Hey! Grinch! Get off of my cloud!


MonGrumpHeadW-A-Y behind on
Grumpiness Dumps

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Now that Christmas is behind us, back to business!

I have gotten a few comments from folks who have missed my grumpy side – happy to oblige.

So here’s what’s caught in my craw as today progresses – taking down all the Christmas decorations happens WAY too soon.

It’s just plain ole’ depressing to walk down the street and see still-green tree corpses kicked to the curb before Twelfth Night!  When they start hitting the streets before NEW YEARS I simply want to fall down next to them and weep.

Kicked to the curb so SOON?

Poor Christmas Trees!  Kicked to the curb so SOON?

Whatever happened to AFTERGLOW?

I mean, even if you are one of the lucky ones with a staff of elves to give you plenty of time before Christmas to drive around and see all the pretty decorations and visit all your friends to see what they’ve put together, are you really that eager to jump up and shower immediately afterwards?

As for the rest of us, if we don’t have time to see the sights while we’re busy getting ready for our own celebrations, we can pretty much forget about it until we try again next year.

Live and let live?

I suppose I could live with the idea that many folks want to take down their Christmas decorations before New Years, but what frosts my grapes is the attitude of the early denuders toward those of us who don’t want to rush the removal.

They are so snide – and so VOCAL – about the fact that the entire world doesn’t share their particular preference for getting rid of all evidence that Christmas exists practically the moment the last present is opened.

Who put the Grinches in charge of the timing?

What’s HAPPENING with our planet these days?

There is so much about our world that is, shall we say, less than uplifting.  Why would anybody campaign to remove the small bit of cheer that manages to survive?

Not that I let what Grinches prefer change what I decide to do one iota – I simply don’t want to have to tolerate their “superior” attitude and their make-wrong. 

Can’t they tut-tut-tut in private?

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Below the Radar Make-Wrong


I am NOT amused
– with a Top Ten List of Types of Criticism
that I never want to hear AGAIN –

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Mean Come-backs I wish I could have said

Criticism in all its forms seldom works as designed.  Instead of helping us make better choices, criticism makes us defensive – and then we have to figure out how to respond.

I have never been able to respond very well in the moment – my startle response closes most of the pathways that might grant me access to what is otherwise a pretty fine brain.

source: http://www.1099.com/c/co/gw/na/naustin029.html
source: http://www.1099.com/c/co/gw/na/naustin029.html

Why are they voting on MY life?

When slapped across the face with a negative comment, especially one that is little more than a vehicle for make-wrong, I seem to struggle to come up with even a one sentence response — except a mean one, of course, which I reject out of hand.  Tit for tat has never been my style.

Since I’m not a fan of the eye-for-an-eye, tooth for a tooth manner of doing life, which leads only to a world filled with the blind and toothless, it often feels like I have to choice but to suffer the sting in silence.

Only later, as negative comments echo and RE-echo, do I dream of a million ways I could have responded without violating my core value of kindness.

Wouldn’t you think that, by now, I’d have an arsenal of come-backs to use the next time somebody makes me wrong?  Nope – because most of life’s criticism comes disguised as something else.

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Spam or Internet Marketing – which is worse?


Blatant Narcissists BOTH
Get a clue – most of us HATE what you’re doing
(if that matters to you at all)

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

How do I hate thee, let me count the ways

Oh, never mind – I’m sure I’d run out of room before I ran out of steam.

At the risk of sounding clearly black and white, I can’t help but wonder about the intent of either the spammers OR the Internet Marketers, but at least the spammers don’t pretend to be much of anything else.

Internet Marketers, for the most part, seem hell-bent on manipulating us into believing that they are providing an eagerly awaited service that, only incidentally, employs the flavor-of-the-moment formulaic approach designed to increase SEO (“Search Engine Optimization,” translated into dollars).

I wish I could force every single one of them into spending as much time as they have stolen from my life considering the following  questions seriously:

  • Is EVERYTHING about what you want, regardless of how it impacts anybody else?
  • Has EVERYTHING become merely a numbers game to you, designed to stuff your personal pockets (or those of your company or organization)?
  • Do you have any respect AT ALL for those at the effect of your tactics – beyond their value as one of the numbers in your game?

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I am NOT a Lab Rat!


MonGrumpHeadSince people can TALK –
how about asking us?

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Not my first Rodeo

I have written about my love/hate relationship with science before and I’m sure I will again.

I think I did a fairly lousy job of hiding the fact that I was more than a little disgruntled about what I call “the Blind Men and the Elephant problem” the last time I mentioned it – but all bets are off on Monday Grumpy Monday!

I’ve been singin’ this song for over 20 years now, and I’ll keep singin’ this song until things change or until I die, whichever comes first — hoping that somebody somewhere will read with a brain engaged and get my point.

I’m R-E-A-L-L-Y grumpy about the negative impact on OUR lives of their confirmation bias.

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Pitiful Party Lines & Flying Monkeys


MonGrumpHead“Following the rules” is
probably doing it wrong

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Question Authority

Source: click image

This is not about politics or voting, but I have to start by telling you this:

a life-long grump gets activated every single election period, when politicians rally to regurgitate party line soundbites — on BOTH sides! 

It’s obnoxious.

I am incredulous that we don’t rally en masse to call them on it.

I am dismayed that people continue to vote for these idiots with their formulaic approach to getting elected and staying in office – simply because we have so little choice otherwise.

I really hate it the minute that things get nasty: when they attack by closing ranks to dig in and defend party politics after somebody says or does something stupid – on EITHER side.

That’s NOT the topic of THIS grump, however.

The nasty antics of politicians merely prime my pump and start my engine.

Every single election period, my disgruntlement quickly shifts focus to a more important target for those of us with Executive Functioning struggles: doctors and scientists.

I can’t help it – it’s just the way my brain works.

They are not supposed to be political animals, yet almost ALL of them seem to have pledged allegiance to their equivalent of that “thin blue line” so prevalent on those cop shows we watch like soap operas.

Hippocratic

Doctors are supposedly sworn to, first, do no harm.

It seems to me that they must somehow be able to pretend that allowing illogical, or out-of integrity actions of colleagues slide by without censure is not harmful to their patients.

They are wrong.

Scientists are purported to be seekers of truth — it’s supposedly a foundational concept of the scientific method.

Yet in social constructs where group identification runs rampant, they seem to band together against ideas that are “inconsistent with the current body of knowledge in the field.”

2Red_RoverTo me, they seem like a bunch of playground bullies in a mean game of Red Rover.  And it holds science back for YEARS.

That, too, is causes harm: many struggle-on needlessly
as groundbreaking work languishes for years.

I have been privy to far too many examples of the herd dynamic in my career.  So every time I hear of a new example, I get my grump on practically immediately anymore.

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar for a reminder
of how links work on this site, they’re subtle (scroll UP for it) ==>

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Top 10 Things NOT to Say (if you want to stay alive)


Monday Grumpy Monday Series headerIf LOOKs Could Kill

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

The Death-Ray Look

Source HERE

We’ve all seen it. Some of us are shooters and some get shot.

Most of us learned to recognize THE LOOK in childhood. 

We saw it primarily in public, most of us — whenever Mom believed that a comment expressing her extreme disapproval would be inappropriate.

At home, it tended to be a warning: last chance to stop what you are doing before consequences are levied.

Spouses and partners frequently shoot each other “LOOKs” when others are around.

Charge Neutral

Comprehensive coach training teaches the “charge-neutral” skill: expressing a thought without attachment to personal opinion that might color a comment in a fashion that would make it difficult for the listener to hearMost important, in the coaching world, is the development of a style of expression that avoids make wrong.

Make-wrong is a term used in the coaching community to refer to judgments that might as well be saying, “Anybody sane knows there is a right and a wrong way to do life, and this communication identifies an item on THE unacceptable list” (in contrast to one’s personal unacceptable list).

But make-wrong is more than a linguistic concept.  It covers communications in all forms, a concept of come-from.

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Frames and reframes on Pinterest


MonGrumpHeadDon’t dictate Friendship Formats –
then make people wrong
when they need to do things another way!

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Black and White assumptions that need reframing

I have recently dedicated quite a bit of time to exploring Pinterest – and no, this is not a Pinterest Grump.

Not exactly, anyway.

For those of you who are unaware, Pinterest is a collection of virtual bulletin boards for images “pinned” by topic and shared freely within other community boards through “repinning.”

Focus and Hyperfocus

Besides being set up to be a petrie dish for hyperfocus, even for those with “vanilla” brains, it’s not the best format for a word person in many ways.  And I don’t have to tell anyone who reads anything on ADDandSoMuchMORE that I am definitely a WORD person.

Pinterest is HIGHLY useful, however, for capturing images that objectify my obsession with Christmas decorating, for example — or books and libraries.  Or organization images that really DO replace a thousand words.

The problem seems to come with the overlap –
those boards that post “soundbites” as graphics.

It’s far too easy for those thoughts to become memes —
as they are repinned throughout the community — to be accepted as absolutes.

One can reframe through a comment below a single pin, but there is a 5oo character limit, and fewer people read the comments underneath pins than read the comments that follow articles on blogs.  Plus, the comments don’t tag along with a repin.

That format can encourage black and white thinking — which makes me CRAZY!

I recently came across a pin I can’t let go of. I need more than 500 characters to discuss my problem with it – because it really needs reframing.

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar for a reminder
of how links work on this site, they’re subtle ==>

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Is technology “improving” itself beyond usability?


MonGrumpHeadWorn out here on the update trail

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

The rock-face learning curve makes me CRAZY!

click image for source

click image for source

While the “continuous improvement” affliction has infected tech-tools across the board, the plague is at its most disabling in the computer realm.

I spend a great deal of time on my computer.

I spend SO much time staring at a screen that the rest of my life is screaming for time and attention most days. I’m beginning to worry that my keyboard and trackball will soon be fused to my hands.

I can’t help but feel, however, that my computer time could be reduced by at least half if the “continuous improvement” folks would simply let things BE.

The biggest threat to the Internet

Since I began sharing my expertise on ADDandSoMuchMore.com, the large majority of my computer time is spent online, which only compounds the problem.

I just spent one solid hour attempting to accomplish something that could (dare I say “should“??) have been over-and-done-with in three quick clicks.  (Only two months ago it WAS!)

Forget worrying about a government invasion of our privacy at the individual level. They’ll never be able to figure out how to do it! (Advertisers will – and DO, more’s the pity: money talks. But boycott as a tool for change belongs to a different grump).

The deal with the government snoops

  • Since they have entire departments that most of us don’t, they’re probably back to snooping fairly quickly after each upgrade, but “continuous improvement” updates will slow them down.
  • No matter, either way — there won’t be much to invade during improvement snow storms, as the rest of us scramble to dig out and catch up. Who has time to post?
  • As soon as we’ve all got it worked out, the next wave of updates will force us all to begin anew.

Do I smell a conspiracy — or a counter-conspiracy?

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar for a reminder
of how links work on this site, they’re subtle (scroll UP for it) ==>

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Brilliant! Ingenious! LIFE changing!


MonGrumpHeadThe hyperboles are killing me

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Am I the only one who is OVER exaggerated marketing descriptions?

 

  • 21 Tips to Organize your Pez Containers that will CHANGE YOUR LIFE!!
  • 10 BRILLIANT ways to Repurpose Dental Floss!
  • 15 STUNNING Shoe Inserts – from everday garbage!

Okay, they’re not quite that insipid — but that actually turns out to be worse.

I’m currently suffering from a bad case of clicker’s remorse due to repeated exposure to bait and switch – over-promising and under-delivering.

Maybe it IS just me

Perhaps I’ve been a tad overexposed. Since I’m on the hunt for fresh ideas to organize my new apartment, I’ll admit I’ve been spending w-a-y too much time on Pinterest since my recent move. (We citizens of Alphabet City have a tendency to hyperfocus!)

Still, I am wasting seriously-too-much time scrolling through “amazing” tip articles that have turned out to be a big yawn – and I already spend seriously-too-much time in front of a computer screen as it is.

Most of the “brilliant” posts I’ve run across lately are simply not worth the risk of varicose veins – or the cost of support stockings! (Trust me, I’ve Googled)

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar for a reminder
of how links work on this site, they’re subtle (scroll UP for it) ==>

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Emotional Manipulation


MonGrumpHeadStop trying to make me worry about you
because you worry about me

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Fair Warning: HIGHLY unusual spate of make-wrong ahead!  I’m sure I will be speaking FOR the many of you who don’t need to be spoken TO.

PLEASE don’t shut me down emotionally, ok?

source: click image

source: click image

In case you believe I am talking directly to YOU, there is no need to get defensive.

I’m probably not, but a bit of what it feels like on the other side of emotional manipulation never hurt anybody.

No apologies necessary, except on my part for being so grumpy about it all this particular Monday. 

As regular readers have already figured out, I’ve had connectivity problems since my relatively recent move of home and office. I’ve experienced ongoing cellphone agita all year.  I’ll spare you the minutia but the bottom line is that, for most of this year, whether I could make or receive a phone call has been a crap-shoot.  I’m working on my fifth phone since Christmas.

This month alone I’ve been SERIOUSLY over-exposed to “It’s not only frustrating when I can’t get in touch with you, I’m sick with worry!”

I truly need to let some pressure out of my cooker.  I’m also hoping that attempts at emotional blackmail will lessen in all of our lives as a result of bringing its effect to consciousness.

So here goes – deep breath. 

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar for a reminder
of how links work on this site, they’re subtle (scroll UP for it) ==>

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Back Scratching-101: How to get support for YOUR objectives


MonGrumpHeadBeing in Community
means Supporting BACK

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

click image for source

A DAILY grump initiator . . .

that I must work with myself daily to find a way to
rise above to continue to do what I do here.

It’s more difficult to rise on Mondays.

It seems to me that many of my readers don’t understand how the blogging environment WORKS — because I simply refuse to believe that most of my readers are selfish (even on Monday Grumpy Monday).

I’m talking about common courtesy practices, not complex SEO tactics, by the way – extending toward someone who has extended toward you – which means:

  • Saying thank you in some fashion ON the blog of the person who liked or followed you.
  • Saying thank you in some fashion for information that helps you be more successful in your life (especially in your own coaching practice), whether or not you author a blog designed to do more than pay your own bills — ON the blog of the person who shared with you for free
    (Google can’t count email and phone calls, by the way – NICE, but decidedly unhelpful for getting the word out.)

I DO understand the time issue

I’ll be the first to admit that, after spending three to six non-billable hours every single day sharing what I have learned in the past twenty-five years (with the goal of helping those of you who can’t afford private coaching or ongoing coach training), I don’t always have a lot of time left in my day to run my life and make a living.

  • As a result, I don’t have the time in my day to visit, like and comment on the blogs of ALL of my followers and those who have left comments here.
  • Like everyone else, I must spend time paying my bills with at least SOME of what I do with my time (unless one of you would like to handle that little detail for me.)
  • But I do try to make time to visit those who comment, like and follow article by article.

I also spend a substantial time seeking links to blogs that have information adding content or context — through continuously curated links in my Related Content section (at the bottom of almost every post on ADDandSoMuchMore.com).

To give you easier ways to locate articles you want to read on ADDandSoMuchMore.com, my LinkLists already make the GoogleBot a bit grumpy with me.  However, EVERY time I scratch a back that doesn’t return the favor amounts to Google promoting THEIR content at the expense of my own.

WHICH MEANS THAT increasingly fewer people are likely to benefit from what I do here, since fewer and fewer people are likely to see anything that isn’t listed early in the search results.

Since I don’t charge for content and support the site alone, I have no budget for a marketing staff and no time to wear one more hat. I have been counting on readers who benefit from what I do to help me spread the word.

Do you realize that every single time I link and the person does NOT link back, like or comment here, I fall further down in Google’s rating algorhythms?

Are you aware that Google counts comments, reblogs, links and likes to help counter inbound/outbound link imbalances?

Don’t those of you who also blog understand that leaving a comment here increases the number of inbound links to YOUR blog or website, as well as helping me promote this free resource?

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar for a reminder
of how links work on this site, they’re subtle (scroll UP for it) ==>

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Monday Grumpy Monday


Monday Grumpy Monday Series headerI don’t wake up this way
but it rarely takes long before something sets me off

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

click image for source

click image for source

Rants and Ruminations

Maybe it’s something they do to the drinking water at the beginning of each week but, looking “backstage” at the articles in the category above, almost all of them were begun on a Monday. 

I seemed to need a place to vent – and you REALLY wouldn’t want to see those first drafts!!

Although I’ve written about it only a few times, the [non] workings of technology seems to activate my grumpy faster than almost anything else. Not only does the blaze build to a hotter fire, it seems to have been assembled with flash paper.

Ka-BOOM!

I almost always have the willingness to attempt to remain accepting and patient with people, especially one on one, but gol-dangit  [replace term with your favorite expletive] I firmly believe that THINGS need to be designed to work!

Ditto, anything on the internet, where my definition of “working” expands.

As much as I appreciate the WordPress.com blogging platform overall, on Mondays I could easily shoot the “geniuses” who believe that periodically and suddenly changing the user interface is a GOOD idea – and that all of their “good ideas” are improvements.

Intermediate messages like their current “beep-beep-boop” do NOT pass for humor in my universe either — especially since testing before launch seems to be a thing of the past, and developers no longer USE the platforms they design (or they’d know better!)

GRRRRRR . . .

Spammers always make me crazy, of course – but not nearly as crazy as the procedures designed to avoid them.

Odd, isn’t it, that at the same time they force me to decifer squiggles and re-input new passwords to “protect” THEMSELVES from spam, they make sure that my information is captured so that they can inundate me with marketing (regardless of the fact that I consider it spam-squared!)

On Mondays I can’t seem to stop myself from ruminating over why they don’t understand that there is more to our lives than their capitalist imperatives – or perhaps they simply don’t CARE that they are being annoyingly narcissistic?

Herd mentality also gets my dander up – but it seems more likely to flake off into the universe on a Monday.  Why IS that?

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Headlines I Want to See in the Upcoming Year


Dream Headlines
What Kind of World do YOU Want?

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

The Upside of the Downside

MediaTreeGotta’ love the media – ONE report of a groundbreaking study and they go wild with their own interpretations — targeted to each of their particular viewers, readers, and branding.

Association blogs and websites join in from a myriad of vantage points, with the individual bloggers in hot pursuit of the same story right behind them.

Social Networks go crazy. We see related posts on Facebook, discussions on LinkedIn, tweets, YouTube videos, TED talks – the entire internet seems abuzz with the news.

Advertisers on the cutting edge target their commercials to catch the wave of increased publicity.  Product development teams are employed to increase sales by tweaking existing products and developing new ones.

MEANWHILE, new funding is approved for new studies to build on the original, further feeding the frenzy as new results are leaked and published.

ULTIMATELY, politicians get into the act as the result of public outcry; caucuses convene to draft new laws based on findings from the original research (that few probably ever read and fewer still understand).

What if it went something like THIS . . .

  • Scientists discover neural-mechanism behind turf building and cognitive competition – possible link to empathy deficiency
  • Collaboration blows competition out of water — recent research
  • Blind Men meet to combine Elephant reportage – New Picture Emerging

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Happy Birthday Temple Grandin


How long, oh Lord?

©Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Click image for source (FaceBook)

Click image for source (FaceBook)

Earlier today I “Shared” Future Horizon‘s video of a Nashville celebration for well-known animal rights and autism awareness activist Temple Grandin (born in Boston on August 29, 1947 and diagnosed with autism at age two).  On FaceBook.

I prefaced it with the comment below, that I want to share with YOU.

God Bless the woman who, practically single-handedly, gave credibility to what science likes to dismiss as “merely” anecdotal.

Autism understanding and awareness took off, thanks in no small part to her sharing.

MEANWHILE, I went on to say, ADD is still the butt of jokes and target of misunderstanding and censure — despite a lifetime of my own work along with the sharing of THOUSANDS on ADD-focused support communities around the web, my ADD clients, seminars, trainings, classes, blogs and books by knowledgeable colleagues, thousands of published articles by expert doctors, and a whole lot more!.

‘Nuff said today Check out one or two of the links below to read SOME of the many things I have been saying for over twenty-five years now.

 

What kind of world do YOU want?

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Gotta’ love the DSM-5 — NOT?


dsm5-apaRead it and Weep or
Work Around It?

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

“Too many people don’t care what happens
so long as it doesn’t happen to them.”
~ William Howard Taft

I have written this article for ADD Coaches, ADD Professionals, and ADDults who are struggling to find a knowledgeable doctor.

I have none of those highly revered statistics to cite, but I believe it is safe to say that the fifth full revision of the DSM (the first significant update in almost twenty years) . . .

  • is the least popular
  • with the greatest number of advocates
  • for the greatest number of disorders and conditions
  • in the history of the DSM!

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ADD-ADHD/EFD & Underfunctioning: Einstein at the Patent Office


Swimming Upstream

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
ADDendum to the  5-Part  ADD Overview Series

salmon_upstreamQuoting loosely from the  ADD blog authored by Yale’s Dr. Thomas E. Brown, on the website maintained by Psychology Today. . .

 ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Back when it was believed that anyone with ADD would outgrow those problems by the time they were about 14 years old, ADD was seen as simple hyperactivity, not as a problem with attention and EF (executive functions).

Longer term studies have shown that for about 70-80% of those with ADD, attentional symptoms tend to persist into adulthood.

This is true even in those individuals where former problems with [gross motor] hyperactivity can no longer be observed.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This more recent research indicates that, while there ARE about 30-80% of the ADDult population who do not continue to struggle with ADD to the degree seen in childhood, they are over-represented in the literature.

Since they are functioning better than 70-80% of us, they are ABLE to run their own lives with enough time left to blog, write books and articles, develop websites and blogs, and organize and speak to podcast audiences – while the rest of us work twice as hard for half as much, as ADD expert author Dr. Edward Hallowell continues to say.

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ADD Empathy – 101


ADDvice for non-ADDers 

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
From the Walking A Mile in Another’s Shoes Series

Illustration thanks: Paul Lowry via Flickr

TOUGH LOVE

Those who can SEE will never really “get” the struggles of those who cannot – but hey, could you at least TRY to believe what they say is difficult for them to do?

Could you at least TRY to stop offering advice from your sighted paradigm,
especially in that tone of voice that might as well be adding,
“Listen, you idiot, wrap your simple mind around this?”

And if you can’t do that . . .

Keep a sock at the ready and stuff it in your mouth, if that’s what it takes to keep from shoving your “sighted” platitudes down their “what-part-of-BLIND-don’t-you-get?” throats when they tell you that your idea won’t work for them. (TWO socks if you’re a “vanilla” therapist or non-ADD parent talking to your own ADD-flavored offspring.)

Does that sound harsh?

I promise you that is exactly how your tough-love “helpful” suggestions land with your ADD loved ones.

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PLEASE DO NOT BUY


An open letter to my readers and the advertisers I just realized are using this site to promote their products:

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

I author a no-fee WordPress Blog on WordPress.com

I can’t opt out of your ads – I get that.

Your right to [attempt to] sell to me exceeds my rights in total.  I get that.

You’ve PAID for the privilege.

  • Our world has devolved to the place where cash is king.
  • I must learn to live with that, regardless of my personal feelings about it.
  • My personal dollars have now become my ONLY personal votes.
    My only choice is where I choose to spend them.
  • I will not buy products from obnoxious advertisers. EVER.

A boycott of ONE, joined by others, which may well build to an internet movement if you and the companies you include in your means of making a profit don’t heed the warning of my words.

I can also purchase and use the products and services of advertisers who deserve my patronage as an acknowledgment of their respect for me and for the value of the time and attention of my readers.

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Heartbreaking New York Times ADD Article


Don’t Drink the Kool-ade

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Another wonderful graphic courtesy of aritist/educator Phillip Martin

“Ritalin, like all medications, can be useful when used properly and dangerous when used improperly. 

Why is it so difficult for so many people to hold to that middle ground?”
~ Dr. Edward Hallowell

Regarding the opinion piece “Ritalin Gone Wrong” by Alan Sroufe, Ph.D.
(NY Times, Jan. 29, 2012):

• You don’t have to believe in medication.
• You don’t have to take it.
• You don’t have to give it to your kids.

You don’t EVEN have to do unbiased research before you ring in with an opinion on medication or anything else having to do with ADD/ADHD.

HOWEVER, when you’re writing a piece to be published in a newspaper with the stature of The New York Times, it is simply unprofessional — of the writer, the editors, and the paper itself — to publish personal OPINION in a manner that will lead many to conclude that the piece quotes scientific fact.  

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SPARE me your surveys


“Squares and triangles agree: circles are pointless.”
~ source unknown

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC


At the risk of being accused of bobbing while the rest of the coaching universe weaves, zigging while they zag, I have to ask: is anybody else confounded by the plethora of coaching field “opinion” surveys popping up?

What is it, exactly, they are trying to prove or disprove?   And why?

Perhaps THAT is the question!  

In any case, I find it disturbing.

More than a little dismayed, I’ve been watching the linear take-over of the coaching field for over a decade now — sharing my disdain with only the closest of friends and colleagues until this blog post. But when survey results are announced attached to a name like Harvard, I’m more than a little afraid.

I’ve always thought I could count on the Ivy League to turn out thinkers.

No general disrespect to Harvard intended — or to any of the other organizations undertaking these surveys — but it simply astounds me whenever anyone proceeds as if there might be some discoverable “formula” for anything as person-specific as personal and professional coaching.

Clients come to coaching desiring wild success
“outside” the box,
NOT to learn how to climb inside it.

Formulaic technique rarely yields much to tempt the grown-up palate.  And yet, humankind seems driven to make the holographic linear through quantification.

It matters not to me whether those “formulas” are framed as guidelines, competencies, or laws — or how much “data” has been collected in an attempt to “prove” the point of view of the authors — they have meaning ONLY as jumping-off points for discussions of why nobody follows them as written.

At least, in my opinion, nobody who delivers a quality coaching product attempts to follow them as written.  I tend to side with Solomon.

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Sis-Boom-Bah!


We Need a Pep Rally

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

I’ve been working my tail off over the holidays, putting together binder materials to support a couple of presentations for the upcoming ACO conference in Atlanta this March (The ADHD Coaches Association).

The presentation that started me thinking about a much needed pep rally is entitled Making the Connection: Brain-based Coaching.

In addition to ADD research, I’ve always kept a watchful eye on the comorbid and “overlapping” fields. Before I put together anything with statistics, I make the rounds one last time – just to see if perhaps they’ve published something relatively new that we haven’t picked up on yet.

As I hopped from website to blog, each developed to support those various other communities (from Autism to Traumatic Brain Injury to Affective Disorders of all types), I kept having the same nagging thought — over and over again, like a broken record:

THEY are supporting their disorders better than we are.

By “supporting,” I mean that they are united in calling for more research, education, and political support as they share information on how to obtain the services that are available, along with general information and anecdotal support.

I don’t think it’s UNRELATED that ADD is the butt of jokes
that would never be tolerated
if made about any other disability.

I’m not talking about dinner table humor, here! While I have noticed that making fun of ADD at home is often a thinly-veiled cover for unacknowledged anger or frustration, that’s not what I mean in this instance.

I’m talking about pot shots taken by the press, in magazines, on talk shows, and even in presentations sponsored by supposedly credible and uplifting organizations like TED.

(See my post taking Sir Ken Richardson to task for making fun of ADD
in his “educational” presentation by clicking HERE)

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Occupy ADD


by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
Is Your ADD-Doc GREAT?

We wanna’ know about competent ADD professionals.

How come?  Sadly (shamefully!), we see mounting evidence of a retreat to the ADD Dark Ages, and we need to jerk a knot in its tail and cut off its ugly head!

I have been disheartened, often appalled, by the accounts of patient/doctor and patient/therapist interactions that have been showing up recently on the ADD sites — in increasing numbers!

To say it plainly:

  • If the extent of ignorance we who are looking for help are finding among doctors and therapists who CLAIM to be ADD-specialists existed in any other field, we’d see malpractice suits and lost licenses!
  • There seem to be few AMA “watch dogs” with eyes on what the ADD doctors are doing.
  • Uninformed, non-medically trained government regulators seem to be more concerned with preventing drug abuse than safeguarding access to pharmaceutical interventions for those whose lives are derailed by legitimate, diagnostic disorders, made manageable through consistent access to medication.  Medication shortages are unconscionable.

THIS is not OK with me — and I hope it’s not OK with you, either.

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Top Ten Stupid Comments from ADD-Docs


The Top Ten Stupid Comments
from
[supposed]  ADD Professionals
by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Ten Unfortunate [and recent]  Examples of Ignorance masquerading as Information — and
uninformed personal opinion presented as medical FACT.

———————————-
The comments on this article add information — take the time to read those too. You’ll be glad you did!
———————————-

First Things First:
Let’s not lump the good ADD doctors and the ones who made these stupid comments together!

They are not the same species AT ALL!

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Got Memory? – Part I


Remember – links on this site are dark grey to reduce distraction potential
while you’re reading. They turn red on mouseover
Hover before clicking for more info

OpenAllNiteMemory, Aging and ADD

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

My sleep disorder has me out of phase with the rest of America again.  Bummer!

Since, of late, I seem to be asleep when the rest of America is up and at’em, awake when it seems that all the world’s aslumber, there’s not much to distract me from reading and research – so I’ve been reading a lot lately!

One of the few good things about Living with JetLag™ is that there are periods of time when I can do little else but dive into books I have been too busy to read while I scrambled to catch up with everything missed “off-phase” during those precious times when I am “on-phase” with the rest of you earthlings.

A number of books have come out in the past few years exploring what happens to our brains as we age. Several are exploring “normal” changes, others are looking at brain disorders that seem to strike at middle-age, most notably Alzheimers.

Other than mentioning the link between aging and sleep struggles, which I will explore in another series of posts, the primary focus of most of the books I’m currently ingesting concerns the processes of memory: what happens when they work as expected, and what happens when they don’t.

Two I just finished are:

  • Barbara Strauch’s The Secret Life of the Grown-up Brain
  • Cathryn Jakobson Ramin’s Carved in Sand
    – when attention fails and memory fades in midlife
The timing seems suddenly right for a series of articles on memory and ADD, but before I get into the details, I need to get something off my chest.

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Distinguishing Can’t from Won’t


CAN’T vs WON’T

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
In support of the ADD Coaching Skills Series

A fundamental concept underlying the manner in which I coach individuals with attentional spectrum deficits is a result of the distinction between “can’t” and “won’t.”

Distinguishing articulates the differences between words as they apply functionally

When we distinguish one word from another, we bring to conscious awareness the reality that, while the denotation of two words – the surface, dictionary meaning – might be effectively equivalent, the connotations are quite different.

Connotation – subtext and common usage within sub-groups – always rides along with the denotative (dictionary) meaning of a word, whether or not we intend the emotional “spin,” or whether or not we are aware of it consciously.

A Distinction, as it applies to the coaching relationship,  is a psycho-spiritual subtlety of language, used consciously for the express purpose of facilitating psychological and spiritual growth.

Distinguishing hones functioning as well as thinking.

  • It sharpens listening, language and coaching skills.
  • It helps to form vital neurological connections, ” brain-links” in a way that expands your knowledge base exponentially — rather than in the linear fashion in which we are accustomed to learning.
  • It’s a brain-game that helps build positive-minded neural-net — weakening the bonds of “old tapes” so that we can shape new futures.

My goal, whenever I select a distinction and let my brain loose to blog about it, is “to seed a shift in come-from” — to illuminate cherished opinions and unconscious habits of thought, hoping to inspire a reframing of underlying assumptions. 

Can’t vs. Won’t

I want to shine a light on the necessity of accepting the behavioral characteristics of ADD/EFDers as part of the ADD/EFD diagnosis.  

For far too long, neurological ADD/EFD challenges have been assigned to the provinces of behavior or psycho-analysis. The distinction between can’t and won’t lies totally within the province of volition.

Accepting the idea that a person could sincerely try and fail due to dynamics completely divorced from underlying psychological conflicts is fundamental: as long as we look for blocks or conflicts, our view of behavior is indelibly skewed in a way that predisposes us to find them.

Remember – links on this site are dark grey to reduce distraction potential
while you’re reading. They turn red on mouseover.

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RSA Animate – Changing Education Paradigms INDEED!


Clever but seriously flawed

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile,
hoping it will eat him last.”

~ Winston Churchill

So what’s my beef with
Sir Ken Robinson???

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Royal Society of Art’s figurehead, “world-renowned education and creativity expert and recipient of RSA’s Benjamin Franklin award,” as it says in the description under at least one of his cleverly animated lectures on education, posted on YouTube.

His content is out of integrity
with what he says he stands for.

Black and white, perhaps, but misinformation in my area of expertise makes me question the sincerity of his quest as well as the validity of the rest of the items in his presentation.

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Why Tips and Tricks Fail


Many Sizes, Many Solutions
(and w-a-y too many books!)

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
In support of The Challenges Inventory™ Series

Cartoon graphic of a male presenter pointing to a chart with the heading, The Solution• Here’s a helpful hint!
• Hey, this will fix it!
• Read THIS particular book.
• Use THAT particular system 

It wouldn’t be a problem if you’d only DO IT . . .
• THIS way
• THAT way
• Some OTHER way
— and follow directions this time! —

Sheesh!  

AND THEN, when you still have your problem, it’s YOUR fault because you didn’t do it “right” —

  • You didn’t do it long enough . . .
  • You didn’t want to badly enough . . .
  • You didn’t align your thoughts with your actions . . .
  • You didn’t say “mother-may-I, pretty-please” before you started!!

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Tales from the ADD Dark Side


 Remember – links on this site are dark grey to reduce distraction potential
while you’re reading. They turn red on mouseover.

Disability vs. Difference

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

As a coaching pioneer, founder of
the world’s first ADD-specific coaching curriculum
(alone in that training endeavor for YEARS),
a founder of the ADD Coaching field itself,
and

the self-professed ADD Poster Girl . . .

I can and will assure you that
there are many gifts that come
with an ADD/ADHD brain.

There are ALSO more than a few CHALLENGES that are rarely understood by those outside the diagnostic population (along with the rare few who live with them and love them — AND spend a ton of time researching and reading and asking and observing and listening from belief!)

AS I SEE IT, there are far too many posts sprinkled around the internet quibbling over the extent to which ADD is what kind of a disability (affecting “major life activities” negatively), extolling the supposed benefits of an ADD/ADHD brain, or reminding everyone reading that ADD is not all bad, right?

No matter how well-intended, I believe those posts are
short-sighted and wonder if they aren’t potentially harmful as well.

It certainly is appropriate — and accurate — to note that *all* disabilities have their silver linings. It’s important to keep in mind, however, that we ALSO need to take care that we do not ignore the disadvantages in our eagerness to slap a friendly face on it all, singing out ONLY with “the benefits.”  

Presenting an honest, balanced picture of advantages and challenges – to ourselves and to others – is important for any number of good reasons — especially with the “invisible” disabilities.

THREE of those good reasons follow below.
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Creating Community Together


What Goes Around Comes Around

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Drawing of a globe encircled by various kinds of people holding handsWhen I began my own ADD journey, many things were very different: many were “worse” — but a few seemed much “better.”

One of the things I miss most is the closeness of the community “back in the day” when it was not so widespread.

Anyone who has read  The Goose Story** on my first website surely knows how VERY much I value community — and how “aggressively” I define that term.  Leading the charge toward its creation has been a spiritual calling — a mission, if you will.

It has been a real heartbreaker to watch the ADD Coaching field I gave up so much to build devolve into what often feels more like a competition than a community – battle of the coach trainings, battle of the websites, battle of the tips and tricks, battle of the treatment approaches, battle of the etiologies – even a battle between various approaches toward coaching in general and ADD Coaching in particular.

I’m hoping that what is beginning to emerge more and more lately portends more of a “coopetition” that means that others are a battle-weary as I.

Yes, we must each take care of paying our bills and supporting our families with what we do with some of the minutes of our lives.

But I have always believed that we would ALL have an easier time of that particular objective by joining forces, rather than “competing for market share.” How about you?

Co-creating the Kind of World We Want

I plan to add to this post with others on the same topic;
I invite those of you with similar views to lift your voices with 
mine.

Let’s work together for the mutual good of our communities and our planet – becoming resources for each other because it is simply the right thing to do – meaning the thing that will create the kind of world we wanta world that works for EVERYONE.

In addition to blogging about it, I plan to throw my own “shoulder to the wheel” of like-minded individuals in a practical fashion as well – by helping to publicize what they are doing in a number of ways, beginning with the following actions:
——————————–
**If you are NOT familiar with Noyes’ free-verse poem, it’s really worth a look – click on it’s title (above, with the stars), and a new window will open to give you a chance to read it.  VERY inspiring!

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Aspiring to Optimal Functioning


by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
Supporting the What Kind of World do YOU Want? series

I Have A Dream . . .

. . . of a time when we have a solution that allows all of us with Attentional Spectrum Deficits to do more than aspire to Optimal Functioning – even though I’m finding it increasingly difficult to believe that I will live long enough to see it.

 

Over the Rainbow?  REALLY?

After TWO DECADES of non-stop advocacy:

We still have far too many people who refuse to believe that ADD is “a real disorder . . .

despite incontrovertible scientific evidence that overwhelmingly underscores the validity of the ADD diagnosis, including:

  • Medication studies – double-blind, placebo controlled
  • SPECT analysis demonstrating differences in ADD brain
    architecture as well as neurotransmitter functioning
  • Heritability & Twin studies and
  • The identification of several gene markers.

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