Time, Stress and Denial


You CAN change your relationship to time
(or just about anything else)
But, of course, that means you have to CHANGE

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
from the Time Management & Executive Functioning Series


“The adrenal system reacts to stress
by releasing hormones
that make us alert and reactive.

The problem is
that the adrenal system
cannot tell what’s a regular case of nerves
and what’s an impending disaster.

The body doesn’t know the difference
between nerves and excitement
— between panic and doubt . . .”

~ Grey’s Anatomy, Season 9, Episode 8

WHY ARE YOU LATE?!!

If you have any flavor of Attentional Struggles – or Executive Functioning challenges for any other reason — I don’t have to tell you how tough it is to work with t-i-m-e!

If you are anything like me (or some of my former clients and students), finding out that many ADDers lack an internal sense of time— or a reliable one, anyway — was a huge relief.

At last!

An explanation for why others can set a time
and show up promptly and we can’t.

Whoa!  BACK UP JACK!

There are two potential problems with that “at last” momentary relief:

  1. Can’t” refers ONLY to attempting to deal with time internally
  2. An explanation is NOT a get out of jail free forevermore card

SO, if you have always struggled with something specific, (like time-management, in this example) and you want to leave that behind forevermore, you absolutely must begin to set new “time-management” systems in place if you EVER want anything to be different.

That, ladies and gents, is where things begin to fall apart in brand new ways . . .

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You can’t ALWAYS “trust your gut” — feelings aren’t FACTS

We build “neuro-links” that connect our bodies, our brains, and our emotions — beginning when we are very tiny, before we understand what much of anything really means.

As we grow, we build strategies designed to get our needs met — based upon the “decisions” we made earlier in life, combined with what we “decide” as the result of later experiences that confirm or contradict those earlier ones.  A great deal of that process resides below the level of consciousness.

Some of the New Age gurus speak of that dynamic as
unconsciously “building in resistance” to what we really want to attract.

However you choose to think about it, until we consciously examine and reexamine our strategies and reconstruct our behaviors to better serve us as adults, those “old tapes” continue to play, practically automatically.

As an overly-simplified example:

We learn, as infants, that if we cry when we are hungry or wet or scared and lonely that someone will (or will not) come to feed us, or change us, or rock us back to sleep.

We build many of our life-strategies based on our early experiences of “what happens” when we cry out for help.

If our parents subscribed to the school of thought that responding immediately to a crying baby raises a needy human being, we might “decide” that crying out for help is not likely to get us what we want or need.

  • If life experience doesn’t encourage us to reexamine that strategy of stoicism as we grow, when we become fearful that we can’t do it alone we might freeze — or we might attempt to soldier on in fear, undercutting our effectiveness — or we might become epic procrastinators, running away to avoid the situation entirely.
  • We might respond with shame if we ask for help, even in situations where a team approach is what is called for. Needlessly.

A flip-flop strategy

If our parents subscribed to the school of thought that allowing a baby to cry for any reason is cruel, we might “decide” that crying out for help is the only way to get what we need.

  • If life experience doesn’t encourage us to reexamine that strategy of  “helplessness” as we grow, we might become adults who are unable to push through the anxiety of exposure to anything we don’t already know how to handle.  That seeming “inflexibility” makes life-long learning difficult to impossible.
  • We might respond with panic if we can’t “force” others to help us in situations we probably could figure out without that help.
  • We might seek out or remain in unhealthy relationships where somebody else always tells us what to do.

Either way, whenever we need help, the resulting amygdala activation will sound the danger-danger-danger! alarm, “shutting down” the prefrontal cortex, our Executive Functioning regulator.  That shut-down will make activities like deciding, prioritizing, or activating extremely difficult.

Voila!  We now have another example that seems to confirm our original hypothesis, whether it really does or NOT – what psychological science refers to as confirmation bias.

Confirmation Bias

I have written before on the implications of the concept of confirmation bias, and there has been a great deal of research and writing on the topic by many other people, so many of you already have a familiarity with the expression. 

For those who do not . . .

Hurry up — and don’t be late AGAIN!

Back to using time-management as our example, how many times have we been rushed along, activating our “danger” circuits? How many times has it helped? 

If you are like me (and many of my clients and students), the answer is probably, “Almost NEVER.”

They mean well, those who speak to us in ways that make things worse instead of better.  They’re frustrated with us. 

Those with a reliable inner sense of time really don’t understand what life is like for those of us who don’t.

And because they don’t, they really believe that we don’t understand the importance of working within time’s structures — so they up the ante! 

They REALLY believe they are doing it for our own good, and seldom notice that it rarely works when they do it.

Rather than trying something different they,
effectively, keep pushing on a locked door.

They tend to speak to us as if they believe, instead, that WE are doing something annoying “on purpose” — that we are being purposely rude, or stubborn, or self-absorbed, or lazy — and that our attempts at explanation are merely “excuses.” 

And many of us have been spoken to in their “make wrong” fashion so many times that our fear circuits are now hypersensitive, activated any time the importance of T-I-M-E rears its ugly head. 

  • In response, we freeze, or run, or fight.
  • What we NEED to do is to apologize, take a few deep breaths or walk away until we can forgive them and ourselves, and take time to figure out what WE need to do to work within time’s boundaries.
  • The trick to success is to do that figuring out “off the clock” — apart from our attempts to get something accomplished “on time.”

Focusing on STRENGTHS instead of deficits

As you may have read in an earlier article, Moving from Black or White to GREY:

When people speak to us out of their interpretation of our supposed deficits or “growing edges” (or whatever language they use to justify the practice)even when their goal is the exact opposite – it almost always shuts us down in some fashion.

Phillip Martin, artist/educator

© Phillip Martin

Reminding us of the dangers of our deficits wakes up Mr. Amygdala – danger, danger, danger! – which pulls resources from the parts of our brain necessary to make effective decisions, prioritize action steps and activate for accomplishment.

Each comment that might as well be saying, “You’re not doing it right!”  pushes us one step closer to the edge of the black and white cliff.

Regardless of the intention, it’s not helpful!

As long as we attempt to calibrate our inner clocks from anyone else’s, we’ll never get them set right.

Deny Denial

That does NOT mean, however, that we try to ignore our deficits and challenges in masterful strokes of denial — it means we acknowledge them to work around them!

It means we try things on — NEW things, different things, techniques that are not the same-ole neurotypical advice — even if our feelings tell us that they will never work for us.

It means we push through our reticence and our anxieties and our flat-out terror at the thought that nothing will ever work for us any time a particular experiment fails to work as we thought it might.

It means we STOP beating ourselves up with that unfortunately familiar neurotypical stick!

Nothing works for everyone – and few of their ideas work well for those of us with Executive Functioning challenges.

It means we put away their Time Management Tips and Tricks, for example, in favor of advice and explanations that were designed to work for those of us with executive functioning difficulties [EFD] — at least until we get a few things working for us and understand what WE need to do to make things work.

It means we give ourselves the gift of TIME – the time it will take to read ADD/EFD articles thoroughly, underlining or reading aloud if that’s what it takes to stay tracked — or to take the TeleClasses with information designed to help those of us whose brains work differently (or those who haven’t had success with other forms of working for ANY reason).

It means we listen with an open mind and an open notebook — and it might mean we hire a brain-based coach who understands how to work with Executive Functioning Challenges.

  • However we do it, it means we try new EFD techniques repeatedly, for at least a week apiece, and then we tweak from the first point that things began to go awry and try it on again.
  • It means we DOCUMENT our experiments — on paper!
  • It means we experiment when the stakes are low.
  • It means we design systems based on our own unique functioning imperatives, and practice them until we’ve got them on auto-pilot.

Bottom Line . . .

It means we consciously examine our former strategies and reconstruct our behaviors to better serve us as the adults we have become, until those “old tapes” STOP playing automatically because we’ve stopped digging the old neuro-trenches deeper.

Get in touch if you want some help picking up the velocityI have a few openings in my schedule if you’d like to hire me to personally coach you through the process of change in a you-specific fashion — and celebrate with you as you watch your experience of life get better and better.

© 2014, 2017 all rights reserved
Check bottom of Home/New to find out the “sharing rules”</span
(reblogs always okay, and much appreciated)

No TIME to read all this stuff? Want more help?

man-on-phoneWatch for the announcement of an upcoming 12-week TeleClass on Modular Success Systems – three short months of weekly classes for a whole new life.

It will help you sort through a great many of the “functional modules” so that you can design an action plan much more effective than what most of you are currently attempting to work with and around.

As always, class size will be small to allow for personal attention, so don’t miss the announcement if you want to make sure you sign up before the class fills.

If you already know that this is something you are going to want to be part of, leave me a comment and I’ll make sure you have advanced notice (don’t forget to fill in your name and email on the comment form or I won’t be able to contact you or save you a seat).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Meanwhile, keep reading as often as you can!  To double the benefit, whenever you read a new article, make it a habit to pick at least one of the Related Content links to read at the same time (embedded in the text as well as in the Related Links at the bottom of every post).

If you’ll “like” or comment after the articles you read it will help you keep track of what you’ve already read and will point others to posts you find especially helpful (as well as helping ME to know what you want me to write about).

And I’d REALLY appreciate it if you would help me out by taking a few moments from your own life to spread the word about the blog and the upcoming TeleClass, OK?

LinkList to all of the Optimal Functioning (Challenges) Series of articles HERE
LinkList to all of the Time and Time Management Series of articles HERE


As always, if you want notification of new articles in the Time & Task Management Series – or any new posts on this blog – give your email address to the nice form on the top of the skinny column to the right. (You only have to do this once, so if you’ve already asked for notification about a prior series, you’re covered for this one too). STRICT No Spam Policy.

Want to work directly with me? If you’d like some coaching help with anything that came up while you were reading this Series (one-on-one couples or group), click HERE for Brain-based Coaching with mgh, with a contact form at its end (or click the E-me link on the menubar at the top of every page). Fill out the form, submit, and an email SOS is on its way to me; we’ll schedule a call to talk about what you need. I’ll get back to you ASAP (accent on the “P”ossible!).


You might also be interested in some of the following articles
available right now – on this site and elsewhere.

For links in context: run your cursor over the article above and the dark grey links will turn dark red;
(subtle, so they don’t pull focus while you read, but you can find them to click when you’re ready for them)
— and check out the links to other Related Content in each of the articles themselves —

Related articles right here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com

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About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

72 Responses to Time, Stress and Denial

  1. lwbut says:

    “Don’t believe everything you think!” – Love It! 😉

    Well written article (naturally) M. 🙂

    It’s not directly related to this one but something i have been pondering a little of late is just how much of what we think is down solely to us (if any of it ever is) and how much can be attributed to (in varying degrees) other things living both within and outside of our self.

    WE live in harmony with parasites and symbiotes who have different agendas to the ones we come up with, or think we do?

    How successful can we be in our chosen goals ideals when we have things inside us generating different intents than our mind does or who may have influences over what/how our mind thinks?

    It’s a very interesting area for investigation/awareness i think. 🙂

    love.

    Like

    • You know that idea is not much of a stretch – and not just in our gut etc., but in our GENES. Below Found HERE:

      “. . . a drop of surface seawater typically contains about 10 million [viruses] . . . found across the globe — on land, in oceans, and in a variety of host organisms, from bacteria to plants and animals. And that includes humans, down to our genetic building blocks.

      Since viruses cannot replicate on their own, they use the cells of the organisms they infect to make new copies of themselves. One type of virus, retroviruses, inserts a DNA copy of its RNA sequence into the host cell’s genome upon infection.

      If the virus inserts into a reproductive cell and that cell goes on to produce an offspring, the viral DNA gets passed on from parent to child as part of the genome. At this point, the virus is locked in and is passed on from generation to generation. These are called endogenous retroviruses, or ERVs, and this can happen in any type of organism that viruses infect, including humans.”

      Pretty interesting, huh? I could have written your comment myself. How much of “me” is really ME? Thanks for ringing in, Love. Always love your thoughtful comments.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • lwbut says:

        Wow! Thanks for the info ( and generous compliment!) i was thinking about the influence of living creatures such as bacteria up to intestinal parasites affecting our mental states, particularly since the gut has a hotline direct to the brain by which each interacts with the other, but viruses – they can infect every part of our body via intracellular fluids; we can breath them in, eat them or get them from a cut on our skin – or as you showed, inherit them also.

        Just who the heck are we really?? 😉
        How much of us comes just from our own thoughts compared to those of other creatures? it is kinda creepy thinking about it.

        I wonder if there is a course on what viruses and parasites think about so we can learn how to get along better? 😉

        love.

        Liked by 1 person

        • It certainly adds fuel to the “we are all one – brothers under the skin – it’s vibrational” fire, doesn’t it?

          I have been fascinated by the gut-brain axis info that has been coming out as well.

          “The bacteria cells in our body outnumber human cells 10 to 1, she says, but because they are much smaller than human cells, they account for only about 1 to 2 percent of our body mass—though they do make up about half of our body’s waste. ~ Found HERE.

          AND the article has a link to a site you might find interesting, given your comment, Love. Find it at the end of the very short post (linked in prior paragraph)

          A new nonprofit called MyMicrobes wants to connect people through a social network exclusively to talk and compare experiences with, you guessed it, bacteria (specifically gastrointestinal bacteria).
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

          • lwbut says:

            It certainly does! 🙂

            I’ll check out My Microbes when i have time, but i found new research that says we are roughly 50/50 microbes to human cells by number but only around half a pound by weight 9 around 30-40 trillion of each. Since the viruses can actually alter our own cells in their favour we don’t seem to have all that much ‘free will’ at all?

            love.

            Like

            • I don’t know how they come up with the exact numbers anyway – it seems different depending on which research you read. But I wonder along with you how much organisms of any sort influence our thoughts and behaviors as they “hitch a ride” in our bodies.
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

  2. This is so incredibly power packed Madelyn. Such research you have done and presented it so clearly. You have such a gift of presentation.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for that. There are times when I feel that I’m about as clear as mud, so I’m glad to read that my explanations make sense! 🙂
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  3. paulandruss says:

    Your articles are always enlightening Madelyn and I always enjoy reading them. It is such useful advice to people not to become be blinded by the total problem but to try and overcome each stage one at a time and to also change how you react if how you usually react doesn’t work. These are particularly useful strategies for writers to get over writer’s block.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Given your enormous writing talent, Paul, I am honored that you read my articles and find them enlightening. Thank you so much for letting me know. ::glowing::

      Your point about so-called “writer’s block” is very well taken – aptly named, since there seems to be a block to creativity, but not exactly what’s going on. It’s not unlike the “pressure” we feel when we can’t recall a name during an introduction (especially when it’s someone “important” or whom we know well and darn well “should” have their name at the ready). I always say, “Don’t chase it, it’ll RUN!” for a very good brain-based reason.

      When we stop stressing over the name it usually pops right in — frequently after it’s too late, but it DOES pop in. Books never stomp off insulted, of course, but the same phenomena shuts us down when we get stuck when we write. You are quite perceptive to note that “chunking” helps to stop stressing. (I find it difficult to believe that this is something you deal with very often, however.)

      hmmm – getting past writer’s block is a super idea for a post — I’ll credit your comment (whenever I get around to writing it lol) – and link to your blog. 🙂 Another reason to thank you for stopping by and leaving this comment.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • paulandruss says:

        Dear Madelyn, I would be honoured for you to use anything I ever say, so please feel free. And as you your lovely compliment and am blushing like a boiled beetroot and look just as appetising (i.e. not very appetising at all!)!

        Liked by 1 person

        • lol – I love beets – and red is one of my favorite colors, so you’d look just great to me. 🙂 btw – it was an acknowledgment, not a compliment. Just callin’ it as I seez it!
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

          • paulandruss says:

            That’s lovely Thank you. Hugs

            Liked by 1 person

  4. Reblogged this on Die Erste Eslarner Zeitung – Aus und über Eslarn, sowie die bayerisch-tschechische Region!.

    Liked by 1 person

    • How wonderful to see another reblog from you, Michael. Thank you so very much for spreading the word.
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  5. Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
    Time for some valuable life lessons from Madelyn Griffith-Haynie on time, stress and denial. You do need to read the entire post, carefully because Madelyn covers a number of key elements to our behaviour as adults. We all understand the term conditioning. Where we experience an event repeatedly when we are young and through our lifetimes respond to similar experiences with pleasure, fear, terror, anger etc. Madelyn uses the example of a crying baby and a parents reaction to that. Also we all have our own internal clock which does not always synchronise with those who are waiting for us.. and finally change does not always have to hold terror.. it can be great especially when we focus on our postitive attributes instead of the negative.. keep an open mind and head over and be energised.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh Sally – your introductions are always amazing, but this might be the best one yet. Thanks so much for sharing it with your readers by reblogging.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • Always delighted to share Madelyn you send out some very powerful messages.. hugs xx

        Liked by 1 person

        • I’m happy to know they come across as “powerful” and not “bossy” – lol.
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

  6. dgkaye says:

    You have such a gift of breaking things down into computable information M. I can think of so many people who need to read this. So many of us are obsessed with the clock in different ways. I put my own stress on myself with efforts to never be late. I don’t even know why I do, but that’s how I’m wired. And luckily I am because I married a man who I long ago nicknamed ‘Mr. In a Hurry”. He has a built in alarm clock in his brain and wakes up 10 minutes before the alarm goes off. Makes me wonder if he ever really gets into the deep sleep phase. When we first got married and he’d pressure me to be ready to leave for a party an hour before it started so we’d show up 20 minutes before it was called for I’d cringe. I was always the girl who liked to slither in and mingle and disappear the same way, often without a goodbye. It took a year or so of my rebellion to this early arrival thing but I prevailed, LOL. That’s my story. xo

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Deb – and good for you! Nobody likes folks who come earlier than the start time on the invite.

      I used to threaten to buy a bunch of gummy worms and leave them on the porch with a note: “The early bird gets the worm. Help yourself while you are NOT disturbing the hostess who is desperately trying not to be late.” Never had the guts, but I always wanted to do it.

      A good friend’s grandmother – much bolder than I – once said, through a crack in the door to some distant relatives who arrived from out of town several hours early, “Drive around – I’m not ready for you yet, ” then closed the door in their faces and locked it. True story.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • dgkaye says:

        Lol, good for her. I know I need every minute until my company comes. Early birds come in handy only in some things, like line ups for sales, lol. 🙂 ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        • and concert tickets – just ask the kids! 🙂
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

          • dgkaye says:

            🙂 🙂 xx

            Liked by 1 person

  7. Reblogged this on Words To Captivate ~ by John Fioravanti and commented:
    Madelyn Griffith-Haynie gifts us with good news: that we CAN change our relationship with Time and other things too if we are willing to change. Please, read on and be enlightened!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks again, John, for your help spreading the news. I think we ALL struggle with time-management to some extent – nobody seems to have as much time as they’d like to do everything they want to do. ::sigh::
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  8. Pingback: Pickling Time and Chunking Kale – koolkosherkitchen

    • Thank you SO much for the kudos and the links, Dolly. You are a doll indeed to help me spread the word.
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  9. Henrietta Watson says:

    Reblogged this on All About Writing and more.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you SO much for sharing this information with your readers, Henrietta. I really appreciate it.
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

      • Henrietta Watson says:

        You are welcome!

        Liked by 1 person

        • 🙂 Have a GREAT week.
          xx, mgh

          Like

          • Henrietta Watson says:

            Same to you!

            Liked by 1 person

            • Thanks! 🙂
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

  10. I wish I could throw the rabbit with the clock in the pan furever… I often feel like haunted from all things what are important (or things what look like important)….

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Lucy Brazier says:

    This is great! As someone whose anxiety soars to ridiculous levels at the very thought of being late, It is interesting to see things from the other side of the fence. In my case, I often end up at appointments and places very early, therefore wasting time which is not productive. In a way, I need to do the same things as my ‘always late’ friends – devise a better planning strategy so I don’t waste time, not to mention energy panicking about being late!
    xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Sorry about the anxiety about being late – but you’re not alone there. It’s one of the down-sides of having an inner time sense — those of us without it don’t hear the tick-tick-tick as loudly.

      The thing about “early” I can’t seem to get some folks to understand is that early is the ONE thing you can totally control. Walk around the block or sit on my stoop and read a book, if you must, until it’s time to ring my bell — but don’t make ME late because you want to make sure you get places early. As someone who almost always has last minute details to attend to, I can’t do what I need to do to be on time while I welcome early birds! Duh.

      Brand new meaning for “the early bird gets the worm” — I always want to make those folks eat them! 🙂 Not YOU, of course – I’ll take all the time I can get with you.
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

      • Lucy Brazier says:

        I wouldn’t dream of interfering with another person’s internal clock and, actually, if I’m with someone else the anxiety isn’t so bad. Being late together, for some reason, isn’t so bad! How strange is that?
        Xx

        Liked by 1 person

        • I know – I feel the same way about it. Bizarre but true.
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

  12. What’s a teleclass? I’ll be happy to spread the word if I have a better idea of the logistics of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, Dolly, It’s a cross between a conference call and a webinar without the visual and chat-function distractions. Everybody dials the same specific “bridge” number (and inputs a pin, both of which are sent to participants — all voice prompted on input) to be connected to each other and the Tele-CLASS. I take it from there.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you for clarification. Is there a participants limit?

        Like

        • I try to keep classes and workshops to an average of 18 — much bigger and personal attention gets tricky, much smaller and there aren’t enough people to keep the participation ball rolling (small classes get self-conscious).

          If it’s simply an intro (only one session, which I usually do gratis and frequently make the tape available afterwards), it’s more like a lecture anyway, so size doesn’t really matter all that much.

          It just takes a bit longer for everyone to “sign in” when there is a large group (remember, I expect many of these EF folks to struggle with time, so they tend to straggle) — then I mute everyone after 5 or so minutes, so late-comers can listen but they can’t interrupt what’s going on with ongoing popping in with “Hello? am I on the right bridge? Sorry I’m late, etc.” 🙂

          We ride the horse in the direction it’s going – lol.
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

          • All this sounds like so much technology to me, and I am amazed as to how skillful you are navigating the tech side. Years ago I taught an experimental course that was half-online and half-personal contact (I did not design it this way; it was mandated by those higher up who were still afraid of purely online teaching and learning). However, the online part was conducted in the chat room, rather than audio interaction. I don’t think audio interaction / tele-conferencing technology even existed 25 years ago.
            Are your participants generally comfortable with the tech part of it?

            Liked by 1 person

            • It began around that time, actually, Dolly. The coach-training field was an early pioneer. The development of phone bridges & bridge technology made online training POSSIBLE. “Conference calls” to that point were conducted only with a lot more hassle on the part of the organizers.

              At the beginning bridges were audio ONLY (no computer usage involved) – which is little different than placing any other phone call (except for the pin, which keeps lurkers and trolls out).

              Once you are beyond registering as the “owner” of the bridge, it sounds more “techie” than it is. If callers are comfortable talking on the phone, they will be totally comfortable with a TeleClass by the end of their first call — as long as the facilitator knows how to lead a TeleClass and is good at it. (Not everyone IS.)

              I was one of only 7 or 8 TeleClass Leaders in the entire world when Coach U began – and have now led many hundreds of classes in this manner, so it’s “in my bones.” Probably because I understood how to work on radio from my acting years, the technique made sense to me from the beginning, so I was great at it (according to the participants). I actually had “groupies” – who always signed up for the classes I led vs. another TCL as often as they could.

              In 25 years I have only received feedback from ONE person for whom it did not work – who thought she “needed” visuals beyond the outline and course materials (which were, of course, visual – but THEY choose when to focus where, which is a BIG difference!).

              In my experience, visuals (including “Powerpoints”) split focus — they may be effective (and funny!) in relatively short TED talks, but if you are actually trying to TEACH something for an hour, why in the world would you ask your participants to, effectively, go back and forth, trying to read and listen in the way YOU believe works for everyone?

              It’s neurologically impossible to do both, btw – it is *always* at least a momentary distraction that the neurodiverse rarely navigate well.

              At the beginning I had to pay for bridge use – there were NO free bridges and everyone had to place a long-distance call they paid for (and classes were priced to keep that in mind). Unlimited phone plans came later. My monthly phone bill to keep OFI and the free ADD Hours up and running was outrageous for years! MANY thousands in total.

              As bridge providers began to figure out how to add “upgrade” features, a few began to offer “basic” usage (with participant limits) for free as they marketed to larger businesses and corporations who needed or wanted more. One by one, the others had no choice but to do so as well.

              The upgrade “bells and whistles” ARE a pain unless you have an admin on line while you facilitate the call. It’s impossible to really focus on the the participants while you deal with the tech – and there is more upfront tech prep than I believe is helpful for anyone, ROI-wise — you must produce slides, etc., line up deck automation, have camera equipment, and pay attention all over the map during the call.

              When I have been an attendee on one of what they now call “webinars,” precious content delivery minutes have ALWAYS been lost to explaining features and fielding frustrations (I can’t see the slide! How do I get to the chat? I can’t hear you anymore! etc.) Not to mention the huge distraction it ALWAYS is for all participants, even if everything were to go without a problem.

              If people want what I, uniquely, have to offer, they won’t find it at one of those webinars – lol – unless I am a guest at somebody else’s!
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • I thank you for the detailed explanation, and yes, you are unique in what you do. As to the neurological impossibility to integrate auditory, visual, and kinesthetic modes of learning into instruction, it works perfectly well in a live classroom, but I am not technically advanced enough to even imagine how to do it online.
              Lecture mode with Q&A at the end is justified for what you are doing; that’s why you are successful in it. I am thinking of something else entirely, but it is still in the “thinking” stage.
              I want to post your announcement, but I’ll have to incorporate it into a recipe – I hope you don’t mind!

              Liked by 1 person

            • “Live” vs. virtual classes are more like the difference between talking to someone in the car while you drive and talking on the phone. When everybody is “live” they coordinate “time slicing.”

              It is fairly easy to integrate participation on the call – and works best to do so, btw. I do take questions and comments at the end, but I request it *during* the class as well (keeps the verbal processors awake – lol). Come to an intro and it will make more sense.

              With the CoachU classes, as much of the content as possible was participant generated through skillful questioning (“Socratic Method”).

              It’s a bit harder to draw out the answers to some of my brain-based explanation info, so I have to “explain” more than I did with the CU classes, where the info was more “psychological” in nature.

              As for integrating with a recipe – mind? I would be honored – and boy am I curious as to how you might do it. 🙂 I’ll reference it when I announce that registration is open.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • I understand your parallel, and I understand how you are conducting your sessions. I’ll need to consult with my son who does teleconferencing on daily bases facilitating Q&A’s in several languages simultaneously. I don’t even want to go into those high-tech possibilities –
              WAY beyond me! Especially since I am not even thinking about business or any “monetizing opportunities,” as they are called in the blogosphere. I do need to see people, though, their facial expressions, their body language, etc. and I want interaction, rather than Q&A. In other words, my teaching style is quite John Dewey-ish; that of a facilitator, rather than a lecturer. As a coach, I am sure your style must be different, and the technology suits it.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Different strokes, as they say. When I compare myself to your son, it’s like we’re from entirely different planets (and mine is not nearly as tech-advanced as his) 🙂 English only as well.

              Best wishes finding a format that works for your needs – and I do mean *your* needs. If it doesn’t really work for you it won’t work for anybody else either.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • Oh, you are from the same tech-advanced and tech-aware planet as my son! You are the same age and the same generation. I saw my first VCR at the age of 28, and I didn’t know what it was.
              I see that you already saw my post with links to yours, and I hope you are not too offended by my funky way of presenting serious topics.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Are you kidding? I adored the way you worked it in to introduce one of your wonderful recipes. Serious topics ALL need more than a bit of humor – spoon full of sugar and all that.

              I believe you think I’m younger than I am, Dolly. I’m fairly certain you and I are contemporaries closer in age than I am to your son. The main difference is that I grew up here in the US – so became aware of tech as it was developed (even though I always stayed well back from the “bleeding edge.”)
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • Dear Madelyn, my son is almost 47. Even though I am sure you are always 21 (and I am always 18), i think you are still closer to his age than to mine. Or, perhaps, around my husband’s and my brother’s age, and both of them are techies. I am the only weird humanitarian in this bunch!

              Liked by 1 person

            • If I’d have gotten pregnant in High School (which would have been impossible – lol), I could have given birth to your son, Dolly. I’d have been a young mother, but I’m really older than my old photo looks – lol.

              Lucky you to have techies in the family!
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • We are all older than our photos look, but I was a very young mother. In my times, if a girl was unmarried by 20, she was considered an old maid and nobody would want her.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Oh my! I was already an old maid then, LONG before I married.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • And probably better off for that!
              So I am estimating you are about my husband’s / my brother’s age. Anyway, you are firmly and definitely 21!

              Liked by 1 person

            • 40 was my favorite birthday in my adult life (including a wonderful dinner at my dearly loved Cafe des Artists, in a small room with amazing celebs) – and it started out to be a pretty good decade too.

              21 wasn’t bad, but nothing like my 40th! I was still learning many needed lessons in that decade – but I’ll take either one as far as looks go. 🙂
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • My favorites were 25 (that’s when I decided to be 18 for the rest of my life), with my friends staging a whole comedy show, complete with songs and dances, and then 45 when my husband threw a surprise party for me, with my Gypsy friends performing. 60 wasn’t bad, too. Other than that, no birthdays celebrated.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Wow, Dolly – those sound like wonderful birthday parties.

              25 was my worst – cried most of the day, thinking, “I’m a quarter of a century old and what have I done with my life?!” Once I got past that, every other birthday was a celebration, regardless.

              Since my b’day came along at a time when my poor mother was swamped (T-giving, my Dad’s b’day, Christmas, getting ready for New Years) I promised my little girl self that I’d make a BIG fuss of my birthday every single year once I left home.

              For many years I celebrated for the entire month of November – but things grew quieter as I aged. Now my idea of a great celebration is to make NO plans for the entire day and follow the whims of the moment (and sometimes I didn’t even make it out of my PJ’s!)
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • That’s a great way to celebrate – something that never occurred to me.

              Liked by 1 person

            • THE best! These days, even if people want to take me out to celebrate I say, “Maybe, let’s see how I feel that day.” If you want to PLAN something, let’s do it on another day.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • As long as it make you happy!

              Liked by 1 person

            • My friends not only understand, a few of them have adopted my way of celebrating as well. It’s like being a kid on a summer day again – whatever the month of your birthday. Doing whatever you feel like doing – and nothing you don’t.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • I get it, but I do that every day, every moment of the day – what’s difference?

              Liked by 1 person

            • Ah – you have it more together than I, Dolly. There are still “things to do” here that don’t really light me up — thus, the “chunking.”
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • I generally make a point to do things I enjoy doing and enjoy things I have to do, I am not in communist Russian any more, thank G-d!

              Liked by 1 person

            • I am so glad you are not in communist Russian any more, too – great perspective, huh? I’m still working on that “enjoying the have-tos” part myself.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • When I drove my first American car to an intersection, stopped, and realized that if I turn left, I can go all the way to Canada, and if I turn right, I can go all the way to Florida (which I eventually did), that feeling of freedom re-framed my perspective. The only “have-tos” are the ones I choose for myself.

              Liked by 1 person

            • What a moment to have in your memory banks! A visceral feeling of freedom. May this country always have it to offer.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • Amen!

              Liked by 1 person

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