Tinkerbell Comments – scorn and disbelief

I don’t clap, so you’re not real
The failure of many to understand or believe

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
in the Monday Grumpy Monday Series

Preaching to the Choir

I spend a great deal of [non-billable] time in an attempt to remain current and relevant in my field.  As part of that endeavor, I troll the internet, reading and engaging with a great many posts by fellow bloggers of a great many related-though-different areas of focus – ADD/EFD comorbidities like TBI/ABI, Sleep Disorders, Bi-Polar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety, Chronic Illnesses of various sorts, and more.

Again and again I come across attempts to “explain what it’s like” – especially to others who don’t struggle similarly, most likely read primarily by those who do.

Related posts:
Mental Health: What we’re dealing with
Update: Imploding
Do you ever feel like giving up?
It’s Not Me, It’s You!
Things I wish someone told me after my TBI

Click around on almost any support and advocacy site you visit and you will almost always find a comment or several discussing one of the most difficult situations common to practically every individual with functional challenges.

There seems always to be a need to overcome the comments of seemingly empathy-deficient, unthinking, tough-love advocates who doubt the veracity of what they are seeing and hearing.

There is too much pain in too many comments disclosing that too many others seem to imply (or actually state with suspicion or supposed certainty) that we are somehow and for some bizarre reason, exaggerating, making up excuses, diagnosis shopping or outright  “faking it.”

Sadly, some of those unthinking comments have even been uttered from the mouths of shamefully uninformed helping professionals charging to provide assistance and guidance.

Regular readers will probably notice that this is not the first time you’ve seen many of the points in this post – not by a long shot – but I will continue to publish what I hope will become transformational rants periodically until things change to the point where they don’t get my dander up on Grumpy Mondays.

The self-help underground

For years now, many of us have been forced to find ways to succeed despite the lack of understanding and assistance extended to most of us.  Through the years and bit-by-bit, we’ve built our own underground railroad of cognitive processing information and support.

Those of us with diagnoses more long-standing have not only found ways to jump over society’s hurdles in addition to the neurological challenges and psychological after-effects we brave, we have made room in our hearts, our lives and our schedules to reach out to those “behind” us on what I refer to as the Attentional Spectrum highway.

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar
for a reminder of how links work on this site, they’re subtle ==>

So what’s going on with the rest of society?

I’ve never understood why so MANY arenas intersecting what I refer to as the attentional spectrum have not been studied by more scientists more thoroughly — to the point where nobody is able to doubt that those challenges are real, and almost every doctor-down-the-street understands how to work with them — but here are a few of my thoughts on the question:

  1. Money. Lack of adequate research funding surely plays a significant part (doesn’t it ALWAYS?!)
  2. “Attention” – intentional focus facility, foundational to the ability to “drive one’s own brain” – probably seems like such an ephemeral concept to most of those who don’t personally struggle with the dynamics of attending. How do you explain the probable implications of the findings of a study in a manner that won’t sound “airy-fairy” or inspire the fear of appearing too close to the psychology, philosophy or “junk science” line in the eyes of the rest of the science community?
  3. Then, of course, more than a few adults have never gotten beyond that teen urge to be part of the in-crowd, so that probably figures in subconsciously. Back in high school, most research scientists were probably not those considered high-school-hunks, so they probably were not the ones dating the cheerleaders (or vice-versa). Some may even have been made fun of or bulled as a result of their brain-more-than-brawn/beauty intellects. It’s not much of a stretch to imagine that a barely acknowledged underlying fear of censure from the skeptics is a fairly effective stopper in those cases.
  4. Most neuropsychs have most likely been through some personal therapy in their training, surely — but a great many of the “hard” science crowd are still not the friendliest with the idea of the crying need for mental health awareness and assistance, to understate the obvious, nor is much of society at large.
  5. Other types of scientists may be disdainful as well, so they probably have little idea of whatever it is that underlies their own cognitive facades and confirmation biases – with little chance of finding out without some rigorous Self-examination they are unlikely to undertake unless something pushes them over a diagnostic line personally.
  6. Pragmatics are probably a big piece of it too. The hours of most people’s days are spent working on some other focus. Most probably have some kind of family-life obligations once they get home, and a spouse with at least a low-level desire to get out of the house together once in a while.  I’ll bet there’s little time remaining to think about much beyond those arenas — even when things are humming along without a hitch (and how many people can say THAT very often?!)
  7. And then there are those periodic books claiming that ADD does not exist that, in my not-so-humble opinion, have been written primarily to attract publicity for the authors (which the popular press is only oh-so-eager to supply), hoping to line the personal and corporate pockets of all involved. They seem to give less than a nanosecond’s thought for what is likely to happen as a result:

HUNDREDS more children will be left to flounder undiagnosed until they are seriously struggling in adulthood, simply because many of their parents will take this rubbish seriously.

Hundreds more ADDults will not be able to receive the help they need because their non-expert doctors will believe the popular press promoting this blather.

Politicians and government officials will read this prattle and ring in with personal, otherwise uninformed opinions that make it even MORE difficult for those of us who rely on medication to remain medicated.

Related Post: New Title Sells Books, Sells OUT Lives

And there you have it!

We have a job to do

As I see it, OUR challenge becomes handling the very real necessity for us to band together to rattle enough cages to bring the matter of brain-based research into the correlation between cognitive challenges and the workings of intentional attentional management into everybody’s conscious awareness. That includes significant research into brain-based links with stress, processing fluency, working memory, comorbidities, or anything else that is part of the problem.
(Leave me a link in the comments section below to anything YOU have written in support of this challenge and I will check it out, “like” and comment before copying it into the Related Content section for a bit more visibility).

We also need to raise an ARMY to make enough noise to out-shout the bozos with the Tinkerbell comments — you know, those people in the peanut gallery who seem to think that their personal opinions about whether the challenges of our collective disorders are “real” or not are more valid than research and personal experience.
[clap & Tink lives, don’t & she dies — Tinkerbell comments!)

© 2016, all rights reserved
Check bottom of Home/New to find out the “sharing rules”

Don’t forget to COME BACK for the conclusion of the three-part Loneliness article,
When You’re Longing for Connection
Catch up with Part 1 HERE (The Importance of Community to Health)
and Part 2 HERE (Sliding into Loneliness)

Let’s hear it from YOU

I invite you to dump YOUR Monday grumps and gripes
in the comment section below each of my own – related or NOT.

As long as you don’t make individual people wrong, and do your best to avoid the dreaded “should” word, I will approve all comers (link-spammers shot on sight, however).

As always, if you want notification of new articles in this Series – or any new posts on this blog – give your email address to the nice form on the top of the skinny column to the right. (You only have to do this once, so if you’ve already asked for notification about a prior series, you’re covered for this one too). STRICT No Spam Policy

IN ANY CASE, do stay tuned.
There’s a lot to know, a lot here already, and a lot more to come – in this Series and in others.
Get it here while it’s still free for the taking.

Want to work directly with me? If you’d like some coaching help with anything that came up while you were reading this Series (one-on-one couples or group), click HERE for Brain-based Coaching with mgh, with a contact form at its end (or click the E-me link on the menubar at the top of every page). Fill out the form, submit, and an email SOS is on its way to me; we’ll schedule a call to talk about what you need. I’ll get back to you ASAP (accent on the “P”ossible!)

You might also be interested in some of the following articles
available right now – on this site and elsewhere.

For links in context: run your cursor over the article above and the dark grey links will turn dark red;
(subtle, so they don’t pull focus while you read, but you can find them to click when you’re ready for them)
— and check out the links to other Related Content in each of the articles themselves —

Related articles right here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com
(in case you missed them above or below)

Other supports for this article – on ADDandSoMuchMore.com

A Few LinkLists by Category (to articles here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com)

Related Articles ’round the net

BY THE WAY: Since ADDandSoMuchMore.com is an Evergreen site, I revisit all my content periodically to update links — when you link back, like, follow or comment, you STAY on the page. When you do not, you run a high risk of getting replaced by a site with a more generous come-from.

About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

9 Responses to Tinkerbell Comments – scorn and disbelief

  1. Pingback: Climbing your Mountains YOUR way | ADD . . . and-so-much-more

  2. Pingback: The Wisdom of Compensating for Deficits | ADD . . . and-so-much-more

  3. janetkwest says:

    I recently listened to a podcast on The Axe-Files (CNN) interviewing Patrick Kennedy. He has been doing some heavy hitting to get the mental health issue to be seen as a medical problem and less shame and bringing it out into the open. He’s more along the PTSD and Alcoholism line, but I believe any legitimization is helpful.


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