Emotional Manipulation


MonGrumpHeadStop trying to make me worry about you
because you worry about me

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Fair Warning: HIGHLY unusual spate of make-wrong ahead!  I’m sure I will be speaking FOR the many of you who don’t need to be spoken TO.

PLEASE don’t shut me down emotionally, ok?

source: click image

source: click image

In case you believe I am talking directly to YOU, there is no need to get defensive.

I’m probably not, but a bit of what it feels like on the other side of emotional manipulation never hurt anybody.

No apologies necessary, except on my part for being so grumpy about it all this particular Monday. 

As regular readers have already figured out, I’ve had connectivity problems since my relatively recent move of home and office. I’ve experienced ongoing cellphone agita all year.  I’ll spare you the minutia but the bottom line is that, for most of this year, whether I could make or receive a phone call has been a crap-shoot.  I’m working on my fifth phone since Christmas.

This month alone I’ve been SERIOUSLY over-exposed to “It’s not only frustrating when I can’t get in touch with you, I’m sick with worry!”

I truly need to let some pressure out of my cooker.  I’m also hoping that attempts at emotional blackmail will lessen in all of our lives as a result of bringing its effect to consciousness.

So here goes – deep breath. 

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar for a reminder
of how links work on this site, they’re subtle (scroll UP for it) ==>

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Getting to “Good ENOUGH”


Discovering YOUR Perfect Balance

©Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
From the Activation Series

click image for source

click image for source

Lowering your standards

“Don’t think of ‘good enough’ as settling for something inferior or imperfect, think of it as striking a perfect balance.”  ~ Dylan Reeve

In the previous article, The Virtues of Lowering your Standards, I refuted the idea that any “job worth doing” was worth doing WELL.

As I said, “It’s always seemed to me that if the job’s worth doing at all, any forward progress is good forward progress.

I also made the point that any shade of completion beats chronic indecision andprocrastination– hands down!

While both of the above are certainly true, I also wanted to encourage you to embrace good enough for the tactical advantages that a more BALANCED approach to life offers – along with positive results for your struggles with activation.

In an interview from the blog good experience, the author of “The Paradox of Choice” insists that only on rare occasions is it worth struggling to find the best — that it makes life simpler if you settle with good enough.

“You don’t have to make an exhaustive search – just until you find something that meets your standards, which could be high.

But the only way to find the absolute best is to look at
ALL the possibilities.

And in that case you’ll either give up, or if you choose one, you’ll be nagged by the possibility that you may have found something better.” ~ author Barry Schwartz – Paradox of Choice
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Back Scratching-101: How to get support for YOUR objectives


MonGrumpHeadBeing in Community
means Supporting BACK

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

click image for source

A DAILY grump initiator . . .

that I must work with myself daily to find a way to
rise above to continue to do what I do here.

It’s more difficult to rise on Mondays.

It seems to me that many of my readers don’t understand how the blogging environment WORKS — because I simply refuse to believe that most of my readers are selfish (even on Monday Grumpy Monday).

I’m talking about common courtesy practices, not complex SEO tactics, by the way – extending toward someone who has extended toward you – which means:

  • Saying thank you in some fashion ON the blog of the person who liked or followed you.
  • Saying thank you in some fashion for information that helps you be more successful in your life (especially in your own coaching practice), whether or not you author a blog designed to do more than pay your own bills — ON the blog of the person who shared with you for free
    (Google can’t count email and phone calls, by the way – NICE, but decidedly unhelpful for getting the word out.)

I DO understand the time issue

I’ll be the first to admit that, after spending three to six non-billable hours every single day sharing what I have learned in the past twenty-five years (with the goal of helping those of you who can’t afford private coaching or ongoing coach training), I don’t always have a lot of time left in my day to run my life and make a living.

  • As a result, I don’t have the time in my day to visit, like and comment on the blogs of ALL of my followers and those who have left comments here.
  • Like everyone else, I must spend time paying my bills with at least SOME of what I do with my time (unless one of you would like to handle that little detail for me.)
  • But I do try to make time to visit those who comment, like and follow article by article.

I also spend a substantial time seeking links to blogs that have information adding content or context — through continuously curated links in my Related Content section (at the bottom of almost every post on ADDandSoMuchMore.com).

To give you easier ways to locate articles you want to read on ADDandSoMuchMore.com, my LinkLists already make the GoogleBot a bit grumpy with me.  However, EVERY time I scratch a back that doesn’t return the favor amounts to Google promoting THEIR content at the expense of my own.

WHICH MEANS THAT increasingly fewer people are likely to benefit from what I do here, since fewer and fewer people are likely to see anything that isn’t listed early in the search results.

Since I don’t charge for content and support the site alone, I have no budget for a marketing staff and no time to wear one more hat. I have been counting on readers who benefit from what I do to help me spread the word.

Do you realize that every single time I link and the person does NOT link back, like or comment here, I fall further down in Google’s rating algorhythms?

Are you aware that Google counts comments, reblogs, links and likes to help counter inbound/outbound link imbalances?

Don’t those of you who also blog understand that leaving a comment here increases the number of inbound links to YOUR blog or website, as well as helping me promote this free resource?

Don’t forget that you can always check out the sidebar for a reminder
of how links work on this site, they’re subtle (scroll UP for it) ==>

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The Virtues of Lowering your Standards


 When “Good enough” is Good ENOUGH!

©Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

Let’s delve deeper into a couple of foundational problems,
particularly for those of us with Executive Functioning dysregulations:

* struggles with activation, and
* the perils of falling victim to black and white thinking.

Hand in hand, each exacerbates the other,
until it’s truly a miracle we ever get anything done at all!

To the neurodiverse AND the neurotypical

On a very different kind of blog, post-production supervisor and self-professed Edit Geek shared his thoughts on the very topic I planned to write about today (the image above is his). He began and ended his relatively brief article with a wonderful synopsis of exactly what I am about to tackle in this article.

In Defense Of ‘Good Enough’

For many people . . . ‘good enough’ is a dirty word. It suggests a lack of care or investment. I think good enough [needs to be] be embraced.

Knowing what is good enough for the work you’re doing allows you to invest [your resources] in the places that will benefit the most.”

The last line of his article is perfect:

“Don’t think of ‘good enough’ as settling for something inferior or imperfect, think of it as striking a perfect balance.”  ~ Dylan Reeve

NOW, let me fill in the middle

. . . from a slightly different vantage point, for a different life-application, speaking to a completely different “audience.”

Chinese finger-trapA Chinese Finger Trap

EVEN THOUGH doing the very BEST one can may seem laudable to a great many productivity gurus, that desire often creates time management problems for practically everyone, and frequently leads to rumination and inaction for many of us.

While the neurodiverse among us are noodling the very best way to tackle something, we’re generally doing nothing much at all otherwise — nothing much that will keep our lives from falling apart, that is — nevermind much of anything that will move us forward.

In an unconscious attempt to calm our rising task anxiety we tend to seek out what I call “avoidance activities” – internet browsing, FaceBook updating, LinkedIn discussing, friending, tweeting, texting, twiddling.  Puttering.

The harder we try to free ourselves from lack-of-activation, the tighter we’re stuck in rumination and awfulizing.

Any shade of completion beats chronic indecision and “procrastination” – hands down!

 

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Monday Grumpy Monday


Monday Grumpy Monday Series headerI don’t wake up this way
but it rarely takes long before something sets me off

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

click image for source

click image for source

Rants and Ruminations

Maybe it’s something they do to the drinking water at the beginning of each week but, looking “backstage” at the articles in the category above, almost all of them were begun on a Monday. 

I seemed to need a place to vent – and you REALLY wouldn’t want to see those first drafts!!

Although I’ve written about it only a few times, the [non] workings of technology seems to activate my grumpy faster than almost anything else. Not only does the blaze build to a hotter fire, it seems to have been assembled with flash paper.

Ka-BOOM!

I almost always have the willingness to attempt to remain accepting and patient with people, especially one on one, but gol-dangit  [replace term with your favorite expletive] I firmly believe that THINGS need to be designed to work!

Ditto, anything on the internet, where my definition of “working” expands.

As much as I appreciate the WordPress.com blogging platform overall, on Mondays I could easily shoot the “geniuses” who believe that periodically and suddenly changing the user interface is a GOOD idea – and that all of their “good ideas” are improvements.

Intermediate messages like their current “beep-beep-boop” do NOT pass for humor in my universe either — especially since testing before launch seems to be a thing of the past, and developers no longer USE the platforms they design (or they’d know better!)

GRRRRRR . . .

Spammers always make me crazy, of course – but not nearly as crazy as the procedures designed to avoid them.

Odd, isn’t it, that at the same time they force me to decifer squiggles and re-input new passwords to “protect” THEMSELVES from spam, they make sure that my information is captured so that they can inundate me with marketing (regardless of the fact that I consider it spam-squared!)

On Mondays I can’t seem to stop myself from ruminating over why they don’t understand that there is more to our lives than their capitalist imperatives – or perhaps they simply don’t CARE that they are being annoyingly narcissistic?

Herd mentality also gets my dander up – but it seems more likely to flake off into the universe on a Monday.  Why IS that?

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September 11 Thoughts and Links


STILL Healing the Divided Mind

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
Part of the What Kind of World do YOU Want? series
[link to videos by Deepak Chopra below]

September 11 will never again be an ordinary day.

click image for source

click image for source – scroll to bottom for NEW view

No longer living in Manhattan, I have developed my own “honoring” ceremony that involves searching the ‘net for articles on the topic and taking the time to read them.

I have learned to expect the posts telling their stories, expressing gratitude that their loved ones had been spared.

I have grown used to seeing the many expressions of empathy and love for those who were not so blessed – and I join them in saying a prayer for those whose loved-ones disappeared in so violent a manner.

I always expect to see expressions of unhealed pain, loss and grief – which I found again – and I pray for them too.

I also expect more than a few expressions of hot and still too fresh anger – which I also found.  I pray they will find peace.

I will always be unprepared for
expressions of revenge and retribution.

ALL of us who are able simply must continue to put energy into healing this wound that is gaping still – in America and in other countries affected by retribution-inspired violence.

We will NEVER forget, but the only way inject meaning into this senseless act of violence (and those that came before and those that followed), is to come to a place where we can experience our feelings without BEING our feelings: taking a STAND for Peace, and sourcing our actions from that stand.

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Supercharge To-Do List Functionality


Gettin’ UP and Gettin’ Going – Part IV

The last two of my TEN “Practices” that beat back
ACTIVATION struggles

©Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

click image for source

click image for source

The Trouble with Lists

How many lists have YOU made in your lifetime?

If you’re like many of us, the answer would probably be in the hundreds: grocery lists, Christmas lists, packing lists, clothing lists, book lists, homework lists – and a bazillion more, I’m sure.

There are as many different kinds of lists as there are reasons for list-making.

Expanding on the concept of Tip #3 – Write it down, write it down, write it down – this last part of Top Ten Tips to Combat “Laziness” is going to concentrate on the dreaded to-do list – and how to make it work better for you.

Let’s begin with four questions.  Take a moment to think about them.  We’ll handle them at the end of this article — after a couple more foundational concepts.

1. Why did you make a to-do list in the first place?
(If you answered with any version of “To get things done,” keep reading.)

By the way, did many of your to-do lists actually do what you wanted them to in that regard?

2. Did you accomplish every single item on most of your to-do lists?
(If you answered with any version of “Are you kidding?!” keep reading – we’ll handle this concept at the end of the article.)

3. Where are those lists now?
(If you answered “Somewhere” or “Who knows?!” keep reading.  You may find some new explanations for keeping your lists in a datebook or paper-based calendar.)

4. Do you begin or end almost every day by making or checking your to-list?
(No matter what you answered to this one, keep reading)

BUT FIRST lets do a quick review of the first eight tips before we go on to number nine.

In the first three sections of this article we covered the following eight of my Top Ten Tips to Combat “Laziness:”

1. Medication can help, but not by itself
2. Avoid shoulds and should-ers – and know why you must
3. Write it down, write it down, write it down
4. Distinguish Task Anxiety and begin there
5. Feed your head
6. Go like Glenda
7. Stay off the Slide
8. Best breathing for best focus

If you haven’t read part one, read it HERE.
Read part two HERE and
part three HERE

NOW we’re going to take a look at #9 and #10:

9.  Cross it off, cross it off, cross it off

10. RATE IT – both before and after

If on-screen reading is frustrating for you, even with the article broken into parts,
try taking it ONE Practice at a time.

Okay – lets get right back to it!

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A little help from our friends can make a MIRACLE happen


Pay it Forward

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
Part of the What Kind of World do YOU Want? series

Every single one of you can share and forward. Please DO that – for me – in appreciation for what I continue to do for all of you.

THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart

UPDATE: Go to bottom of article for photo of Andy’s new smile – thanks to ALL who helped by contributing OR forwarding.

1 minute video – click image

My very own
“Make a Wish”
campaign

There but for the
Grace of God

Go you and I

My Friend Andy needs a miracle

My request to anyone who has ever benefited from ANYTHING I have ever done is that you become a part of Andy’s miracle in any way you can.

His one-minute video explains what he needs far better than I ever could. The brief text below it adds information and context.

Please click his image – OR one of the links below – and donate just one little minute to listening to his message in his own words — then forward it (and/or reblog my plea). 

The greater the number of people who see his message, the greater the likelihood of ALL of us being part of a true miracle – saving the life of a man who will help save the lives of others.

Please, help me make it go viral.

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Headlines I Want to See in the Upcoming Year


Dream Headlines
What Kind of World do YOU Want?

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

The Upside of the Downside

MediaTreeGotta’ love the media – ONE report of a groundbreaking study and they go wild with their own interpretations — targeted to each of their particular viewers, readers, and branding.

Association blogs and websites join in from a myriad of vantage points, with the individual bloggers in hot pursuit of the same story right behind them.

Social Networks go crazy. We see related posts on Facebook, discussions on LinkedIn, tweets, YouTube videos, TED talks – the entire internet seems abuzz with the news.

Advertisers on the cutting edge target their commercials to catch the wave of increased publicity.  Product development teams are employed to increase sales by tweaking existing products and developing new ones.

MEANWHILE, new funding is approved for new studies to build on the original, further feeding the frenzy as new results are leaked and published.

ULTIMATELY, politicians get into the act as the result of public outcry; caucuses convene to draft new laws based on findings from the original research (that few probably ever read and fewer still understand).

What if it went something like THIS . . .

  • Scientists discover neural-mechanism behind turf building and cognitive competition – possible link to empathy deficiency
  • Collaboration blows competition out of water — recent research
  • Blind Men meet to combine Elephant reportage – New Picture Emerging

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Lead us Not into Temptation


Gettin’ UP and Gettin’ Going – Part III

Two more of my TEN “Practices” that beat back
ACTIVATION struggles

©Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

click images for source

click images for sources

FREE CHEESE!
always available
in mousetraps.

We humans are a funny lot.  We’ll do practically anything to run away from the feeling of task anxiety — except the task itself, of course.

There are always consequences.

The following portion of this article will increase your task anxiety awareness as it illuminates what you need to pay attention to whenever you note that task anxiety is a significant contributor to your lack-of-activation struggles.

But lets do a quick review of the first six tips before we go on to number seven.

In Parts 1 and 2 of this article we covered the following six of my Top Ten Tips to Combat “Laziness:”

1. Medication can help, but not by itself
2. Avoid shoulds and should-ers – and know why you must
3. Write it down, write it down, write it down
4. Distinguish Task Anxiety and begin there
5. Feed your head
6. Go like Glenda

If you haven’t read part one, read it HERE.
Read part two HERE

NOW we’re going to take a look at #7 and #8:

7. Stay off the Slide
8. Best breathing for best focus

Before we conclude with:
* Cross it off, cross it off, cross it off
* RATE IT – both before and after

If on-screen reading is frustrating for you, even with the article broken into parts,
try taking it ONE Practice at a time.

Okay – lets get right back to it!

Read more of this post

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