BraveHeart Award!


BraveHeartBadge

Another Cool Blogging Award!!

© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

The Brave Heart Award – an award for Survivors

I am honored to have been nominated by former award-winner Louise Collins, who is a truly brave and amazingly forthcoming survivor of so many different events and conditions in her young life that it boggles the mind.

Like many of us, she blogs to help others feel less alone, to process her feelings about what she is living through, and to make sense of the emotional (and functional) effects that she continues to experience.

Please have a look at ABOUT ME on IllicitbyNature for her own own description of who she is and what she is attempting to process.  Her words are inspiring and will be helpful to many of you, especially those struggling with depression or PTSD. (be sure to remember to “like” or comment, so she’ll know you were there)

Her homepage can be found by clicking http://www.http://illicitbynature.com/ which will open in a new tab (or window, depending on the settings on YOUR web-browser)

Conditions of Acceptance

To accept the award, I had to complete a number of tasks, beginning with those immediately below (more info further down):

    1. Thank the person who nominated me.
    2. Answer a list of twelve questions – which you will be able to read below, along with my answers
    3. Pass the acknowledgment on by nominating twelve additional blogs, none of whom have been nominated before.
    4. Notify my nominees that I have nominated them and share their names with links to their blogs on my blog
      (my list of nominees is further down – keep scrolling – along with the instructions needed to be able to accept the nomination)
    5. Include the Quote below with the notification of nomination

which I formatted to be ADD-friendly – shorter paragraphs and slightly adapted — to be able to nominate those dealing primarily with the chronic abuse that comes as a result of being diagnosed with one of the Alphabet Disorders – ADD, TBI, OCD, PDD, PDA etc.- abuse that results from the actions and comments from the many who simply don’t understand.

The original version contained the word “abuse” alone, which has a more specific meaning to those who have been physically or sexually abused – or to those diagnosed with PTSD. (copied further down without modification)

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Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

I call you a survivor, because that is what you are. There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are losing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong.

I want you to know that any abuse you experience as a result of your diagnosis is not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse.

In your life, you have faced many demons, but look around you and you will see there is hope and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope.

You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.

Each step you take you are not alone. Stand Strong.

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Remember – links on this site are dark grey to reduce distraction potential
while you’re reading. They turn red on mouseover.
Hover before clicking for a box with more info

My Answers to the 12 Questions

1. Tell us a little bit about your blog. Who designed it?

I designed my own blog because I wanted it to be “ADD-friendly” — which means NOT congruent with current blog-design theory, so I could find no theme already designed appropriately for the readers I intended to serve. 

I customized the Enterprise Theme, which was the closest I found, using the paid upgrade to the free WordPress.com blogging platform, and purchased the domain “ADDandSoMuchMore.com so that “/wordpress” would not be appended (and so I could host it elsewhere, should I choose).

“ADD-friendly” means that is designed for the attentionally challenged
(a MUCH bigger crowd that those with ADD, by the way – thus the name of the blog).

I wanted ADDandSoMuchMore to be a “quiet” site so that fewer items pull attention from where my readers are attempting to focus, along with a reduced risk of activating what is usually a hair-trigger startle response (i.e., no loud colors, nothing blinks, chats or moves on its own, NO pop-ups — MY readers need to be able to control their own interface experience, without having to fool with browser settings)

Even the links don’t jump out at you, so attentionally-challenged readers are not distracted from their own thoughts about whatever they are reading (or click impulsively and “forget” to come back and finish reading what they began)

Links are an extremely subtle shade of grey that, on most screens, only stand out from the surrounding text if you look closely — but if you run your cursor over the page, links will turn red (with an underline)

btw – To make it easier to read something related AFTER you’re done with the article it’s related TO, I also take the time to repeat the links at the bottom of each post as “Related Content” (with a reminder of why I do links “the ADD way”)

I’ve underlined SOME of the links in this particular document, simply because I am too lazy (and busy!) to explain everything in answer to these questions and I want to make sure you can find them. 🙂

2. What is the title and description of your blog?

ADDandSoMuchMore.com – which speaks to my intention for the blog and the readership I wanted to attract and support.

I guess I would describe it as a brain-based, free and comprehensive resource for anyone who wants to understand and work around ongoing struggles with attentional regulation or any of the brain’s Executive Functions — not fully under the control of the person with the problem for legitimate, brain-based reasons. (LINK  to full description/explanation)

3. Who is your intended audience?
  • I also support those struggling with any of the ADD Comorbid disorders (depression, anxiety, OCD, ODD, PDD, sleep disorders, etc. — and a whole lot more!) along with those who have what I refer to as “acquired ADD” (the result of diabetes, TBI or stroke, age-related cognitive decline, etc)

4. How did you come up with the title?

Like Louise, I have to say it took a while!  I finally decided that, even though the domain name is long and a little awkward, ADDandSoMuchMore simply said what I needed to say.

I was looking for a way to continue to share the results of 20 years of non-stop reading and research to help me deal with my OWN cognitive struggle while ADDCoach.com was being redesigned & updated
(one of the first ADD resources on the web, over 20 years ago now, it was SERIOUSLY old and had grown so large and complex over the years it had become unweieldy and desperately needed to be redone from the ground up — it’s still down for the count as I write this!)

My ORIGINAL site was developed (manually – in html!) to support my training efforts as I built what was to become the ADD Coaching field.

Now that ADD Coaching is firmly established and ADD is being supported by so MANY others, I am finally free to expand and deepen my scope — but I didn’t want my ADDers to feel like I had abandoned them.

5. Give us an interesting fun fact about your blog.

Hmm… interesting fun fact, let me see…

I guess I have a macabre definition of both those words, but I would have to say that I never expected it to take SO much time out of my life, especially given the fact that it is all unbillable time — and that the large majority of that time is spent getting the content ON the site, not creating it to begin with!

WRITING the content is the quick and easy part!  Formatting it so my readers can stay tracked to actually be able to read it takes 3/4 of the time it takes to post EACH article (6 hours minimum for every darned one of them, counting creation time).

Because ADD-friendly formatting is so specific – to improve focus for the reading-challenged, or nobody would ever actually read the darned stuff – I spend HOURS html coding to make it look like I need it to look.

I went with a template-driven format to begin with, hoping to TOTALLY AVOID html coding by taking advantage of custom CSS. Either I REALLY don’t know what I’m doing or WordPress.com won’t allow what I’m trying to do and over-writes it.

The “interesting and fun” part is how driven I am to do it anyway.

6. What other blogs do you own and what makes them alike?

ADDCoach.com – down for the count pending redesign – what’s there currently is not even what I designed originally (long sad story re: “failure to communicate” situation with a couple of consultants who are no longer working on the site!)

The info on this 20-year old resource will eventually be back in its NEW and vastly improved form (God willing and the crik don’t continue to rise!)

7. Do you have any unique talents or hobbies?

I guess it depends on what you consider “unique” — and what qualifies as “a talent” — I do have quite a few “abilities” but I’m not sure how unique they are.

My first degree was in theatre, and my first career was in show-biz so I dance, sing, and emote with the best of them (actor/director/acting coach for several decades).  I still want to be able to direct off-stage life — and miss people simply doing what I say like they used to!

My next career was as a management information systems consultant — which forced me to teach myself computer programming (with skills and software that are now sadly obsolete!)

Two of my most “unique” clients were the now defunct CPA firm Arthur Anderson, and a colleague/consultant who designed and coded the proprietary database that the head coach of the NY Knicks uses to strategize and win (I wrote the “users manual” — all still top secret to this day.  If I told you I‘d have to kill you !!)

I taught myself “Croaky the Crow” (don’t ask!) on the [actually valuable] vintage Hohner accordion I bought myself used when I was still I kid (because I knew neither my parents nor I would never be able to pop for the piano & lessons I REALLY wanted).

I moved that albatross around the country for YEARS before I finally had to admit that learning to actually play the darned thing was never going to happen – NOR was I ever going to get it together to sell it!

I eventually gifted it to a talented musician/pastor who already played both the piano and the accordion and lusted after this particular Hohner but didn’t think he could afford to buy one.

I would imagine the MOST unique thing about me is my chronorhythm disorder. Not only am I what they call “an extreme owl,” I can sleep through ANYTHING — I sleep SO deeply I don’t wake to even the loudest sounds!

8. How can we contact you?

UNforunately, thanks to the blasted spammers, I can’t post my contacts on the blog.  But you can contact me by clicking here or HERE  – and I will return my contacts by email. 

Be SURE to click one of the boxes on the form that results when you click — they drive specific words in the subject of your email that I can search for — or I’ll never find it among the hundreds I get everyday

(WELL over half from spammers – MANY of whom would argue that their spam is “merely internet marketing that would be of interest, and I can always unsubscribe!”  It is completely overwhelming regardless, and makes it hard to work efficiently because it takes forever to find ANYTHING in the eglut!!)

9. What can we expect from you in the future?

TeleClasses, Podcasts, books, eBooks, live seminars — and if I have my way — a one-woman show I’ve been trying for what seems like centuries to find time to finish, mount and take on tour: Passing for [almost] Normal

10. What can readers who enjoy your blog do to help make your blog more successful?

Help me get the word out that it exists. 

Since I don’t charge for my content — and spend the hours I might otherwise spend creating cash on my no-charge blogging efforts — I don’t have either time or cash enough in my budget to market it effectively.  As a result, my readership build has been frustratingly slow — “drive by” only.

I REALLY need help there. If everyone I link TO would link BACK that would make a huge difference, but *very* few do (probably because most of them have ADD and get distracted — but it still hurts the site in the search engine rankings)

  • Likes, comments, links and follows will help me rise in the search engines
  • Reblogs, shares and links help extend my reach into new communities.

I return favors extended, btw – I’m big on mutual back-scratching!

ALSO if anybody understands the ins-and-outs of CSS who could take a look at mine and fix it so that I can simply write because the formatting is fairly “automatic”/no need to code, it would free up a TON of time I could spend writing more content (or marketing BOTH of our sites 🙂 ).

I have a teensy budget for similar help with ADDCoach.com, btw, (a self-hosted WordPress site) but can’t afford to hire another consultant at this time — at least NOT at full-fee. In return, I promise to help with YOUR marketing efforts – and give you a marketing page on the site itself.

11. Any tips for readers or advice for other writers/bloggers?

TRUST the value of your voice and don’t stop sharing.

You have no IDEA who needs the help they will receive from your words — and how far your kindness will spread.  We’re talking LEGACY here.

ALSO – whenever you get a minute, drop a comment on an article from someone else’s blog to expand your community and make new virtual friends – and make SURE you remember to “like” it when you do.

By the same token, do your very best to make it a priority to respond to the comments left for you.

12. Before you go, could you share a snippet from your blog?

With pleasure! Here is a link to the introductory post of a new Series on Habits, Decisions and Attention I had JUST introduced when notification of the wonderful nomination came in.

You will also find links to everything I mentioned above in the Related Contents further below.

————————————————————————————————–

MY NOMINEES
(click names – linked to their sites)

Links will go “live” (clickable) when I receive their RSVP (a “thanks for nomination” comment below — my signal that they intend to do what it takes to accept it). Otherwise, I will replace them and nominate one of the MANY others who also deserve nomination.

  1. Jane & Mollie Sherwin (PDA advocates — Mollie is 10!) – RSVP’d
  2. busydarling (ADHD, anorexia, depression) – RSVP’d
  3. Wendy Holcombe  (Meniere’s, Intracranial Hypertension, gluten intolerance & more) done!
  4. Edie Flickenger (TBI advocate) – currently experiencing — TECH PROBLEMS <==link.
  5. BrokenBrilliant (TBI advocate)
  6. philippinewanderer (TBI, depression)
  7. delayed2sleep (Chronorhythm Sleep Disorders advocate – DSPS/N-24 )
  8. Dr Andrew Kinsella (Mind/Body advocate – ADD, depression, Atlas Subluxation)
  9. Susan Lasky (ADD – co-founder of NY Metro CHADD)
  10. Linda Roggli (ADD Coach & author of ADDiva)
  11. Sari Solden (ADD advocate, therapist & author of books for women with ADD)
  12. Bryan Hutchinson (ADD advocate & prolific writer/author – ADDerWorld)

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Conditions for accepting the BraveHeart Award

1. Thank the person whom nominated you.

2. Post a comment on your nominees blog (with a link back to your Brave Heart Award Results), notifying them that they have been nominated for The Brave Heart Award with the Quote you will find above — or, in its original form, below the list of 12 questions below.

3. Take the 12 question interview yourself and share your answers on your blog.\

4. Nominate 12 blogs.

5. Share the 12 question interview with your nominees to answer.

6. Share your 12 nominees website/blog links on your blog page.

7. You can not nominate a blog if they have already received the Brave Heart Award.

12 Questions To be Answered on your  blog:

1.Tell us a little bit about your blog. Who designed it?

2. What is the title and description of your blog?

3. Who is your intended audience?

4. How did you come up with the title of your blog?

5. Give us an interesting fun fact about your blog.

6. What other blogs do you own and what makes them alike?

7. Do you have any unique talents or hobbies?

8. How can we contact you or find out more about your blog?

9. What can we expect from you in the future?

10. What can readers who enjoy your blog do to help make your blog more successful?

11. Do you have any tips for readers or advice for other writers/bloggers?

12. Before you go, could you share a snippet from your blog?

Standard Abuse text below — please use my adapted one above for ADD (etc) nominations

Stand Strong You Are Not Alone

I call you a survivor, because that is what you are. There are days when you don’t feel like a survivor and there are days when the memories trigger your past and it feels like you are losing the fight – but you are not. Take the past and heal with it. You are strong. I want you to know that the abuse was not your fault. It does not matter what age it happened. You did not deserve it, you did not cause it, and you did not bring it on yourself. You own no shame, guilt, or remorse. In your life, you have faced many demons but look around you and you will see there is hope, and there is beauty. You are beautiful, You are loved, there is hope. You deserve to be loved and treated with respect. You deserve peace and joy in your life. Don’t settle for anything less than that. God has plans for you. Your future does not have to be dictated by your past.

Each step you take you are not alone. Stand Strong.

 

About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

15 Responses to BraveHeart Award!

  1. I am happy to accept the nomination .. I am looking forward to kicking off my heels and digging into this . A big thumbs up to you and your site .. good stuff . 🙂

    Like

    • Can’t wait to read your answers — LOVE these questions! (and your blog, btw) You are a hoot! xx, mgh

      PS – be SURE to come back and leave a link to your acceptance post — I’ll move it up into the related content, ’cause not everyone reads the comments, and at least you get a little SEO boost for a link! (only ONE live link per comment or you’ll be autospammed and I’ll never see it, btw)

      Like

  2. Mary Londe says:

    Congratulations!! You deserve any and all recognition you receive. I enjoyed reading your responses to the questions. I’ve always enjoyed the limited times I’ve had the opportunity to actually sit down and read your postings. I especially enjoy your style of writing.

    As one who reads your blog but doesn’t always ‘like’ it, I am actually tech ignorant about some of that kind of stuff, but have an acquaintance that enlightened me on that subject. I PROMISE to try to remember to do so from now on!!

    I also PROMISE to remind my ADHD friends and family, and my coworkers (ADHD and otherwise) about your blog. Though I have done so before, well, you know us ADHD people! I honestly DO find an extremely large amount of research information, great, practical living tips, and honest emotions from a fellow ADHDer. I haven’t come across anything yet that hasn’t been helpful! Thank you!!!

    And, as a side note, it may not be helpful, but I asked a techie friend of mine about the format thing, and his suggestion was to look into the program Dreamweaver. Now, being the techie ignorant person I am, I have no idea if you already have or any of the details, but, well, that’s my attempt at trying to help.

    Keep up the good work…and I would LOVE to see your one-woman tour, “Passing for [almost] Normal.”

    Best Wishes,

    Mary Londe

    Like

    • WOW, Mary – I could write a blog-length POST reply to your wonderful comment. THANK YOU.

      I’ll try to be as brief as I, personally, can manage in my wake-up window. I know, it’s afternoon & late to be just awakening, but as everyone who has read Jetlagged for Life knows, I suffer from a bodacious sleep disorder where I am usually “off-phase” with the rest of the known universe. (Title is a link, btw).

      #1 – I’m thrilled you read the entire post – especially the answers to my questions. I wondered if anyone would make it thru 🙂

      My “Normal” tour may end up being the geriatrics version if things continue as they have – just one darned thing after another! But it IS something near and dear to my heart that I’ve wanted to do for many years.

      Writing, rehearsing & producing a show IS it’s own full-time project, however — and I have only been able to work on it in dribs and drabs of time around everything else on my plate. THEN there’s setting up the tour itself and all the logistics of touring — so don’t hold your breath, but DO say a prayer. (I think I need a STAFF – or elves, maybe?)

      #2- thanks for giving me another reason why people don’t “like/share” etc. – tech newbies (!) – and, especially, for promising to do so in the future.

      Re: Dreamweaver — thanks for the suggestion. I’m sure it would be helpful, but I don’t know enough to know if it would be worth my time to learn, ultimately. AND it’s pricey, which is another concern. Money and time to are the main stoppers on a LOT of things I would like to do!

      What I really need is a “keeper” where all these “in-order-to” things are concerned – somebody who just goes in and makes it all work, so that I can do what I do best with MY time. Dear God, please send me a tech-savvy guardian angel.

      FINALLY – I really appreciate your endorsement of what I do here. My goal is to be helpful, so it is extremely gratifying when I read that I am.

      My BEST to you — don’t miss the announcement of the upcoming TeleClass, btw — I have decided to offer a freebie to blog followers first as a beta and preview of sorts and I’d love to have you there.

      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  3. Thank you, Madelyn, for thinking of me in this connection. However, in reading a little about this award, I do not feel that I qualify. Have I been abused? By society, perhaps. All those years without a diagnosis! Otherwise, no. I’m not traumatized. Thanks, anyway.

    Like

    • Thank you for taking the time to respond, and I’m sorry you won’t be accepting (even though I’m thrilled that you don’t feel traumatized).

      I might have felt the need to decline as well, not wanting to embrace the idea that I had been “victim” ized, were it not for the attack in December and the resultant fear, anxiety and depression that I finally recognized as signs of PTSD (which I wrote about in the “fear” posts.)

      3 months helpless with a smashed hand in a cast gave me more time than I ever wanted to reflect on my entire life. I realized that I AM, actually, a survivor — and have come back from a great many more traumas throughout my life, like a prizefighter who refuses to stay down and keeps getting up to be knocked down again.

      As I continue to work through everything, I feel incrementally better day by day, but its going to be a process that will take time and effort I sorely wish would never have been necessary.

      I am attempting to come to terms with the reality that there is probably no way now that I can do everything I had planned for this year and next as a result – that life changed (and CAN change) on a dime, and that I “simply” must decide what to pursue and what to abandon when it does.

      Until last December I really believed that planning, resolve and hard work could get me through anything, that my goals were all achievable – maybe even inevitable as long as I continued to take action – and that idea, quite suddenly, feels incredibly naive. It is surprising how much that feels like loss.

      I am trying to make friends with the reality that it will probably take the rest of this year to “recover” – making up for time lost & time necessary to replace everything that was stolen (especially my life-management system that was housed in my DayTimer) — WHILE I do what I can to move things forward day to day so that I can return to work and recover financially from several months of no income.

      One of the “silver linings” is that I have forever separated the idea of “survivor” from the “victim” concept — necessary to allow myself to accept help — AND this award.

      Onward and upward!

      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  4. wendy says:

    Thank you so much for nominating me. I am so touched. I will get right on the requirements for accepting the nomination. BTW…my last name is Holcombe. I don’t mind if you ever use it. As you can tell by my blog I’m pretty open about things.

    Just a little note…my husband had ADD, and he likes reading your blog, but told me he hasn’t been able to get through a post because they are so long. He has a very short attention span.
    And yes, sometimes he drives me crazy, but I have much more for him to deal with so I get over it easy. hope you don’t mind the FYI. I don’t know if other people with ADD feel this way or not. I often have a short attention span too. A symptom of some of my many chronic illnesses….and meds. So I do wander when reading sometimes too.
    But I love what you have to say!

    You are the best…thank you again for nominating me.

    Like

    • I’m so glad you’re accepting. I can’t wait to read the answers to your questions.

      I KNOW my posts are long — and a lot of ADDers struggle to get all the way through, especially for some of the ones that are more “scientific.” I don’t know how to do what I do in short snippits, tho’ — because then they wouldn’t understand what I write, or why it’s important as a foundation for figuring out how to cope with their own unique Challenges.

      Believe it or not, I’ve gotten feedback that some readers can’t cope with the Serial approach – they want it all in one post — which means they’ll have to wait for the the book (coming, but so’s Christmas!) So much to share, so little time. 🙂

      That’s why I am going to be doing the TeleClasses.

      I am going to start with a thank you class for blog supporters – a shortish one that will be free, just to get an idea of who’s reading and what they’re struggling with (which will guide my way through future articles and TeleClass development), and to begin to put some basics in place for my non-readers and sporadic readers who find it tough to find the time to wade through longer articles.

      I’ll have to charge for Modular Success Systems (coming “soon”), but I’m doing my best how to figure out how to keep costs as LOW as possible and still be able to pay my bills with what I do with my time.

      It would have been announced already if I hadn’t been mugged. 😦

      I’m also considering relaunching The ADD Hours™, free monthly support groups, which I sponsored for seven years — but the demand would have to warrant the investment of my time. If nobody’s going to dial in, I’m not either!!

      About your wondering if ADD is part of your own mix — not necessarily.– at least not diagnostically so. See When You are new to ADD for a Linklist of the basic posts, or open ABOUT Alphabet Disorders and Alphabet City — which ALL have attentional deficits to deal with! (both titles are links, btw — click ’em).

      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  5. Thank you so much for your references back to me at the top, warms my heart! I really appreciate it.

    I love what you have written as well and how much you have put in to it 🙂

    I look forward very much to the one woman tour! Let me know when it happens. Front row tickets will be purchased.

    Louise x x

    Like

  6. busydarling says:

    Hi! Thanks for the nomination!!
    However, I don’t have body dismorphic disorder, at most some mild sensory integration issues.
    I suppose my ‘full’ past does include ADHD, anorexia, recurrent depression, and some trauma. If that’s relevant.

    Like

    • You are welcome. SO sorry I “added” to what you have had to deal with (I hope your comment means you DO plan to accept, right?) I set your link live, adding your site to the “Related Content” list at the bottom as well.

      My misunderstanding of one of our comment exchanges re: sensory integration and eating disorders. Anorexia (recovered!) — edited, with my apologies.

      Eager to read your answers to the 12 questions — took me FOREVER – but then you have already pointed out that I tend to be -ahem- word-dense. (Believe it or not, brevity takes even longer!!)

      btw- Hallowell (ADD MD – Driven co-author) has been quoted as saying that he believes all of us with ADD deal with a form of PTSD. A hair-trigger “must be me” response to life’s events that don’t go as originally planned is the biggest tell I have observed (but I guess that’s not diagnostic ::grin::)

      It never ceases to amuse me that every single time in my coaching career that I have “messed up” an appointment (ADD-timing-oops of any sort), the ADDers are apologetic, sure it is their oops and relieved when I apologize to them. The non-ADDers, on the other hand, have tended to be annoyed and disconcerted at any mistakes on my part until I normalize ADD affect/ADD Poster Girl and “grovel” [hyperbole – my own “PTSD tell” 🙂 ]

      xx,
      mgh

      Like

      • busydarling says:

        Yup, I am intending to do this. And no worries.
        And I can relate on the -oops- bit. One of my supervisors at my previous job got nervous about it; the thing is, usually when someone wants to ‘talk’ to me I HAD done something, not always noticing it.
        And while most with ADHD have probably been caught in less-than-wholesome situations when it comes to the trauma department, actual PTSD is something else and not pretty. But I catch his train of thought though.
        (My own trauma includes a home situation in which I never felt safe, being excluded in school, an incident of rape and to some extent I found my last depression somewhat traumatic. I have had flashbacks, but actually made use of them. I have no actual PTSD. I refuse to let my past define me, and have fought hard to overcome it, but I still sometimes struggle with ghosts from the past. Not my favourite topic! Doesn’t HAVE to be part of my defining list at all!)

        Like

        • Agree we can – and need to – move on from whatever happened in the past, but my feelings have been invalidated by so many for so much (mostly prior to dx @ 38, but later too) that I don’t want to do it to myself.

          For many years I put on the affect that folks seemed to want from me – actress, you know – but being life’s “class clown” did not serve me. I need – and want – to *feel* my feelings.

          What might look like giving in or wallowing, from the outside, is actually the way I, personally, process best – and the quickest way I get to the place where I CAN put what happened to me in the past, learn from it and leave it behind.

          When people try to encourage me to stuff it (they never say it that way, of course), it adds insult to injury and whatever is going on emotionally escalates, NOT the other way around (I really need to blog the Chicken Little story I use in my trainings – that explains this better. Maybe putting my intention in print will remind me to actually DO it).

          In ANY case, different strokes, right? Others prefer to “act as if” until it becomes a habit — and they swear that is what THEY need to process. Who am I to argue with what they say works for them if they seem ok and swear that they are?

          I’m sorry for whatever happened to YOU, and glad you have found a way to use it positively — I’m looking forward to reading your answers to the 12 questions.

          xx,
          mgh

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