Flashback: Can This ADDer Be Saved? – Part 4

— Ten Points from Katy —
Finding the Right Coach for YOU

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Different Strokes for different folks

I hope that those of you who have read the story to this point did NOT read it as my attempt to “motivate” you to do what they did (either one of them!)

My strong belief is that much of what passes for “motivation” is actually make-wrong under a thin veneer of self-help.

In other words, they seem to say, if you would only learn to do it somebody else’s way (especially their way, of course) you wouldn’t be such a Limp-along Cassidy.

I want your take-away to be that we each need to work around our personal challenges by leveraging our personal strengths — even you!

Think back on how differently our two example clients approached life:

  • Katy would have been an anxious wreck had Donna attempted to encourage her to “go with the flow” and move away from her reliance on lists and structures.
  • Barb’s creativity would have shut down on her had Donna insisted that she had to learn how to move forward in the linear style that was “Katy-native.”

One of my mentors – the late Thomas J. Leonard, [life] Coaching field founder – once said something to me that has come to inform my life (and my coaching approach):

“Most people spend their entire lives attempting to bring their areas of inadequacy up to adequacy. What could you achieve if you spent that energy bringing your areas of adequacy to brilliance?”

Before you move on to the final part of the Katy and Barb story, I want to leave you with two more quotes:

“Never attempt to teach a pig to sing;
it wastes your time and annoys the pig.”
~ Robert A. Heinlein, Time Enough for Love

“There are many good ways to get things done –
but none of them involving sight will work well for the blind man.
No amount of ‘wanting to’ will change that reality.~ mgh

Remember that you can always check out the sidebar
for a reminder of how links work on this site, they’re subtle ==>

HOVER before clicking – often a box will appear to tell you what to expect

A few Coaching Results stories from Clients themselves found HERE

A Coach-finder Checklist for SOME of you:

Hyper-organized, list-makin’ Katy suggests you make sure you can answer yes to each of the following ten points as you interview coaches to work with your own precious life.

“Life is where you find it,” says Barb.
“Interview, schminterview, go with your gut!”

Click HERE to read PART 3: “Onward and Upward”
(links to ALL below)

My Coach is:

1.  Thoroughly knowledgeable about brain-basics and ADD, especially my kind of ADD, with some depth of experience behind him or her.

2.  Able to share information readily and in a charge-neutral fashion.  Never makes me feel “stupid” or “intellectually lazy” for not already knowing.

3.  Someone who never pressures me into a quick decision or makes me feel like it is important to him or her that I take his or her suggestions or agree with anyone else’s point of view.

4.  A good strategizer — can explain a systematized way of working clearly, yet is flexible enough to adapt to my preferences. (My coach may be the expert on brain-based coaching or ADD, but I am the only expert on me and what I need and am able to do.)

5.  A good fit for me — we both enjoy each other’s communication style.  When we don’t communicate completely, s/he requests more information from me or explains him or herself to me in another way.

6.  Willing and able to work in some format that works for me.  If I’m not sure, I have taken the time to  interview two or three other coaches who work in at least a few of the different formats that appeal to me — email, phone, face-to-face or combination, weekly, brief calls daily, etc.

7.  Someone I can trust — enough to try things s/he suggests and to tell the whole truth, even in areas where I have developed “well-rehearsed cover stories.”  I know s/he needs “nothing but the truth” to tailor the Coaching approach to adapt to the results I report, and I feel confident that s/he will keep our sessions strictly confidential.

8.  Truthful but gentle.  I feel in my gut that I can trust my Coach to work with me in a way that keeps me challenged without making me feel shut down, embarrassed or shamed.

9.  A brain-based resource, and a source for materials developed especially for ADD and ADD coaching.  S/he knows how to help me track my medications on a log I can take to my doctor.

10.  A well-trained ADD professional

  • s/he clearly articulates practice standards,
  • reminds me gently when I oops,
  • has well-developed, focused listening skills,
  • endorses more than s/he corrects,
  • always listens from belief, even while s/he articulates a feeling that something seems a little “off” or incongruent, and
  • knows a lot of different ways to get things done and doesn’t try to fit my square peg into someone else’s round hole!

Only the BEST

Both Katy and Barb wish you every success in your life, and especially in the search for your ADD coach — and send wishes that your days become as enjoyable as theirs.  

If money’s tight, don’t be like Barb.  Check out Peer Coaching Basic Training – don’t let lousy finances keep you from the wild success we ALL deserve!

If you are interested in working with ME (even if you don’t have ADD), click on the Brain-based Coaching link below.  There’s a contact form at the bottom.

If you are in the U.S. I will call you to schedule a time to talk — everyone else will get a response by email, with my contacts included so that you can call me.

BE SURE to click the appropriate category or categories or it won’t file correctly and THIS ADD Poster Girl might NEVER find it in the e-glut!

Sorry, but due to the technical skills of spammer narcissists,
I can’t post my email to make the process more ADD-friendly

More info in story format?

If I continue to get positive response about Katy and Barb, I may add new articles and turn it into a Series. (Sign up for notification so you don’t have to track coming back to check).

You DO realize that these are not “real” people, right?  Katy and Barb are a compilation of many of the items and issues that more than a few of my clients have brought to my ADD coaching table.

ADD Coaching is STRICTLY confidential.

It would be a violation of client confidentiality to disclose “real client” details in any manner that might allow anyone to be able to figure out who I’m talking about.

If you want to read something from actual clients, Click HERE.

Response to my male commentors:  If this series continues, we’ll zap a few lucky guys with an ADD diagnosis too; PARENTS and PARTNERS; maybe I’ll bring in a whole ADD family!

Indicate interest in the comments section below.

Meanwhile, I’ll be spending my time writing articles covering so-much-MORE about ADD/EFD, functional challenges of non-ADDers, short-term memory challenges as we grow older, Brain-based Coaching, and the entire Attentional Spectrum.

Can this ADDer be Saved?

(The entire coaching story, illustrating how coaching works in narrative format)

© 2010-12, 2017, all rights reserved
Check bottom of Home/New to find out the “sharing rules”
(reblogs ALWAYS okay, and much appreciated)

As always, if you want notification of new articles in the Coaching Series – or any new posts on this blog – give your email address to the nice form on the top of the skinny column to the right. (You only have to do this once, so if you’ve already asked for notification about a prior series, you’re covered for this one too) STRICT No Spam Policy

If you’d like some one-on-one (or group) coaching help with anything that came up while you were reading this article (either for your own life, that of a loved one, or as coaching skills development), either scroll down to the Brain-Based Coaching link below, or click the E-me link <—here (or on the menubar at the top of every page) and I’ll get back to you ASAP (accent on the “P”ossible!)


COACHING LINKS at end of all posts

Related articles here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com

A few Articles in the Attention series:

More from the ADD Coaching series:

Related articles ’round the ‘net

BY THE WAY: I revisit all my content periodically to update links — when you link back, like, follow or comment, you STAY on the page. When you do not, you run a high risk of getting replaced by a site with a more generous come-from.

About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

30 Responses to Flashback: Can This ADDer Be Saved? – Part 4

  1. Christy B says:

    YES to continuing with the use of “made-up” ADDers to illustrate your points, if you continue this series. As you say, let’s bring in some males to balance it out. And as for your point about building on our strengths to make them better than ever – let’s do so 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Christy. I’ve actually been thinking of putting together composite client stores together and turning it into a book.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Christy B says:

        This is a fabulous idea, Madelyn! You’d be more than welcome to guest post on my blog as a way to showcase the book when it launches xx

        Liked by 1 person

        • Thanks, Christy – I really appreciate that. I’ve been under the weather for a bit (and I’m t-totally BUMMED by what’s happening in the US politically), so right now I feel like chucking it ALL and getting a job as a WalMart greeter or something that isn’t particularly helpful or hopeful. I’m kind of in a “what’s the point anyway” mood right now – and it takes A LOT to get me to feel like giving up.


          • Christy B says:

            Oh no 😦 I don’t like to think of you feeling this way but know it happens to the best of us. I send you a huge hug and know I totally get that sometimes we feel down… it just means we’ll appreciate it more when we’re back up xo


  2. I enjoyed this series of four posts, Madelyn. I particularly liked the “Katy” character as I see of lot of people like her in my life. I liked your list of 10 points too.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Robbie – just left you a link to an amazing Gingerbread contest on ONE of these parts. Wish I could be a fly on the wall to watch you watch. “)

      I could easily see you and Michael walking away with the top prize one year in the future! (And wouldn’t THAT make for the coolest book!?)

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you, Madelyn. How wonderful, I am trying to think of a gingerbread idea for Christmas.

        Liked by 2 people

  3. dgkaye says:

    Fantastic series M. Barb and Katy are great characters to demonstrate everyday people and issues we encounter without making a federal, medical snoozefest out of the topic. Brilliant, really! 🙂 Hugs my friend. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Deb. As I responded to Paul, I keep trying to distinguish coaching from “self-help” as well as other forms of “professional help” – and to distinguish brain-based coaching from ALL of them (without sounding too much like an evangelical – lol).

      Liked by 1 person

      • dgkaye says:

        You an evanelical? LOL 🙂 xxx


  4. Jennie says:

    I have loved following Katy and Barb. Of course they’re a composite of many people, yet they shout out what and why ADD’ers need you and counseling help. The advice from your mentor, Thomas Leonard, is tremendous. Actually, it is spot on. Thank you, Madelyn.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, Jennie. Statistical studies in the last few years have shown that MOST adults with ADD are NOT diagnosed – so they are not likely to get their kids diagnosed or treated.

      Excellent TED talk below (Canadian education advocate)


      Liked by 1 person

      • Jennie says:

        Thank you, Madelyn!


  5. paulandruss says:

    Great Conclusion Madelyn with well thought out and honest advice on what to look for in a coach to provide the best fit for you.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thanks, Paul. I keep trying to distinguish coaching from “self-help” as well as other forms of “professional help” (without sounding like an evangelical – lol).

      I am always surprised seeing who resonates with which articles – and WHEN. The first time I published these stories they flew pretty much under the radar – so it is so nice to hear that they are getting some readership this time. Thank you for yours, Paul, and especially for letting me know!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      • paulandruss says:

        The pleasure has been all mine Madelyn!

        Liked by 1 person

        • You are the sweetest man!

          Liked by 1 person

  6. Reblogged this on Words To Captivate ~ by John Fioravanti and commented:
    Madelyn Griffith-Haynie gifts us with Part 4 – the final segment of her series about ADD and finding good coaching. Please share!

    Liked by 1 person

    • JUST found this, John – not sure where it has been hiding. Thank you so much for the reblog.

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re welcome, Madelyn.

        Liked by 1 person

        • My comment notifications have been crazy-making for a couple of days now – I can’t tell what I’ve responded to – OR approved – because things aren’t “taking.” My apologies for seeming to ignore or inundate, but I DO want you to know I appreciate. ❤


  7. Pingback: Flashback: Can This ADDer be Saved? | ADD . . . and-so-much-more

  8. Pingback: Flashback: Can This ADDer Be Saved? – Part 2 | ADD . . . and-so-much-more

  9. Pingback: Flashback: Can This ADDer Be Saved? – Part 3 | ADD . . . and-so-much-more

  10. Lucy Brazier says:

    The Katy & Barb series has been wonderful in introducing different perspectives on the ADD ‘world’ and how there is no one-size-fits-all method of negotiating it. I personally really enjoyed this approach as, although I know the characters aren’t real, they were easy to relate to and it is easier to understand when presented in an every-day setting. Seeing how Katy and Barb each tackled their problems in their own individual ways made the whole thing feel less like something bad that had to be changed, rather a quirk of life that could be managed. Thank you, Madelyn!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Awwwww – Lucy, you are the best! My apologies for how long it has taken me to approve and respond – blame WordPress (it is not “posting” my responses).

      In any case, you are the last comment for a bit (if this “takes) — TODAY is my b’day, and I’m taking a few days t-totally OFF!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lucy Brazier says:

        Oh happy birthday, my dear darling friend! I wish you the very best and most jolly of days! Enjoy your time off, relax and indulge, do whatever – I shall celebrate your special day from across the pond. Lots of love to you and Tink 😀

        Liked by 1 person

  11. mihrank says:

    this post is visual, practical, good exercise, a great adventure and wake up call!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • God Bless – and thank you so much for reading and ringing in.


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