Wednesday, October 15, 2014 3 Comments
Owning our Brilliance
How come that is so much harder than owning our Challenges?
© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
from the Black & White Thinking category
part of The Challenges Inventory™ Series
Most of us can’t get ENOUGH positive feedback, even if we deflect it for one reason or another – as most of us tend to do.
WHY would anybody toss aside positive comments, you ask?
Check inside. Why do YOU?
The causes of deflection are varied and individual-specific, but there are a few categories in which they tend to cluster.
For example, because:
- We aren’t developmentally ready to let our awareness of our own expertise, learned or innate, really sink in
- We’ve internalized the cultural meme that there is something intrinsically wrong with “owning” our brilliance. Admitting that we are aware of what we do well is frequently considered conceited, ego-based, or heaven forbid narcissistic! (Odd, isn’t it, that owning our Challenges is laudable?)
- We’ve learned that people who compliment frequently have an agenda beyond encouraging us to bask in the glow of accomplishment — and we’ve equated “compliment” and “acknowledgment” (NOT the same things at all).
- We’ve learned in the past that acknowledgments are some kind code — a sneaky way that others let us know that somebody’s trying to raise our bar — usually them.
compliment vs. acknowledgment
When we compliment, we are VOTING – an expression of praise or admiration indicating approval, acceptance, or flattery; the opposite of criticizing with censure.
When we acknowledge, we are NOTICING OUT LOUD – while positive in tone, an acknowledgement is an expression of our recognition of a quality, action or accomplishment we admire; the opposite of ignoring, discounting or overlooking
©1994 from Madelyn Griffith-Haynie’s upcoming Coaching Glossary
Besides the feeling that there is something wrong with endorsement, our knee-jerk responses often point to a paradigm leading us to embrace the idea that unless we are perfect, we are worthless, undeserving of acknowledgement: black and white stinkin’ thinkin‘.