beatings,
but you’ll never get me to say, “Beat me, Daddy!”

Related Post: What’s the Deal with Cookie Consent Notice

What makes anybody think this is a good idea?

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Lousy 21st Century Ideas


Ego-fueled ideas from
already wealthy “just business” people
(with too much money and too little heart-centered education)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
Back to the Monday-Grumpy-Monday Series

Are 21st Century Capitalists Taking America Backwards?

Each year during the Christmas Season I seek out my favorite classic Christmas films to watch again: White Christmas, Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Carol, and many other films that have stood the test of time with a jaded American public.

This year I finally located one of my lesser-known favorites, “A Christmas Memory,” adapted from a short story by Truman Capote, originally published in Mademoiselle magazine in December 1956, and reprinted in The Selected Writings of Truman Capote in 1963.

The largely autobiographical story takes place in the 1930s, beautifully recreating a period in the lives of the seven-year-old narrator and an elderly woman who is his distant cousin and best friend.

The evocative narrative focuses on country life, friendship, and the joy of giving during the Christmas season, and it also gently yet poignantly touches on loneliness and loss.

Now a holiday classic, “A Christmas Memory” has been broadcast, recorded, filmed, and staged multiple times, in award-winning productions. ~ From Wikipedia

Wait! Remakes?

I don’t particularly care for remakes. It makes me sad and more than a little unsettled almost every time the marketing for yet another remake darkens my horizon.

There is SO much writing talent that studio executives could hire to create new films.  Piles of potentially brilliant new films languish unread or are returned unopened by those hot-shot decision makers.

I suppose there are remakes that improve over the original production but, for the most part, it is only through the corrupted lenses of ego and corporate capitalism that I can understand the rationale behind remakes at all.

However, I strongly prefer remakes to the rude and ham-fisted
alteration of the originals I see far too often today.

For those who don’t know

Classic black and white films were crafted by professional cinematographers – artists – who understood the interplay between light and shadow and used it to visual effect to underscore the themes of each of the scenes in those films. Some of those old films (and old black and white photos) are visual masterpieces.

Many of the films I still adore were created at a time when the use of color was either nonexistent or a new and novel technology that had not yet proven its worth as a studio investment.

I cherish the dramatic nuance in those old black and white films, which is obliterated in the colorized versions. Actually, one of the worst things about the colorization of black and white films is that what works beautifully in black and white may not necessarily work at all in color.

Related: Read more about the artistic merits of black and white films below
25 Black & White Films for People Who Don’t Like Them

History’s demise?

Unfortunately, it is getting more and more difficult to find classic films that have not been colored over — “thanks” to money-rich and education-poor “entrepreneurs” obsessed with acquiring more wealth than most of us would spend in several lifetimes, selling their colorized versions to new “markets.”

And, since art education is no longer considered worthy of inclusion in our common-core public education curriculum, much of the American public actually considers the colorized versions better.

They actually seek them out, eager to purchase or rent – further lining the pockets of those narrowly educated, 1% just-business capitalists.

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Whose Daylight were they Saving?


TIME is tough enough to track
Do they HAVE to make it harder?

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
in the Monday Grumpy Monday Series

How crazy is this?

Springing and falling, backwards and forwards.  Add an hour, take and hour, walk around your house resetting all your clocks just because somebody said so.  And let’s all pray that we remembered which way the big hand is supposed to go and didn’t move the little hand.

GIVE ME A BREAK! 

What’s the point of attempting to figure out this tracking time business AT ALL if they’re allowed to move it around willy-nilly?

Don’t they understand that they are messing with everybody’s chronorhythms?

Surely I’m not the only one who thinks this save the daylight scam is t-totally nuts.

If it weren’t already confusing enough, some places change the clock, others don’t, and some change it in the other direction!

Take Figi, for example. Their clocks went forward this past weekend, skipping from two to three o’clock, without passing go.

Yet here in America, we went from two o’clock to one o’clock.  On the very same day???

‘Sup with THAT?!

And THEN they have to add what I guess they think is springingly/fallingly cuteness to their reminders.  I don’t know if they’re really trying to help or dead set to addle what’s left of my brain.

What makes anybody think this is a good idea?

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DAILY email? Get a life! (and leave mine in peace)


PUSH Marketing is the devil’s spawn
NOBODY thinks your info is urgent

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
in the Monday Grumpy Monday Series

Help — I’m choking on e-glut!

Is anybody else old enough to remember when we used to be inundated with telephone marketing – usually at dinner time?  It used to make my parents furious.

Well, I just spent two solid hours on Friday, Saturday and Sunday “catching up on my email.”

What that means is that I spent almost all of that time deleting the unasked for and the unwanteds.  Hundreds of  HUNDREDS!  And there went my email time budget for each day.

At least telephone marketers didn’t used to be able to gang-bang your phone. If the phone was busy they had to leave a voice message, which encouraged more than a few to hang up and move on, I’m sure.

I’d gladly return to the bad ole’ days. At least I’d have the option of putting my phone in the next room under a mountain of pillows and setting alarms for phone appointments.  It’s gotten to the point where I’d do almost anything to dam the River E-spam before its rising tides jump the banks!

No way to filter the stuff

Mind you, I’m not even considering a mailbox full of what almost all of us would consider “legitimate” spam — those emails with very little reason for existing beyond their appeal to a particular vertical market that used to be -um- serviced by those under-the-counter magazines.

  • My spam filter takes care of the Viagra and enlargement ads, as well as the offers to Meet Hot Babes online.  All I have to do there is empty the folder – which I do without even scanning the subject lines first, by the way.  No TIME!
  • I have set filters to auto-trash all email with “Last Chance” or “Reminder” in the subject line.  Even if some e-thing was informing me of my last chance to collect a guaranteed bazillion dollars, it is doubtful I would be able to find the email explaining how to collect it before the deadline was long-gone anyway.  I don’t want to know about it.

I’m grumpy today about MARKETING spam

Nothing can protect any of us from that avalanche of “useful” information pushed our way that contains little more than sales and marketing offers masquerading as legitimate information.

If I had actually signed up for every single one of those Mailing Lists, I would have to have done nothing else in the last year!

And I have learned the hard way that it is a complete waste of time to attempt to get OFF the darned things.  They pop up again like fleas in the summertime. There seems to be no way to eradicate all the eggs – at least not if you have anything else planned for your time.
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SHAME on the nasties who pirate Intellectual Property


Grumpy again today
– another [unfortunate] addition to the languishing Series
Monday Grumpy Monday –

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

AGAIN – Discouraged, Weary and Worried

Our world seems to be rapidly going to hell in a handbag, as they say.

I just read an article put together by Daily (w)rite author Damyanti Biswas.

In it, she takes on the topic of “pirating” in a courageous and thought-provoking article: Are Readers Entitled to Read Books for Free?

Damyanti is one of the many writers who follow and support what I do here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com. It’s my turn to support back, even though this is sort-of “off-topic” when you consider the usual scope of my articles.

Calling out all pirates

It has come to my attention that the beyond nasty practice of “eBook pirating” (let’s call a spade a spade: STEALING) seems to be getting increasingly worse — to the point where more than a few of us are inspired to spend even more of the precious minutes of our lives to call out the perpetrators, adding to the hours we spend to make it possible for us to publish what we write for the benefit and enjoyment of all.

In addition to linking to a site that helps you find out if anyone is pirating your work, Damyanti cites and links to Sarah Madison‘s article taking on the eBook piracy topic as well, in an even more strongly worded fashion: Dear Broke Reader: Your Sense of Entitlement is Killing Me.

There is NO justification for stealing an author’s work. Ever!

As Megan Lembach reminds everyone in her comment on Sarah’s article:

The cost of an eBook is 1-2 cups of coffee at Starbucks and often books are much less than a cup of coffee at Starbucks.

Damyanti nicely handles the “too broke to buy” lame excuses within her article:

“There are various ways of reading books for free or for small change: libraries, Bookbub, Kindle Unlimited to name but a few”

Even if you don’t have time to actually read these posts, I would consider it a personal favor if every single one of you who has ever benefited from anything I post here for free would take a minute to click the links above, then click “like” or leave a quick comment to show support for the respect that article and book creation deserves.

Because, believe it or not, those scummy thieves seem to be receiving more support than the hard-working authors! Internet Trolls have banded together to actually defend the practice, attacking the authors in a number of truly nasty ways.

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Top 10 Reasons Why Summer Needs to take Early Retirement


It’s been a fine affair
(But now it’s over)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Swan Song for Summer?

It’s barely June and already I yearn for September’s end.

What is it they say about dead fish and houseguests? It’s been a fortnight more than three days since the temperature curdled.

My house fairly reeks of summer.

If it were to last but a single month, summer might be grudgingly acceptable, if only to keep peace between the much-anticipated spring and the loveliness of  autumn.

But someone simply must tell it firmly that four entire months of summer is really three too long.

I’m here to state the arguments for same.

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Are Internet Marketers Today’s Smarmy Used-Car Salesmen?


I used to LOVE “Related Content”
(but SELDOM when a link took me to a Internet Marketer!)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Community building on the internet

I am one of those rare readers who actually investigates Related Content links on the articles of the blogs I follow, time permitting.

I also spend a great deal of my time looking for posts that I can link as Related Content to the ones I write myself.  I like to imagine that readers who have the time and inclination might be interested in delving deeper into a particular subject than even my general preference for long-form articles can provide.

I am aware that only a very small number will actually click the links I provide at the bottom of most of my posts, but the readers who do have let me know that they find them interesting and valuable.  In addition to catching up with older content they missed on ADDandSoMuchMORE.com, many have found new blogs and bloggers to follow. Others have developed new bloggy friendships as a result.  I know I have. The sharing is one of the things I love about the blogging community.

HOWEVER, the rapid proliferation of Internet Marketing and over-emphasis on SEO (Search Engine Optimization) has not only made it increasingly difficult to locate content I am willing to pass along, it is starting to make me wary of clicking the links I stumble across on my journeys ’round the ‘net.

Like misbehaving toddlers, more and more bloggers seem willing to attempt whatever they think will work to FORCE our attention to what they have to sell to us any time the faintest opportunity enters their SEO increase-sales-obsessed “brains.”  They make me crazy(er), and just might chase me off the internet eventually.

I do NOT heart email fishing forms

This is not the first post in which I have ranted about how terribly rude and distracting I find pop-ups, slide-overs, and those hyperactive-three-year-old wiggling-jiggling “look here” means of advertising to me.

Yes, I understand that bloggers want to – as the “gurus” say – insert a call-to-action that might allow them a bit of remuneration for the immense amount of time they spend on the content they share.  That seems fair.

I get it that a great many authors write blogs to entice people into buying their books, or that off-site storage companies, for example, might host “organize your stuff” blogs.  That’s okay by me too.

I have no problem with the concept, and I have found some of those blogs to be filled with information that is useful or intellectually compelling. I’ve even been motivated to fork over a few hard-earned shekels on some of those sites.

My quarrel is with the methods of the others.

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Rarely Proud to be an American Anymore


How did our country become so selfish?
An interaction that left me Grumpy – and it’s not even Monday!

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
in the Monday Grumpy Monday Series

Walkin’ my Dog

As someone who moved around a lot throughout my life, I am currently living a considerably more isolated life than I would prefer because I have landed in a town I can’t really understand – Cincinnati, Ohio.

From my experience, at least, Cincinnati seems to be one of those towns I’ve come to call “passport towns.”

An introduction from somebody who’s grown up here – or lived here for most of his or her life – seems to be a prerequisite for even so much as a welcoming smile many days, and certainly the passport needed to develop a community of true friends. Since my move here several years ago, I have found myself quite lonely as a result.

True friends share each others’ lives, not merely conversations in passing or occasional calls for help or understanding in times of trouble. Most of my friends are scattered across the nation, so I frequently get a hankering for a a bit of face-to-face interaction, even though, since Kate Kelly’s passing, I no longer know anyone in Cincinnati I could count among my true friends.

Enforced isolation is something I have not experienced since, many years ago now, I first moved to New Orleans, Louisiana for grad school – another passport town. That surprised me, by the way. I’ve always made friends easily, and it’s extremely rare to need a passport in the South. But I think I finally figured it out.

Commonalities

I’ve observed that the two towns I mentioned are alike in this way: people who grow up there tend to stay put or move back “home,” perhaps because they finally tire of living in some other passport town where they couldn’t develop a community of friends either. In any case, a great many of the residents of these towns seem disinclined to widen their circles to include a stranger without the requisite introduction from a local.

Taking my own advice (from the Series I have been writing on loneliness and isolation), my little dog TinkerToy and I get out several times a day – and I smile warmly at everyone I pass on our walks around the neighborhood (even if they don’t return my smile). I engage anyone who seems the least bit friendly in a passing conversation.

“Hi, how are you?”
“Don’t you just love (or hate) this weather?”

When I notice an expression on a face that seems to indicate that they are about to bring our little chat to a close, I wave them on and tell them I hope they have a nice day.

Related posts:
The Importance of Community to Health
When You’re Longing for Connection

But passport towns are not the central point of today’s post.
Walking my dog is how I came to meet Staff Sergeant Brown.

Some actual connection

My little Shih Tzu TinkerToy and I frequently pass a small cigarettes-snacks-and-beer store that serves the many college students in this section of the walking neighborhood I currently call home. Staff Sergeant Brown was sitting on a stoop out in front, keeping watch on two large garbage bags bulging with cans.

Do you know what he can get for those cans these days?  A whole thirty cents – per pound.

And that’s how this courageous, 63 year old veteran of FOUR wars is currently supporting himself – because he is too proud to beg.

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Science CONFIRMS what we have always known – again


Let’s Hear It for Confirmation?

WHY are Common Sense & “Anecdotal” Evidence SUSPECT
until scientists obtain funding to “verify” what we already know?

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Modern Media Headline News?

I really must stop reading the paper!

Anger and frustration grow increasingly stronger, page after page, reading even the headlines. When there is absolutely nothing one can do about what one reads, they are such uncomfortable, unproductive emotions.

I have come to expect various negative emotions whenever I read what passes for political commentary and coverage. I’m never sure which makes me crazier: what most of the politicians say and do or what most of the “news” reporters write about what the politicians say and do.

No longer do I spend hours of my time exploring alternate reportage in a vain attempt at determining the truth beneath a story printed in whatever paper I happen to pick up first.

As cynical as it sounds, I have finally been forced to accept that any political reportage I might read would be little more than another permutation of party SPIN in service of the almighty dollar, crafted primarily to attract a greater readership share than the journalistic competition.

Yet it seems that I have not yet jettisoned my naivety entirely.

Naivety, Hope & Timing

I still believe that research scientists truly mean well and are working to save lives and improve its quality for the next generation.

Nonetheless, it makes me Grumpy to note their lack of urgency as they take careful steps to build their careers and reputations – almost as if their patience with the process indicates that they need to think about the lives of this generation as “acceptable casualties.”

But about those reporters . . .

Science reportage in the majority of articles in the popular press retains the full force of my disdain.

  • “Don’t ANY of them read original sources?” I wail silently, frowning over whatever I’m eating or drinking as I read.
  • “Or is it that they don’t have adequate long-term memories?  What’s been around for decades is not NEWS.”

I had those thoughts again, just last night – as I enjoyed a margarita with a Cactus Pear specialty nacho salad during a solo evening dining out at the restaurant within walking distance of my apartment building.

To keep me company, I picked up one of their copies of the March 23 – 29 issue of Citibeat, Cincinnati’s alternative paper. Hoping to read something brief and not too upsetting so I could enjoy my dinner, I turned to Worst Week Ever! – one of their running features.

There – along with a blurb about the Pope’s brand new Instagram presence and a long paragraph about the GOP’s refusal to consider Obama’s Supreme Court Nominee “or anything else the man wants” – was some “news” about the intelligence of dogs: Scientists Believe Dogs Are More Intelligent Than We Give the Little Bastards Credit For (alternative paper, remember).

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I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!


Getting back on the horse
(never as simple as Neurotypicals seem to believe!)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Source: CLICK HERE

Time & performance pressure

I didn’t get nearly as much done as I expected to this past weekend – and what I did accomplish were NOT the most important items on my to-do list!

(Oh, let’s be honest: I’ve been struggling for over two years now to recover from the cascade of unfortunate events of 2014!)

  • Every night I go to bed praying that tomorrow will be the day when my former Energizer Bunny level of activity will resume.
  • Every morning, for quite some time now, I have awakened in a mood that could best be described as panic or overwhelming dread.

I hear the tick-tick-tick of time’s passage louder and louder every month.

Can anybody else relate?

Shhh! – you can’t tell people that

Truly, I appreciate the intent of those who have advised me that helping professionals are expected to be far beyond all those nattering little human-being problems and pressures.

HOWEVER, in this particular period of my life, advice from that fear-based paradigm is beyond annoying to hear or read – on this particular Monday especially!

I understand that you believe that it is important for me to keep up “professional” appearances if I expect to make a living, BUT THAT’S NOT THE WAY I ROLL!

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Give Me My Thousand WORDS!


Am I the only one who misses
EDITORIAL CONTENT???
(Whatever happened to captions?)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Is the 21st Century Taking Us Backwards?

As I browse the web these days, I am appalled by the number of apologies for “long” comments that run to – horrors – an “overwhelming” two or three paragraphs!

Have we stopped teaching reading in our schools?
Or perhaps we have stopped requiring it.

Hatin’ on the rise of Pictorial Slideshows (ugh!)

I am doubly dismayed by the number of blogs that think a slideshow full of 80-gazillion “life-changing” click-upon-click SEO-building images passes for an article worthy of anybody’s time (with barely a word of comment from them and no place to gather comments from those who visit).

  • Perhaps they believe they already know why those of us who are literate will NOT be back, so think they don’t want to waste their precious photo-posting time reading our requests for a word or several? (surely anyone who blogs knows how to read, doncha’ think?)
  • Or perhaps some recently-graduated 20-year-old raised-on-comic-books, reading-averse art directors have convinced their “editorial” personnel that words are superfluous in this day and age, and that comments are an administrative nightmare that will only compete with their focus-debilating pop-ups and browser-slowing misbehaving adverts (don’t get me started!)
  • Since many of these disappointing article-pretenders are on sites sponsored by the decorating and women’s magazines I used to buy to READ, I can only wonder if the editors have all died or been fired, replaced by word-hating art directors who have been given their titles (Southern Living, Better Homes & Gardens, etc. – please note “used to buy to READ.”)

Or is it writing that is missing from the skill set of so many bloggers anymore?

It wasn’t lost on me that Pinterest – an image format – feels they must remind the users of their platform to context pinned images (and/or Boards) with captions!

Even if they’ve never personally resonated with the joy of “using their words,”  is it REALLY such a nuisance for Pinners to communicate why they’ve shared a particular image or collection of images?


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Medication Fears


Grumpy again today
– another addition to the languishing Series
Monday Grumpy Monday –

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Discouraged, Weary and Worried

I started my day today on Pinterest, where I came across a pin with a picture of a little girl that brought back memories of myself as a child: sitting on the stairs after doing something “wrong,” head in hands, sad and worried – fearful of what my father’s reaction would be when he heard about it.

The words across the photo were, “Why Punishments Don’t Work for ADHD Kids (But What Works Better!).”

For readers who have not yet explored Pinterest, Pins are graphic snippets “pinned” to a virtual bulletin board, similar to cutting a picture out of a magazine and pinning it to an actual bulletin board.

The biggest difference – and what makes it useful – is that the graphic snippets are automatically linked to the source, which is frequently an article that turns out to be well worth reading.

————————————————————————————————–
I use “ADD” to include AD/HD etc. Check out What’s in a Name for why.
—————————————————————————————————

What an Excellent Idea for an Article!

Clicking this pin led me to a wonderful article on an extremely useful ADD/HD focused blog by The Distracted Mom.

I was smiling broadly as I read her description of a well-reasoned, learning-oriented approach to parenting her son through a melt-down – an approach that many of us who know ADD/EFD well agree is one of the best for ADD/EFD kids.

HUGE on attribution, I was especially pleased with her generous linking to other useful resources (for example, the Lives in Balance website of Dr. Ross Greene, author of The Explosive Child: A New Approach for Understanding and Parenting Easily Frustrated, Chronically Inflexible Children).

Having devoted over 25 years of my life to making a difference in this field, it is such a pleasure to read articles like hers, that allow me to believe that perhaps the world is finally changing its attitude toward what I like to call The Alphabet Disorders.

Only later, as I read through the MANY comments to her article, did my hopeful mood slowly to turn to dismay.

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Brain Injured from Birth?


Never “normal” —
and never understanding
why you can’t do what others CAN

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Sort of, but not really

As awful as it is to lose functionality as a result of head injury, stroke, or some of the short-term memory deficits that cause “senior moments,” what if you had NEVER experienced the functionality you are mourning?

Those of us with Attentional Spectrum Disorders and Executive Functioning Deficits have been struggling with “TBI problems” and “senior moments” our entire lives, to undeserved and unkind public ridicule and general disbelief that what we report is a legitimate problem.

In an earlier article, Lessons from the TBI Community, developed initially for a brain-based talk to a professional conference for ADD Coaches, I attempted to compare the problems faced by individuals with challenges due to Traumatic Brain Injury to the struggles of the rest of us here in Alphabet City.

Broken Brains

I doubt that anyone who reads or watches television is unaware of the behavioral and cognitive changes that accompany dementias, strokes, and brain injuries due to accidents of one sort or another.

Most sensible individuals readily accept that those changes are a direct result of brain damage, leaving areas of the brain incapable of performing their role in the neural relay race, or doing so inefficiently or incompletely.

WHY IS IT SO DIFFICULT TO BELIEVE that that someone might be be born with parts of the brain that function inefficiently, or that brain development might not proceed in that so-called neurotypical fashion in a subset of individuals — and that there might be similar behavioral and cognitive differences as a result?

AFTER ALL, anyone who has had any reason to take a look at education in the last forty years surely must be aware of the meaning of the term “learning disorder” or “learning disability.”

If they’ve looked beyond the headlines, they may also be aware that the term does not refer to an intelligence-delimited inability to learn, but to a difference in the manner and speed in which the information must be presented for learning to take place.

Unrealistic Expectations

TBI advocates and sufferers frequently write about how painful and difficult it is for them that those around them expect that their functioning will mirror their appearance.

During the period where they look “banged up” in some fashion, loved ones and friends encourage them to be patient and take it easy. Once they look “okay,” the understanding that they are still healing seems to run out.

  • They are expected to BE okay as soon as they LOOK okay —
    to rapidly return to the “self” they were before their accident.
  • There seems to be little to no understanding that they are being asked, metaphorically, to walk on a broken leg with severed nerves.

Although the unrealistic expectations of others are maddening – and tough on the sufferer’s self-esteem – there is usually some awareness in his or her heart of the reason that they aren’t able to do what is expected of them.

They realize only too well that parts of their brain aren’t functioning “normally” yet, even though the underlying reason is “invisible” to others, so tough for them to believe.

What if they had NEVER experienced anything different? 

What if not being able to live up to expectations WAS “normal,” as far as they knew?  Then what?  How would that affect their view of themselves?

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STOP Judging Purse-dogs!


Unless you also DRAG your little kids
(in which case, I have judgment about YOU!)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Tiny dogs have tiny legs (duh!)

It recently took a great deal of will-power to over-ride my impulse to smack a college student who [loudly] opined to his friends, as they passed me during a walk with my brand new teeny-tiny puppy, that “some people” needed to let their dogs out of their “purses” to walk for themselves.

I am full-grown, tall and have long legs.

My little Shih Tzu pup is about three months old, weighs less than five pounds, and has legs that are less than three inches long.

While he needs (and seems to adore) the exercise he gets trotting along beside me on our walks, the amount of time he is able to keep up without exhaustion is limited.

Humans can’t trot alongside horses for very long either!

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Hey! Grinch! Get off of my cloud!


MonGrumpHeadW-A-Y behind on
Grumpiness Dumps

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Now that Christmas is behind us, back to business!

I have gotten a few comments from folks who have missed my grumpy side – happy to oblige.

So here’s what’s caught in my craw as today progresses – taking down all the Christmas decorations happens WAY too soon.

It’s just plain ole’ depressing to walk down the street and see still-green tree corpses kicked to the curb before Twelfth Night!  When they start hitting the streets before NEW YEARS I simply want to fall down next to them and weep.

Kicked to the curb so SOON?

Poor Christmas Trees!  Kicked to the curb so SOON?

Whatever happened to AFTERGLOW?

I mean, even if you are one of the lucky ones with a staff of elves to give you plenty of time before Christmas to drive around and see all the pretty decorations and visit all your friends to see what they’ve put together, are you really that eager to jump up and shower immediately afterwards?

As for the rest of us, if we don’t have time to see the sights while we’re busy getting ready for our own celebrations, we can pretty much forget about it until we try again next year.

Live and let live?

I suppose I could live with the idea that many folks want to take down their Christmas decorations before New Years, but what frosts my grapes is the attitude of the early denuders toward those of us who don’t want to rush the removal.

They are so snide – and so VOCAL – about the fact that the entire world doesn’t share their particular preference for getting rid of all evidence that Christmas exists practically the moment the last present is opened.

Who put the Grinches in charge of the timing?

What’s HAPPENING with our planet these days?

There is so much about our world that is, shall we say, less than uplifting.  Why would anybody campaign to remove the small bit of cheer that manages to survive?

Not that I let what Grinches prefer change what I decide to do one iota – I simply don’t want to have to tolerate their “superior” attitude and their make-wrong. 

Can’t they tut-tut-tut in private?

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What’s up with Twinkly Lights?


LightsWhy don’t they drive EVERYBODY Crazy?
(Searching for the quiet kind!)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Oh dear, it seems that a bit of Monday grumpiness is about to bleed through my Christmas Happy Christmas series.  But somebody has to stand up and be counted, and I’m up for the job!

Flickering Candlelight is lovely – artificial, not so much

I’m old enough to remember when lights were either ON or off – unless, of course, they were dying.  We replaced lights that flickered post haste.

BubbleLightIn my mind, bubble lights marked the beginning of the “lights that oscillate” fascination. They’re the earliest “moving” lights I can recall, in any case.

In yet another amazingly comprehensive entry, wonderful Wikipedia** says:

“As Christmas lights, bubble lights were very popular during the 1950s through the 1970s, before miniature ‘fairy’ lights became popular.”

Vintage Christmas collectors sometimes use them still, and I believe there is a new version back on the market  for fans of Mid-Century Modern — so it’s not necessary to have been around back in the Dark Ages to have seen bubble lights.  Many people absolutely adore them.

I find the buggers distracting and annoying myself.

**Wikipedia is currently fund-raising, by the way.

They say that if everyone using them donated three measly dollars, their fund raiser would be over in an hour.

Add them to your Christmas Giving list, skip a cup of Starbucks and go give them at least $3.00.

Even if you’ve never explored “the people’s encyclopedia,” think of it as your share of how much I backstop with Wikipedia as I write the articles I gift to you here.

If you click the link to their Bubble article (their name above), the link to their donate page will be at the top of that article until they’ve reached their goal – the minimum they need to run for another year.

If you’re reading this later, don’t think they no longer need the money! The link to their donate page is always available for you on the right sidebar here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com – so go DO that, okay?

Craving warmth

I like a soft glow, and that’s what I try to create in my home — this holiday season and every holiday season. Year-round, in fact, unless I need bright light for a project of some sort. I wouldn’t care much for the flickering of old-fashioned wax candles either if they were as bright as even the dimmest of artificial lighting.

Even the graphic I placed at the top of the page to illustrate the twinkly concept quickly began to give me a headache. I was relieved when it finally scrolled off the page (Fear not, I don’t plan to repeat the experiment).

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Below the Radar Make-Wrong


I am NOT amused
– with a Top Ten List of Types of Criticism
that I never want to hear AGAIN –

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Mean Come-backs I wish I could have said

Criticism in all its forms seldom works as designed.  Instead of helping us make better choices, criticism makes us defensive – and then we have to figure out how to respond.

I have never been able to respond very well in the moment – my startle response closes most of the pathways that might grant me access to what is otherwise a pretty fine brain.

source: http://www.1099.com/c/co/gw/na/naustin029.html
source: http://www.1099.com/c/co/gw/na/naustin029.html

Why are they voting on MY life?

When slapped across the face with a negative comment, especially one that is little more than a vehicle for make-wrong, I seem to struggle to come up with even a one sentence response — except a mean one, of course, which I reject out of hand.  Tit for tat has never been my style.

Since I’m not a fan of the eye-for-an-eye, tooth for a tooth manner of doing life, which leads only to a world filled with the blind and toothless, it often feels like I have to choice but to suffer the sting in silence.

Only later, as negative comments echo and RE-echo, do I dream of a million ways I could have responded without violating my core value of kindness.

Wouldn’t you think that, by now, I’d have an arsenal of come-backs to use the next time somebody makes me wrong?  Nope – because most of life’s criticism comes disguised as something else.

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Spam or Internet Marketing – which is worse?


Blatant Narcissists BOTH
Get a clue – most of us HATE what you’re doing
(if that matters to you at all)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

How do I hate thee, let me count the ways

Oh, never mind – I’m sure I’d run out of room before I ran out of steam.

At the risk of sounding clearly black and white, I can’t help but wonder about the intent of either the spammers OR the Internet Marketers, but at least the spammers don’t pretend to be much of anything else.

Internet Marketers, for the most part, seem hell-bent on manipulating us into believing that they are providing an eagerly awaited service that, only incidentally, employs the flavor-of-the-moment formulaic approach designed to increase SEO (“Search Engine Optimization,” translated into dollars).

I wish I could force every single one of them into spending as much time as they have stolen from my life considering the following  questions seriously:

  • Is EVERYTHING about what you want, regardless of how it impacts anybody else?
  • Has EVERYTHING become merely a numbers game to you, designed to stuff your personal pockets (or those of your company or organization)?
  • Do you have any respect AT ALL for those at the effect of your tactics – beyond their value as one of the numbers in your game?

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I am NOT a Lab Rat!


MonGrumpHeadSince people can TALK –
how about asking us?

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Not my first Rodeo

I have written about my love/hate relationship with science before and I’m sure I will again.

I think I did a fairly lousy job of hiding the fact that I was more than a little disgruntled about what I call “the Blind Men and the Elephant problem” the last time I mentioned it – but all bets are off on Monday Grumpy Monday!

I’ve been singin’ this song for over 20 years now, and I’ll keep singin’ this song until things change or until I die, whichever comes first — hoping that somebody somewhere will read with a brain engaged and get my point.

I’m R-E-A-L-L-Y grumpy about the negative impact on OUR lives of their confirmation bias.

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Pitiful Party Lines & Flying Monkeys


MonGrumpHead“Following the rules” is
probably doing it wrong

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Question Authority

Source: click image

This is not about politics or voting, but I have to start by telling you this:

a life-long grump gets activated every single election period, when politicians rally to regurgitate party line soundbites — on BOTH sides! 

It’s obnoxious.

I am incredulous that we don’t rally en masse to call them on it.

I am dismayed that people continue to vote for these idiots with their formulaic approach to getting elected and staying in office – simply because we have so little choice otherwise.

I really hate it the minute that things get nasty: when they attack by closing ranks to dig in and defend party politics after somebody says or does something stupid – on EITHER side.

That’s NOT the topic of THIS grump, however.

The nasty antics of politicians merely prime my pump and start my engine.

Every single election period, my disgruntlement quickly shifts focus to a more important target for those of us with Executive Functioning struggles: doctors and scientists.

I can’t help it – it’s just the way my brain works.

They are not supposed to be political animals, yet almost ALL of them seem to have pledged allegiance to their equivalent of that “thin blue line” so prevalent on those cop shows we watch like soap operas.

Hippocratic

Doctors are supposedly sworn to, first, do no harm.

It seems to me that they must somehow be able to pretend that allowing illogical, or out-of integrity actions of colleagues slide by without censure is not harmful to their patients.

They are wrong.

Scientists are purported to be seekers of truth — it’s supposedly a foundational concept of the scientific method.

Yet in social constructs where group identification runs rampant, they seem to band together against ideas that are “inconsistent with the current body of knowledge in the field.”

2Red_RoverTo me, they seem like a bunch of playground bullies in a mean game of Red Rover.  And it holds science back for YEARS.

That, too, is causes harm: many struggle-on needlessly
as groundbreaking work languishes for years.

I have been privy to far too many examples of the herd dynamic in my career.  So every time I hear of a new example, I get my grump on practically immediately anymore.

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Top 10 Things NOT to Say (if you want to stay alive)


Monday Grumpy Monday Series headerIf LOOKs Could Kill

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

The Death-Ray Look

Source HERE

We’ve all seen it. Some of us are shooters and some get shot.

Most of us learned to recognize THE LOOK in childhood. 

We saw it primarily in public, most of us — whenever Mom believed that a comment expressing her extreme disapproval would be inappropriate.

At home, it tended to be a warning: last chance to stop what you are doing before consequences are levied.

Spouses and partners frequently shoot each other “LOOKs” when others are around.

Charge Neutral

Comprehensive coach training teaches the “charge-neutral” skill: expressing a thought without attachment to personal opinion that might color a comment in a fashion that would make it difficult for the listener to hearMost important, in the coaching world, is the development of a style of expression that avoids make wrong.

Make-wrong is a term used in the coaching community to refer to judgments that might as well be saying, “Anybody sane knows there is a right and a wrong way to do life, and this communication identifies an item on THE unacceptable list” (in contrast to one’s personal unacceptable list).

But make-wrong is more than a linguistic concept.  It covers communications in all forms, a concept of come-from.

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Frames and reframes on Pinterest


MonGrumpHeadDon’t dictate Friendship Formats –
then make people wrong
when they need to do things another way!

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Black and White assumptions that need reframing

I have recently dedicated quite a bit of time to exploring Pinterest – and no, this is not a Pinterest Grump.

Not exactly, anyway.

For those of you who are unaware, Pinterest is a collection of virtual bulletin boards for images “pinned” by topic and shared freely within other community boards through “repinning.”

Focus and Hyperfocus

Besides being set up to be a petrie dish for hyperfocus, even for those with “vanilla” brains, it’s not the best format for a word person in many ways.  And I don’t have to tell anyone who reads anything on ADDandSoMuchMORE that I am definitely a WORD person.

Pinterest is HIGHLY useful, however, for capturing images that objectify my obsession with Christmas decorating, for example — or books and libraries.  Or organization images that really DO replace a thousand words.

The problem seems to come with the overlap –
those boards that post “soundbites” as graphics.

It’s far too easy for those thoughts to become memes —
as they are repinned throughout the community — to be accepted as absolutes.

One can reframe through a comment below a single pin, but there is a 5oo character limit, and fewer people read the comments underneath pins than read the comments that follow articles on blogs.  Plus, the comments don’t tag along with a repin.

That format can encourage black and white thinking — which makes me CRAZY!

I recently came across a pin I can’t let go of. I need more than 500 characters to discuss my problem with it – because it really needs reframing.

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar for a reminder
of how links work on this site, they’re subtle ==>

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Is technology “improving” itself beyond usability?


MonGrumpHeadWorn out here on the update trail

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

The rock-face learning curve makes me CRAZY!

click image for source

click image for source

While the “continuous improvement” affliction has infected tech-tools across the board, the plague is at its most disabling in the computer realm.

I spend a great deal of time on my computer.

I spend SO much time staring at a screen that the rest of my life is screaming for time and attention most days. I’m beginning to worry that my keyboard and trackball will soon be fused to my hands.

I can’t help but feel, however, that my computer time could be reduced by at least half if the “continuous improvement” folks would simply let things BE.

The biggest threat to the Internet

Since I began sharing my expertise on ADDandSoMuchMore.com, the large majority of my computer time is spent online, which only compounds the problem.

I just spent one solid hour attempting to accomplish something that could (dare I say “should“??) have been over-and-done-with in three quick clicks.  (Only two months ago it WAS!)

Forget worrying about a government invasion of our privacy at the individual level. They’ll never be able to figure out how to do it! (Advertisers will – and DO, more’s the pity: money talks. But boycott as a tool for change belongs to a different grump).

The deal with the government snoops

  • Since they have entire departments that most of us don’t, they’re probably back to snooping fairly quickly after each upgrade, but “continuous improvement” updates will slow them down.
  • No matter, either way — there won’t be much to invade during improvement snow storms, as the rest of us scramble to dig out and catch up. Who has time to post?
  • As soon as we’ve all got it worked out, the next wave of updates will force us all to begin anew.

Do I smell a conspiracy — or a counter-conspiracy?

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Brilliant! Ingenious! LIFE changing!


MonGrumpHeadThe hyperboles are killing me

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Am I the only one who is OVER exaggerated marketing descriptions?

 

  • 21 Tips to Organize your Pez Containers that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!
  • 10 BRILLIANT ways to Repurpose Dental Floss!
  • 15 STUNNING Shoe Inserts – from everday garbage!

Okay, they’re not quite that insipid — but that actually turns out to be worse.

I’m currently suffering from a bad case of clicker’s remorse due to repeated exposure to bait and switch – over-promising and under-delivering.

Maybe it IS just me

Perhaps I’ve been a tad overexposed. Since I’m on the hunt for fresh ideas to organize my new apartment, I’ll admit I’ve been spending w-a-y too much time on Pinterest since my recent move. (We citizens of Alphabet City have a tendency to hyperfocus!)

Still, I am wasting seriously-too-much time scrolling through “amazing” tip articles that have turned out to be a big yawn – and I already spend seriously-too-much time in front of a computer screen as it is.

Most of the “brilliant” posts I’ve run across lately are simply not worth the risk of varicose veins – or the cost of support stockings! (Trust me, I’ve Googled)

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Emotional Manipulation


MonGrumpHeadStop trying to make me worry about you
because you worry about me

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Fair Warning: HIGHLY unusual spate of make-wrong ahead!  I’m sure I will be speaking FOR the many of you who don’t need to be spoken TO.

PLEASE don’t shut me down emotionally, ok?

source: click image

source: click image

In case you believe I am talking directly to YOU, there is no need to get defensive.

I’m probably not, but a bit of what it feels like on the other side of emotional manipulation never hurt anybody.

No apologies necessary, except on my part for being so grumpy about it all this particular Monday. 

As regular readers have already figured out, I’ve had connectivity problems since my relatively recent move of home and office. I’ve experienced ongoing cellphone agita all year.  I’ll spare you the minutia but the bottom line is that, for most of this year, whether I could make or receive a phone call has been a crap-shoot.  I’m working on my fifth phone since Christmas.

This month alone I’ve been SERIOUSLY over-exposed to “It’s not only frustrating when I can’t get in touch with you, I’m sick with worry!”

I truly need to let some pressure out of my cooker.  I’m also hoping that attempts at emotional blackmail will lessen in all of our lives as a result of bringing its effect to consciousness.

So here goes – deep breath. 

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Back Scratching-101: How to get support for YOUR objectives


MonGrumpHeadBeing in Community
means Supporting BACK

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

click image for source

A DAILY grump initiator . . .

that I must work with myself daily to find a way to
rise above to continue to do what I do here.

It’s more difficult to rise on Mondays.

It seems to me that many of my readers don’t understand how the blogging environment WORKS — because I simply refuse to believe that most of my readers are selfish (even on Monday Grumpy Monday).

I’m talking about common courtesy practices, not complex SEO tactics, by the way – extending toward someone who has extended toward you – which means:

  • Saying thank you in some fashion ON the blog of the person who liked or followed you.
  • Saying thank you in some fashion for information that helps you be more successful in your life (especially in your own coaching practice), whether or not you author a blog designed to do more than pay your own bills — ON the blog of the person who shared with you for free
    (Google can’t count email and phone calls, by the way – NICE, but decidedly unhelpful for getting the word out.)

I DO understand the time issue

I’ll be the first to admit that, after spending three to six non-billable hours every single day sharing what I have learned in the past twenty-five years (with the goal of helping those of you who can’t afford private coaching or ongoing coach training), I don’t always have a lot of time left in my day to run my life and make a living.

  • As a result, I don’t have the time in my day to visit, like and comment on the blogs of ALL of my followers and those who have left comments here.
  • Like everyone else, I must spend time paying my bills with at least SOME of what I do with my time (unless one of you would like to handle that little detail for me.)
  • But I do try to make time to visit those who comment, like and follow article by article.

I also spend a substantial time seeking links to blogs that have information adding content or context — through continuously curated links in my Related Content section (at the bottom of almost every post on ADDandSoMuchMore.com).

To give you easier ways to locate articles you want to read on ADDandSoMuchMore.com, my LinkLists already make the GoogleBot a bit grumpy with me.  However, EVERY time I scratch a back that doesn’t return the favor amounts to Google promoting THEIR content at the expense of my own.

WHICH MEANS THAT increasingly fewer people are likely to benefit from what I do here, since fewer and fewer people are likely to see anything that isn’t listed early in the search results.

Since I don’t charge for content and support the site alone, I have no budget for a marketing staff and no time to wear one more hat. I have been counting on readers who benefit from what I do to help me spread the word.

Do you realize that every single time I link and the person does NOT link back, like or comment here, I fall further down in Google’s rating algorhythms?

Are you aware that Google counts comments, reblogs, links and likes to help counter inbound/outbound link imbalances?

Don’t those of you who also blog understand that leaving a comment here increases the number of inbound links to YOUR blog or website, as well as helping me promote this free resource?

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Monday Grumpy Monday


Monday Grumpy Monday Series headerI don’t wake up this way
but it rarely takes long before something sets me off

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

click image for source

click image for source

Rants and Ruminations

Maybe it’s something they do to the drinking water at the beginning of each week but, looking “backstage” at the articles in the category above, almost all of them were begun on a Monday. 

I seemed to need a place to vent – and you REALLY wouldn’t want to see those first drafts!!

Although I’ve written about it only a few times, the [non] workings of technology seems to activate my grumpy faster than almost anything else. Not only does the blaze build to a hotter fire, it seems to have been assembled with flash paper.

Ka-BOOM!

I almost always have the willingness to attempt to remain accepting and patient with people, especially one on one, but gol-dangit  [replace term with your favorite expletive] I firmly believe that THINGS need to be designed to work!

Ditto, anything on the internet, where my definition of “working” expands.

As much as I appreciate the WordPress.com blogging platform overall, on Mondays I could easily shoot the “geniuses” who believe that periodically and suddenly changing the user interface is a GOOD idea – and that all of their “good ideas” are improvements.

Intermediate messages like their current “beep-beep-boop” do NOT pass for humor in my universe either — especially since testing before launch seems to be a thing of the past, and developers no longer USE the platforms they design (or they’d know better!)

GRRRRRR . . .

Spammers always make me crazy, of course – but not nearly as crazy as the procedures designed to avoid them.

Odd, isn’t it, that at the same time they force me to decifer squiggles and re-input new passwords to “protect” THEMSELVES from spam, they make sure that my information is captured so that they can inundate me with marketing (regardless of the fact that I consider it spam-squared!)

On Mondays I can’t seem to stop myself from ruminating over why they don’t understand that there is more to our lives than their capitalist imperatives – or perhaps they simply don’t CARE that they are being annoyingly narcissistic?

Herd mentality also gets my dander up – but it seems more likely to flake off into the universe on a Monday.  Why IS that?

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