Standing FOR High Standards


Indications of who you really are
Creating your Reality

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
from the Coaching Series

Higher or Lower?

Several years ago I posted a couple of coaching articles written to open your paradigms on the way to breaking loose from the habit of perfectionism and black and white thinking:

The Virtues of Lowering your Standards
and
Getting to Good Enough

And now it may seem as if I am encouraging you to do the exact opposite. Sheesh!

It’s a trick of language – two different meanings for the same word

When I speak of “lowering your standards” (small “s”) I am using the meaning most similar to, “an idea or thing used as a measure, norm, or model in comparative evaluations.” ~ Google Dictionary

Using that meaning of the word, I am referring primarily to getting beyond that crazy idea that “any task worth doing is worth doing well.”

Many folks continue to intone that meme as if it were a universal truth, without stopping to notice that it’s a great big black and white SHOULD.

It always seemed to me that if the task’s worth doing at all, any forward progress is good forward progress, right?

Aren’t these “Do it WELL” folks the same ones who swear
that “slow and steady wins the race?”

Think AGAIN

JUST because a task is worth doing, doesn’t mean that it is
automatically deserving of top-of-the-line priority focus.  Duh!

A job worth doing is worth doing adequately, too.

There is not enough time in anybody’s life to do every single thing in an A+ manner.  Good enough really IS good enough for many of life’s to-dos and activities.

Embracing that idea leaves a great deal more time for working at the top of your game where it really matters – like honoring your very own Personal Standards.  It makes for a much happier and more satisfying experience of living.

Friend and colleague Tom Nardone came up with a nifty chart to underscore that idea.

Raising Personal Standards is a different animal altogether.

When I speak of raising your Standards (capital “S”), I am using a meaning closer to (but not really the same as) “principles of conduct informed by notions of honor and decency.” ~ Google Dictionary

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So what ARE Personal Standards?

Personal Standards are nothing more than a set of behaviors by which you guide your life. These behaviors are built upon global expectations you have of yourself in a variety of situations. They are not necessarily performance standards or attached to society’s notions of morality or what you ‘should’ do.

What are High Personal Standards?

High Personal Standards represent those very best behaviors and actions to which you hold yourself, just because that’s the kind of person you are.  Jettison the idea of “morality,” since that sends most of us over to “should” territory.  It’s more a Values thing.

The higher you set your Standards, the clearer a reflection of your Purpose they become.

Once you have set Boundaries and surrounded yourself with people who respect you enough to honor them, it is time to look inward once again and choose who you are by the Standards you hold and honor.

First, let’s look at what a High Personal Standard is NOT:

  • A should – get rid of those!
  • An ego trip or a chance to feel righteous
  • Something you do because you are told you must
  • Something to copy simply because it works for somebody else

You can’t decide to establish High Personal Standards because it will get you something else (in other words, an “in order to” activity) – that will rarely be effective.

  • Your Standards are simply an expression of WHO you feel yourself called to BE.
  • The first step in raising your Personal Standards is recognizing the ones you already have in place.

If you are like I was (along with many of my clients) you probably haven’t fully acknowledged many of your Personal Standards until you have taken the time to look, framing them in language that speaks to you.

When you do, however, you’ll probably be delighted to discover
that they are and have always been the frame for who you ARE. 

But guess what?  They change as you change.  Personal Standards are always a measure of who you are now.  It is always more effective to operate with the Standards that we are ready for and comfortable with right now.

  • When we raise Standards too rapidly we tend to become overwhelmed and beat ourselves up when we are unable to honor them every single time.
  • When we raise Standards “organically” they simply become an expression of how we go about life.

A man’s life is measured by the company he keeps

Attributed to many different people, nowhere could the quote above be more apt than in the area of Personal Standards.

Once you jettison the time and energy vampires, you’ll have more time to hang out and develop relationships with people whose Standards you admire, which will quickly become your new “normal.”

As you spend more time with folks who are energetically uplifting, you’ll not only be encouraged to honor your current Standards, you’ll find yourself naturally motivated to raise them over time.

It’s a dynamic the coaching field refers to as “upgrading community,” one of several of the elements that, combined together, form a Personal Foundation™ supporting a life of happiness and fulfillment.

Unfortunately, the opposite is also true.

It can all too easily seem “normal” to limp along with life when most of the people with whom you surround yourself have lower Personal Standards than those to which you aspire.  Water seeks its own level, as they say.

A few ideas to get you started:

BASIC Personal Standards

  • Being honest
  • Being nice
  • Treating animals and children kindly
  • Always saying thank you, even for simple favors

Higher Personal Standards

  • Always telling the truth, as kindly as possible, even if there is a consequence
  • Walking the talk that people are more important than results —
    jettisoning the idea that the end justifies the means
  • Addressing your own needs first (and making time to keep the basics in place) —
    because it assists you in helping others
  • Expressing gratitude for many wonderful things it is easy to take for granted
    every single day

HIGH Personal Standards to inspire you:

  • Being unconditionally constructive with everything you say or do —
    “making others right” because they are
  • Being fully responsible for everything that happens to you or around you
  • Maintaining reserve levels in all domains —
    to give you peace and allow you to be fully present
  • Being grateful for ALL of life’s lessons

QUESTIONS FOR YOU

* What are the Personal Standards you already honor?

* If you had to raise one of them, which one would it be?

* How would you word your brand new Standard?

* What would then be available in your life that is not available now?

© 1994, 2017, all rights reserved
Check bottom of Home/New to find out the “sharing rules”
(reblogs always okay, and much appreciated)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

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When I stepped through each of the elements myself, many years ago now,
my life was simply NOT the same ole’ grind by the end of the course!

I have since tweaked the original 12-session syllabus to add a few elements and tailor it specifically for the community I support, and I’m told it’s even more effective across the board.

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About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

87 Responses to Standing FOR High Standards

  1. Christy B says:

    I hold myself to a very high standard so I already know this is an article that I will come back to re-read in the future, Madelyn. I know what you are saying about not enough time in a day to go everything exactly to the highest standards so I will have to stop doing that as some days are quite long! Only I struggle a bit because I want to do my best all the time; that’s how I was raised and the work ethic my parents have had. So, instead, I’ll try my best for balance. Thank you for this wonderful post xx

    Liked by 1 person

    • Another GREAT comment, Christy – thank you. There are a lot of us “high-functioning” individuals who are running ourselves ragged in arenas that don’t merit that level of engagement. As we age and life becomes more complex we really do need to decide where to put our best efforts and where good enough is perfect for the task – and move on when we reach that level.

      As you point out, BALANCE is the goal we need to strive for.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • Christy B says:

        Your comment reminds me that I’m not alone in my feelings, Madelyn. Your blog really is a source of education and peace for me xx

        Liked by 1 person

        • What a sweet endorsement, Christy. Thank you so much — and I promise you that, not only are you are NOT alone in your positive, proactive outlook, more and more people are jumping on our bandwagon.
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

  2. dgkaye says:

    Great points Madelyn. We have to keep our standards high, but often we overload ourselves with them, trying to be perfect in every department. So not doable. Thanks for important reminders. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

    • Thank YOU for your always encouraging comments, Deb. I had to make friends with my lack of “perfection” some years ago – lol.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • dgkaye says:

        I’m still battling mine, lol. ❤

        Liked by 1 person

        • Me too, Deb – winning, however (most days – lol)
          xx, mgh

          Like

  3. I missed this great post, Madelyn. Horrible and hectic week last week! In some jobs and areas of work you have to keep the standards very high all the time. Such in the nature of my job as I deal with the stock exchange and the documents that influence public investing decision making. That is why I have resigned. My company has given me more and more work (12 transactions at the last count). It is impossible to do so much work to the necessary high standard. Errors come back to bite you in this industry.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Scary — you are SO right that you can’t afford to rush through financial work or let your Standards slip. Very short-sighted of that company to pile that much work on a single person as they did – even someone as competent as you.

      The daughter of a friend resigned from my building’s management company for a similar reason. They had to replace her with TWO people. Too late smart.

      I’m sure your ex-company is mourning over losing YOU – but congrats on your decision to resign.
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

      • Thank you, Madelyn. The end is in sight. Two more days next week.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Hip – hip! So this is your “last” weekend for a while – lol. If it weren’t for other bloggers I’d barely know what day it is most weeks. I haven’t gone into an outside office in decades! It is difficult, sometimes, for me to take a day “off”

          While the kids are home for the summer, only your husband’s schedule will keep you tethered to specific days of the week. Have fun with it — and try not to work *every* day, even when it’s fun work.
          xx,
          mgh

          Like

  4. daisymae2017 says:

    I try to keep my standards high but that’s not always easy. I take each day one day at a time and try to keep my standards high. Liked this post a lot. Shared on LinkedIn.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks so much for sharing!

      Point of clarification: Your Standards remain where you set them, Crystal. You are actually talking about maintaining your Boundaries around them – ie. “honoring” your own standards. And yes, that takes some focus and isn’t always easy.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • daisymae2017 says:

        No it isn’t always easy

        Liked by 1 person

        • Always worth it, tho’.
          xx, mgh

          Liked by 1 person

          • daisymae2017 says:

            Yes it is.

            Liked by 1 person

  5. I’m trying to surround myself with people with similar standards. Cheers,H

    Liked by 1 person

    • I know you do, Helen. You are amazing (and very humorous) in the way in which you approach life from what I read on your blog.
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  6. An excellent set of Standards Madelyn.. 🙂 and wise words .. 🙂 Wishing you a peaceful weekend

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you, Sue. A few examples only – there are many more I could have listed in one or the other of the 3 categories I divided them into. I like the ones I chose, however.

      You have a wonderful rest of the weekend yourself — joyful.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • 💐

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Madelyn once again you have brought us the reader to a new height of awareness. As we read and re-read this piece there was so much to glean. It is another topic we in our household regularly have discussion on. Who are we and are we walking the walk or just talking the talk. Finding balance is such an endeavor. Perfectionism can debilitate and shoddiness can too. Personal standards is just that, personal but it doesn’t mean settling for either. And the point about the “company we keep” is critical. The Bible calls it “bad company corrupts good morals” and from experience can attest to its validity. We could go on and on but you really brought out so much to be processed and internalized. Excellent!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Lot’s of wisdom in that Book! In my own life, the company has never been actually “bad” (most of the time – lol) but sometimes more negative than I want in my “vibration.” My life is SO much more fun to live when I surround myself with positive people.

      It seems that people are like plants scattering “seeds” — positive or negative — and the more I meet, the more I meet. These days Tink and I focus on smiles, and Cincinnati is responding in kind.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • Amen Madelyn!!! Let yours and Tinks joy and effervescence spill all over Cincinnati!!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

        • 🙂 Tink is my role model – he is *always* so happy to greet new 2-legged friends (and to bark at the 4-legged ones, lol)
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

          • 🙂

            Liked by 1 person

            • WOOF!

              Like

            • 🙂

              Liked by 1 person

  8. Reblogged this on Die Erste Eslarner Zeitung – Aus und über Eslarn, sowie die bayerisch-tschechische Region!.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for reblogging this one, Michael. Let’s hear it for raising Standards across the globe – love and kindness for ALL!
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  9. Thought provoking. A great prompt for some self-examination.

    Liked by 1 person

    • I think it’s fun, as well as uplifting, to dig around in *Self* examination – so I’m pleased that you find the post a great prompt for same, Ernesto. NOT that you havea great deal of time for that with Little Frankie around, huh? LOVED seeing his photo on the computer screen on the desk photo you posted recently. They grow so fast (cliche of the decade, but so true).
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  10. -Eugenia says:

    Setting high personal standards is a way to stay in tune with who we are and who we want to be. I like to keep raising the bar on my personal brand, my persona, my reputation – whatever words one wants to use to describe themselves and their actions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It shows on your lovely blog, Eugenia. I can tell I would love meeting you in person very much. Thanks for stopping by.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • -Eugenia says:

        What a kind comment, Madelyn. I would like to meet you too. I believe we would have a lot to talk about. 😃

        Liked by 1 person

        • I imagine we’d go on for many happy hours — over coffee, of course. 🙂
          xx,
          mgh

          Like

  11. Reblogged this on Words To Captivate ~ by John Fioravanti and commented:
    What are Personal Standards? Madelyn Griffith-Haynie gifts us with a fresh and practical look at an old concept. Please, read on…

    Liked by 1 person

    • Oh goodie – I’m thrilled as with that “practical” word as I am with the reblog, John. I was hoping in wouldn’t land sounding “airy-fairy” OR simplistic. Thank you!
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • These concepts that you write about are things I don’t often think about, so I have difficulty with them. By the time your explanations are complete, I understand. Nothing simple about any of this, Madelyn. I’m happy to share your wisdom.

        Liked by 1 person

        • Actually, it’s extremely “simple” — just not EASY! lol 🙂

          As for sharing “my” wisdom — I’d love to take credit, but I can only share my own perspective in words to describe the wisdom of the ages. These Standards principles go all the way back to Plato – and probably earlier than that (as I’m sure YOU know, you history maven you!)
          xx,
          mgh

          Liked by 1 person

          • You got me on the Plato source. I’ve studied some things Plato wrote, but not everything. You’re right – none of this is easy!

            Liked by 1 person

            • lol – no matter! The only thing that any of us really need to know is that there’s little about human growth and development that is actually new.

              We humans have been grappling with how to handle this thing called life since our earliest days – and each of us who think about it and talk about it and write about it with anything approaching “wisdom” is merely adding his or her perspective from his or her experience in an attempt to be helpful.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • You’re right – these are age-old questions and struggles, but medical science, psychology, and sociology are giving us new insights and helping us to create new wisdom – with better understanding. These aren’t my fields, so I struggle sometimes to understand. Your explanations make that possible for me. Thank you!

              Liked by 1 person

            • What a sweet comment, John. Thank you!
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

  12. Madelyn always come out with the best of information. So encouraging and an inspiration to one and all. There are so many positive features that change your life for the better. Thanks for the lovely share.

    Like

    • Kamal, you are always SO endorsing. Thank you so much for dropping by and leaving this loving comment.
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

      • Thanks dear Madelyn u r a great motivator. Good night to you see u in the morning

        Liked by 1 person

        • Ditto, Kamal. I’m am so grateful to have connected with you.
          xx,
          mgh

          Like

          • Welcome and thanks so much same here Madelyn have a good sleep gn

            Liked by 1 person

            • Thank you my dear virtual friend. I’ll drop by your patch of the blog-o-sphere when I awaken tomorrow.
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

            • For sure anytime give my love to Tink too

              Liked by 1 person

            • We’re finally off to bed now. Tink sends his woofs!
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

            • Take care

              Liked by 1 person

            • Gn sweet dreams

              Liked by 1 person

            • Thank you, Kamal. It is now “morning” for us, and time for bed for you. Isn’t it a wonder that blogging connects us all over the world, despite time zones and chronorhythms? Sweet dreams to you, sweet Kamal.
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

            • Yes absolutely Madelyn though it is 11.00 pm right now in Mumbai and since tomorrow is Sunday will sleep after an hour but yes this is our virtual world

              Liked by 1 person

            • It is shortly after 1:30 pm here in the Eastern timezone (same as New York City). Quite amazing that we are “speaking” despite the distance between us.

              As usual, Tink and I awakened shortly before noon – but it took several hours for me to fall asleep last “night,” listening to one of my favorite YouTube “gurus” to keep my busy brain focused on something positive as I calmed my body and waited for sleep’s curtains to close on the day.

              My prayers that you fall quickly into a peaceful slumber.
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

            • Thanks dear and which person r u listening on YouTube cause even I do the same like eckhart, Wayne, Louis hay and many more

              Liked by 1 person

            • I listen to those as well – but last night it was a series of Abraham-Hicks, which encourages me to accept what is and focus on the joy.
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

            • Oh k I have heard Abraham quite good. Yes joy and bliss is our true nature and that is life in a nutshell. We have nothing to take but love and making others happy.

              Liked by 1 person

            • I have an open mind and explore all sorts of way of being alive. They are not for everyone, as nothing really is.

              If you enjoy the Louise Hay material you will probably find them an interesting way of looking at the law of attraction. It may take a few of them to understand the terms they use, however.
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

            • Yes, yes and having an open mind is best.

              Liked by 1 person

            • I find it so, and my interests are quite varied.

              I resonate to the Hamlet quote: “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy” (Philosophy was science in Shakespeare’s day).
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

            • Yes absolutely true and for sure there r various things in heaven and earth.

              Liked by 1 person

            • And I find more fascinating things (and people and thoughts) every single day.
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

            • Great, great, love and hugs to you and Tink dear gn see u in the morning. Tc

              Liked by 1 person

            • Sleep tight.
              xx, mgh

              Like

            • Thanks dear

              Liked by 1 person

  13. Another brilliant article – very existential. I venture to suggest that High Personal Standards are somewhere on Maslow’s Self-actualization level, but they are definitely to strive for.

    Liked by 1 person

    • You are absolutely right, Dolly – and striving for Self-actualization is a worthy goal that I have found personally to be life-changing.
      xx,
      mgh

      Liked by 1 person

      • As an avowed existentialist, I can only applaud this statement.

        Like

        • Thanks, Dolly. Much of what we experience in life is truly up to how we approach life (some folks would say ALL of what we experience, but I believe more that our response to what happens sets the tone of what comes next, how we feel about it and how we respond). Perhaps that makes me an existentialist as well. 🙂
          xx,
          mgh

          For anyone else reading:
          Existentialism is “a philosophical theory or approach that emphasizes the existence of the individual person as a free and responsible agent determining their own development through acts of the will.” ~ Google dictionary

          Liked by 1 person

          • Google dictionary is right, but the theory itself is based on Plato’s dictum “existence precedes essence.” I believe that it is our approach to existence, i.e. shaping our experiences through conscious, mindful actions and reactions, that makes us what we are. In other words, a true existentialist, as opposed to an armchair philosopher, is someone who takes a proactive approach to life.

            Like

            • Thanks for adding this, Dolly. That “proactive approach to life” is a thread I have followed for most of my life (and have advocated throughout my coaching career, of course!).
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • I know you have, and that’s why I admire your articles so much. Great minds think alike: you, I, Plato…

              Liked by 1 person

            • lol – we are all about uplifting our world. THAT’s what makes us “great minds.”
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person


            • These guys are also trying to uplift the world; as you can see, it’s not easy! I passed this sculpture for years on my way to the music school. The image is embedded in my subconscious. Yet we are still trying!

              Liked by 1 person

            • WOW! The weight of the world is heavy indeed. I choose to believe the good guys are winning, however.

              Thanks for the photo.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • Those Greek myths are quite symbolic in that the good guys have to put in a lot of effort in order to win.

              Liked by 1 person

            • Some day, perhaps, it will no longer be so, but this administration is not likely to hasten that day. It’s up to the rest of us!
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • Question: do you do groups by Skype or some other technology online?

              Liked by 1 person

            • Bridge technology – like a conference call where everyone calls the same number at the same time, then inputs a pin.

              Number & pin (and instructions) sent by email once enrolled. NO visuals – ADD/EFDers aren’t served by the distractions of most webinars! I’ve done ALL my classes & groups in this format.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • You’answered my next question before I asked – no visuals. Thank you. I am exploring something that has been done the same way as you describe, but I think visuals will be beneficial for my purpose. We’ll see – still in the exploration stage.

              Like

            • Google “free bridges” and check them out — many now also have a webinar option (visual). I just don’t use it, so can’t tell you much more there, and there may be an “upgrade fee” involved.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

            • Thank you so much for your advice; I’ll do that.

              Liked by 1 person

            • You are so welcome. Glad I could help in some small way.
              xx,
              mgh

              Liked by 1 person

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