Do you love THIS Raymond?


Everybody Loves Raymond

(from an upcoming book, The Impulsivity Rundown © – all rights reserved)

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
Part of The Challenges Inventory™ Series

It’s impossible to keep a straight face around Raymond – he can make anybody laugh! Where does he come up with all the craziness that comes out of his mouth?

The sky’s the limit for this guy — TONS of potential — they say he really should be a stand up comic or a talk show host. He’d make a million.

People would pay just to hear him laugh.  Really.  He is the essence of fun.

He’s smart, can DO practically anything, and has tried to do practically everything.  He is just the nicest guy you’d ever wanna’ meet.

He got so many responses to his profile on “Find Your Soul-mate” he barely had time to meet any of them because of the hours and hours he spent following up online. Most of the dates he did make started out badly when he was so darned LATE, but Ray was able to turn things around (that date, anyway).

Talk about selling snow to Eskimos — Ray wrote the book!  He seems to be able to talk anybody into ANYthing (as long as they don’t get to know him too well!)

Even his exes find it hard to find a bad thing to say about the guy.  Except that, Nobody could live with him.  He’d drive anybody crazy.”

That’s a real shame, too, because Raymond would really like to find his soul mate . . .  and his ideal job . . .  and a group of friends that isn’t always trying to change him in a million little ways (or help him get into hot water).

  • He has no idea how he keeps messing up one good relationship after another.
  • He’s always surprised when he finds out that his job is on the line . . . again.
  • He doesn’t understand why his friends and family are so angry;
    he said he was sorry. And he really IS, every single time
    even when he doesn’t really understand exactly what he DID.

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What’s up with Raymond?

He really doesn’t mean to mess things up and drive people crazy – he simply doesn’t seem to know how to STOP himself. A thought or an idea enters his head, and the next thing he knows he’s done or said something that seems to turn the whole world sour.

No brakes — with only an amazing sense of humor as a defense. It masks an almost pervasive sense of despair, however.  Without an audience, he can barely activate at all.  But once he does, he knows it’s just a matter of time before he’s back in the soup again.

And I’ll just bet that many of you reading can relate.  You either KNOW a Raymond or you ARE a Raymond.

The Heartbreak of the Undiagnosed

It IS hard to believe why we do some of the dumb things we do, even AFTER we understand what’s really going on with us.

It’s practically impossible to understand ourselves and our behavior BEFORE we understand what’s really going on with us.

  • Until we understand what’s really going on, life plays out like a sad scene in the movie Groundhog Day – over and over and over again.
  • We can’t change the picture until we understand what we need to change.
  • And that starts with diagnosis and treatment.

What IS going on with Raymond?

click image for source

click image for source

Ray seems to have a problem with Executive Functioning, mediated by a particular part of the Pre-Frontal Cortex.

Our Executive Functions are our higher-order cognitive behaviors — like planning, organizing, stopping to consider the wisest course of action, paying attention to and remembering details, and managing life within the limits of time and space.

Raymond’s PFC is like a racecar with a driver nodding off at the wheel.

In Ray’s case, EF problems seem pervasive (click the links below to read more about any of them that trouble you as well — dark grey, remember).

Raymond doesn’t understand that there’s a problem, however.

It’s hard to adjust anything you don’t comprehend

Even though he often wonders if other people understand some concept or other that is simply beyond him, Ray doesn’t want to look too closely at the idea that there might be something different about him – beyond his behavior, that it.

He’s worried that “different” might mean “defective.”

He pooh-poohs any suggestion of “ADD” or anything like it, indoctrinated by the sound-bite chasing media. Fear-mongering sells, even as it shuts down lives.

Making matters worse, there are even doctors who might as well be getting their continuing education from the popular press.  They write ridiculous books that say ridiculous things opinions of ignorance presented as professional expertise. 

Even the professionals who put together the latest Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), cloud the issues as they seem to be more interested in becoming politically popular than relevant and useful.

Meanwhile, Ray’s life is in shambles. Is yours?

Don’t be like Raymond.  Find a good doctor and CHECK IT OUT!  There are still a great many well-informed professionals to be found. I left a link to one of the best in the Related Content below.

Interested in YOUR experiences

If you have a story to share about your own life since diagnosis (of any of the Alphabet Disorders), share it with ALL of us in the comment section below.

Let’s get a dialogue going!

“It takes a village to transform a world!”

 

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IN ANY CASE, do stay tuned.
There’s a lot to know, a lot here already, and a lot more to come – in this Series and in others.
Get it here while it’s still free for the taking.

Want to work directly with me? If you’d like some coaching help with anything that came up while you were reading this Series (one-on-one couples or group), click HERE for Brain-based Coaching with mgh, with a contact form at its end (or click the E-me link on the menubar at the top of every page). Fill out the form, submit, and an email SOS is on its way to me; we’ll schedule a call to talk about what you need. I’ll get back to you ASAP (accent on the “P”ossible!)
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About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

5 Responses to Do you love THIS Raymond?

  1. Pingback: Downloadable ADD-ADHD/EFD Coachablity Index™ | ADD . . . and-so-much-more

  2. Pam Augspurger says:

    Raymond and I were apparently separated at birth…

    And my other alphabet disorder has me posting at almost 3 am EST. Sigh…..

    Again, thank you for what you do (or perhaps don’t do, like try to mold me into something not me!)
    Pam

    Like

    • That IS the problem, isn’t it? We want our lives to be more functional, but we don’t want others to waste our time and drive us nuts by insisting that, if we ever want a life worth living, we need to do something we’ve ALREADY tried and rejected because, for US, it simply doesn’t work.

      I get it slung my way too – and it is sooooooooo tiresome.

      Ya’ know, I think Ray did mention that he had a twin somewhere ::grin::
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

      • Pam Augspurger says:

        Interestingly, I was literally just having this discussion with my husband as he was stressing over too many stadium cups stacked in our kitchen cabinet. He was telling me living in chaos leads to stress. I told him that’s relative. I then told him about an editorial piece in the back of a magazine (one he had bought) that I had read a few months ago. The writer was talking of how he changed his ways from organized chaos to just organized. Guess what? He was more stressed doing things against the way his mind worked. He went back to what was natural for him. (Just as I am, my husband is a work in progress of the other extreme! I’m trying to open his eyes to the fact that things aren’t black and white.)

        My desk at my shop is organized chaos. My work desks have always been that way. Stacks. But I know what is in each stack. I go through moods of cleanup and reorganization and it all ends up looking the same in a matter of hours. It’s a system that works for me. Key words: works for me. The ironic thing is I’m anally organized when it comes to other things. I’m a living paradox.

        I feel like I’m on a mission to teach the world, including those who profess to be experts in self-help (present company excluded!), there is not necessarily a right and wrong way of doing things. If I do this this way, then my life would be better. In my eyes, there’s my way and your way. They are both right. My way works for me. Your way works for you. I’m not saying there isn’t room for improvement. However, I have spent too much of my 52 years worrying about not fitting a mold as perceived by others. What you see is what you get. Let’s play off of strengths and quit the beat down on perceived weaknesses.

        My masters committee chair had a sign hanging in his office that I will always remember…”A clean desk is the sign of a sick mind.” No wonder we got along so well!

        Thank you again for an outlet. This is my safe place where I’m understood.

        Have a great weekend!
        Pam

        Like

        • Sad commentary on the state of humanity, isn’t it, that there are so FEW “safe place[s] where [we feel] understood” — especially for those of us who are neurodiverse.

          I’m glad I’m considered one of them, even as I am sad that there are SO few that I am acknowledged as an exception to the rule.

          Will we be dead and gone before the rest of the world gets a clue or steps into kindness anyway? I hope not, but my former optimism has lost its shine as I head toward what are supposed to be my “golden years.”

          Thanks so much for ringing in here, Pam. It makes ME feel less alone.
          xx,
          mgh

          Like

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