Repair Deficit


Domino Problems Redux?
When you can’t seem to FIX faster than things fall apart!

©Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
from the Time & Task Management Series
Predicting Time to Manage Tasks – Part-III

300px-Domino_effectHOW can I catch-up before it’s all too late?

Domino problems are what I have named that frustrating but all too familiar situation where it seems that no matter what you do – or how long you agonize over what you CAN do – one thing after another goes wrong anyway.

In my own life and the lives of my neurodiverse clients and and students, there are periods of time when it seems like one little oversight or problem “suddenly” creates a host of others — as we watch in horror as our lives falls apart, each new problem created by the one before it.

“I drop out one little thing and there I am,” one client said tearfully,back in the hole again, with no idea how I’ll get out this time.”

“Everything seems to fall apart around me, and I shut down with the stress of it all,” said another.

Still another said, “My family is tired of bailing me out, and I’m tired of hearing them yell at me about it. I feel like such a loser.”

That’s the Domino Problem Dynamic in a Nutshell

And when something NOT so little drops out – our doing or Murphy’s – HEAVEN HELP US!

Why the name “domino problem”? Because the domino dynamic is similar to that activity where you set a row of dominoes on end, then tap the first one to watch them ALL fall, one at a time, as the domino falling before it knocks it down.

Domino Problems are a major contributor to so-called procrastination: we reach a point where we are afraid to move because we are afraid we won’t be able to handle one more thing going wrong!

I keep searching for a way to explain the dynamic, on the way to suggesting some ways to work around it before everything is in shambles at your feet. “Repair deficit” is my latest attempt.

Repair Deficit

The term may seem oddly familiar to those of you who “attended” the world’s first virtual Gluten Summit in November 2013.

Dr. Liz Lipski used the term as a way of explaining “increased intestinal permeability,” in answer to a couple of recurring questions:

  1. Why is it, if gluten is supposed to be so bad for us, that everyone who eats it doesn’t develop what is euphemistically called “a leaky gut” and/or other conditions which supposedly have gluten intolerance at the root of the problem?
  2. How come people can be healthy for years on the standard high-gluten diet then suddenly, in late life, be diagnosed with celiac disorder or something else attributed to gluten intolerance?

Lipski’s explanation of the repair deficit dynamic in the physical health venue ALSO provides a handy metaphor for the explanation of why some of us are able to swim to shore after our life-boat capsizes, while others go down with the ship — or why some of us “leap tall buildings in a single bound,” only to be stopped cold by something that looks relatively minor.

So stay with me as we learn (or review) a bit about digestive health, on the way to taking a look at how repair deficit situations operate in the non-food areas of our lives.

Remember – links on this site are dark grey to reduce distraction potential
while you’re reading. They turn red on mouseover.
Hover before clicking for a box with more info.

Functional Lessons from a Nutrition Expert

In addition to authoring several books about Digestive Wellness, Dr. Liz Lipski is also the Academic Director of Nutrition and Health Programs at Maryland University of Integrative Health, on the faculty of the Institute for Functional Medicine and the Autism Research Institute, and the founder of Innovative Healing and “Access to Health Experts,” a web-based holistic health membership site with archives that have recently been opened up without fee.

Liz is as committed to “the power of the right person on the right diet” as I am to
the power of the right person using the right systems and interventions.

I find her ideas about “person-specific health” [my term] particularly relevant to those of us here in Alphabet City, even if you don’t follow through on her advice about eating for health (which would be a shame, by the way).

tightropeRepair Deficit and Physical Health

Cells in our body don’t last forever. Old cells die and new cells take their place, as the dead cells are flushed out of our bodies in a discrete number of elimination processes.

When talking about bodily processes, this stepping up of new cells to keep our bodily processes in a healthy state of balance is frequently referred to as “regeneration,” even though “replacement” is closer to the truth.

Cells making up bodily systems “regenerate” at different rates for different parts of our bodies.

The cells lining our intestines, for example (a one single cell thick layer we call the gut lumen or the GI mucosa) are replaced every 3 to 5 days in relatively healthy human beings.

  • The purpose of the gut lumen is to pass nutrients to the bloodstream to be carried wherever they are needed throughout the body, and to keep everything that doesn’t belong in the bloodstream out, passing it along to be further digested or eliminated.
  • When something perforates that lining (i.e., when we have a “leaky gut”), we get bacteria, parasites, toxins, pollens, partially digested large food molecules and other things that don’t belong in the bloodstream running amok throughout the body, causing all kinds of problems with varying degrees of severity.
  • These problems can manifest eventually in any number of ways — as migraines, skin problems, rheumatoid arthritis and other joint problems, brain-fog (and even brain tumors!), insulin dysregulation leading to obesity or diabetes, or any number of other things that leave us in unhealthy states that make everything else difficult to impossible to accomplish.

As long as whatever it is that happens to damage that protective membrane layer doesn’t happen too often, our gut recovers its ability to, metaphorically, traffic-cop the process of digestion and elimination, as our immune system does what it it designed to do: fight off foreign invaders.

When the battle is won our good health returns and, unless we know what to look for, we may never connect last week’s migraine to gut damage caused by a food sensitivity – gluten, in this example.

We’re in big trouble when the damage happens faster than the body’s ability to repair or regenerate, for example when continued damage is long-standing or chronic. That’s what Liz calls being in a “repair deficit” situation.

At that point, the body’s defense mechanism goes a bit nuts in its non-stop efforts to attack these foreign invaders that made it into the blood stream where they don’t belong — a situation we eventually throw into the widely cast net referred to as “autoimmune disorders and diseases.”

Again, unless we know what to look for and how to look for it, we may never connect our eventually problematic condition to gut damage caused by a food sensitivity – gluten, in this example.

LGS_Diagram

Note the PROCESS!

It’s a cycle. Notice that the arrows send you off in two different directions.

My domino metaphor describes how one thing takes something else down with it in a relatively linear progression.

As long as we can set the dominoes up faster than they fall down (or can afford to drop whatever we’re doing to race ahead to shore up a domino about to fall), our lives recover and we boogie on down the road toward success.

It becomes obvious to all that the pattern of destruction has been halted, which is what usually happens more often for the neurotypical population, setting their standard of expectations.  Horray for them!

But what if the dominos are arranged in a big circle? 

Unless we have a helper as dedicated to our success as we are, we can’t shore up both sides of a pending destruction dynamic. The side we don’t get to will eventually take down the side of the circle we thought we had protected – whether we are neurotypical or neurodiverse.

As hatefully counterintuitive as it may be, unless we STOP to figure out how to halt the process before it begins – and DO that, we’re sunk!

It can happen any time in any arena of our lives

Climbing_Dollar_SignTake finances, for example. When we have reserves, we can afford to be a bit lax about systems without concern that our entire infrastructure will fall in on us if we goof a few times. We pay the consequences, resolve to keep a tighter rein on things, and move on.

When we are dancing right on the edge of sufficiency, things become more difficult to balance and budget.

For example, if we overdraw our checking account and bounce a check, fees will be added to the amount we must put into the account to return it to good standing.  If the budget is extremely tight and we can’t cover the additional fees and pay all our monthly bills, we will have to “rob Peter to pay Paul.”  Then what?

  • We certainly don’t want to jeopardize the roof over our heads, do we?  Things will get quite a bit worse quite a bit faster if we get an eviction notice, so we can’t rob that particular Peter to pay anybody’s Paul, can we?  We’ll decide we have to dedicate enough money there, if we’re smart — especially if we’ve been late in the past.
    One potential repair deficit situation coming up!
  • If the electricity gets shut off, how will we get ready for work?  We won’t have money for anything if we can’t get to work, so it’s not a very good idea to take that chance.  If we don’t have the reserves to pay the bank fees, we certainly can’t afford to pay late fees or reconnection fees to our electric company, nor can we risk getting to work late, since it’s likely that we’ve already been warned about punctuality (and wouldn’t you just bet that it will happen once we’ve already used all our sick days!)
    Oops, another potential repair deficit situation!
  • It might make sense to eat at home and cook from scratch, tightening our belt by reducing our food budget for a month — but what if we don’t have the time or the ability to prepare food from scratch?  Or what if we’ve been “meaning to” get to the grocery store for long enough that we feel like Old Mother Hubbard with her empty cupboard?  Who knew that little detail would make things tougher down the road?
    Uh-oh, potential repair deficit situation number three!

There but for the grace of God go I.
~ frequently attributed to John Bradford (circa 1510–1555)

You may not relate to any of the above examples, but life could change in a heartbeat if you get sick and have to debit ultimately limited financial resources to pay mounting hospital and doctor bills.

  • Yet how many of us connect our lack of attention to savings (or adequate health insurance) to the mess we suddenly land in when we don’t win the great health lottery?
  • How many of us have the suggested six months of reserve expenses salted away to protect us in the event of job loss?
  • How many of us with Attentional Deficits can even bear to THINK about finances, given all of the other items on our cognitive plates?

The same dynamic can happen with TIME

That’s an even tougher deficit to repair. We can sometimes borrow cash, but nobody’s figured out a way to squeeze more than 24 hours into a day!

  • Yet most of us attempt to squeeze more activities and to-dos into a day than makes good sense, banking on the hope that we’ll be able to keep all of our over-commitment balls in the air, or that we will somehow be able to escape serious consequences if we drop a few of those balls or push back a few of those deadlines.
  • Make no mistake – most of us are dancing right on the repair deficit edge.
  • All it will take to push us over the repair deficit cliff will be something unexpected, when our “leaky life” will begin to create problems that could pop up anywhere and may well pop up everywhere.

Understanding the Repair Deficit concept:
a new way to think about planning and prioritizing

CliffThings get even more difficult to manage for those of us who always have have to figure out how to budget cognitive resources.

Few of us can escape the consequences of debiting our cognitive processes until we are in a repair deficit situation.

Yet most of us push our cognitive boundaries as if that were not so.

We all know how it feels when we are so stressed out by everything we currently have to handle that we can barely think.  Some of us live that way most of the time.

  • Yet most of us fail to recognize the elements that signal how close we are to the repair deficit edge – that horrifying place when we are no longer ABLE to put things back together as fast as they are falling apart.
  • Even fewer of us STOP when we notice that we aren’t functioning at the top of our game to go to bed or take a break (or a walk) to restore our energies, after which things are almost always easier to accomplish.
  • A great many of us push harder in our attempt to do it all, sometimes far into the night, hoping to make up for the realities of human limitations, as if getting sufficient sleep were optional.

Most of us live our lives as if we are somehow personal exceptions to the human being norms that are well-documented as universally applicable; as if:

  • WE don’t need much sleep
  • WE can get by with lousy nutrition, or obesity, or smoking, or talking on a cellphone while we drive
  • WE will never have to face the consequences of the fact that we don’t make time for exercise, or family
  • WE can multi-task effectively

crazy-lineDrawingCrazy, huh?

Regular readers of ADDandSoMuchMore.com are already familiar with my favorite definition of crazy, frequently attributed to Einstein:

“Doing the same thing expecting a different result.”


It’s also a classic description of denial.

Bottom Line:  When your life is dancing close to the edge of a “repair deficit” situation, you need to STOP before you go over the repair deficit cliff.  You need to improve your “diet” – changing the menu – as surely as you would have to if your physical health were in peril.

Don’t wait until you are in the middle of a repair deficit LIFE –
when you are no longer ABLE to put things back together
as fast as they are falling apart.

In order to improve your systems – and your life – before you go over the repair deficit cliff, you are going to have to STOP “doing” long enough to examine what it is that you DO, figure out where it’s getting you into trouble, and try something different.

Trying Something Different

BOY is this a hard concept to sell!  If I had a dollar for every time in my last 25 years in the helping field that I have heard that something I suggest “won’t work,” I think I’d be on easy-street.

What’s really sad is that I hear those words most from from clients or students who keep trying neurotypically-focused tips and tricks that clearly clearly aren’t working for them very well and, in my experience, do NOT work very well for very many of us with “executive functioning” deficits, already struggling with intentionality .

Those things they are willing to try and continue to try have ONE thing in common:

  • They are FAMILIAR.
  • It seems that they are more likely to work — or that they are supposed to work — simply because they are touted by so many people.
  • We’re inundated with “standard” tips and tricks on the internet and in television interviews, in books and magazines, and (sadly) by therapists and coaches who really don’t know much at all about how the brain works OR neurodiversity-required tweaking.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“If fifty million people say a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing.” 

~ Anatole France
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Even if those people are scientists, doctors, therapists or coaches
(and especially if those people are statisticians) ~ mgh

Working with me in a self-help fashion

EVEN if your budget won’t allow for ADD Coaching, and certainly until I am able to begin coaching again, you can use the content of this blog to move your life forward, as long as you are ready-willing-and-able to dedicate structured TIME to your own life — assuming you can accept one foundational principle: life improvement MEANS change.

Change has to start with SOMETHING different.

  • I have suggestions I think you would be wise to try, based on 25 years of full-time reading, researching, coaching and training in both the neurotypical and neurodiverse communities.
  • It’s a pretty good bet that I have a better sampling of what works than you do – but no technique has ever worked across-the-board without making some adjustments (what I call “tweaking”).
  • Still, you have to TRY things to tweak them – maybe even a couple of times over at least a week, probably longer! WHEN things don’t work “out of the box,” Sherlock and tweak – then rerun the experiment.

© From my upcoming ADD Coaching Glossary:

Sherlock; Sherlocking
One of the ADD Coaching Skills: a term coined by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie to describe the process of examining the inner logic of what is occurring.

Looking through behavior for clues to functioning the same way that Sherlock Holmes looks for clues to a crime — with no pre-drawn conclusions.

Setting things up so that you get to WIN

1. Set up a Coaching Notebook, just as you would if you were working with me privately.

  • I strongly suggest a three-ringed binder so that you can insert pages, with tabbed dividers so you can group things in categories and turn to them easily.
    Paper-based, NOT electronic.  Trust me on this one – it’s brain-based.
  • One page per item, write down a few areas where things break down. You want to be able to DOCUMENT attempts, results and changes. (How else will you know what needs tweaking and in what direction? You SURELY don’t believe you will remember, do you?)
  • Then pick an area that’s not working (or not working well or easily), and experiment with a few of the things I suggest (use the search box at the top right of each page or click links to Related Content after EACH article.)
  • Document tweaks, results and observations, with dates. 

2. Find a buddy coach – a non-judgmental friend whose life could use a bit of self-help too.

  • “Externalizing your prefrontal cortex” works SO much better than sitting alone spinning thoughts through your very own brain!
  • Take turns working through each of your “experiments,” holding each other accountable and celebrating wins.
  • Pick a regular appointment time – weekly is best. Decide together what the “check-in” rules will be: how long, how often, for what purpose, etc.  (“Surprise requests” between appointments won’t work for either of you very long.)
  • Work on the PHONE – notebooks in front of you.  I promise it will work better – for a whole lot of reasons I won’t go into in THIS article.  Just do it until you get used to it, okay?
  • Don’t “chat” during your coaching sessions;  maintain a clear distinction between friendship calls and coaching calls.  Hang up and call back if that’s your only catch-up time.  (You want to prime your brain to work during your sessions.)
  • Make a deal with each other that you will function as scribes, mirrors and cheerleaders, NOT “advisors.” Negotiate how (and how often) you want to be each other’s “reminders.” 

3. Try things MY way until you figure out YOUR way

I am NOT saying that I have answers for you or for anybody — I don’t.
Nor do I believe that I know better what you need than you do.

HOWEVER, unless you are a practiced, accurate self-observer who knows from a depth of experience that something really won’t work – and can say WHY NOT in a short, functionally-based statement — the likelihood is high that you are reacting in a black and white fashion to a lack of familiarity when your first reaction is “That will never work.”

Functionally-based examples:

  • I’m colorblind (or highly visually distractible), so color-coding my files wouldn’t work (or would drive me nuts).
  • I can’t set my phone to ding every time someone tries to reach me (to remind me to check for messages later) – I’m so audially distractible (or impulsive) I’d never get anything done.
  • Hard-boiled eggs can’t be my breakfast – I have dietary restrictions.

That does NOT mean

  • I can’t file anything
  • There is no value in some kind of reminder to check for messages
  • I can’t eat protein in the morning – or eat anything in the morning

Success breeds success

Remember, as you read the articles on ADDandSoMuchMore.com, to make sure you read every single word of every single article that even remotely applies to your situationwith an open mind (as many times as it takes to GET it).

Make sure you grant yourself the respect of a willingness to dedicate the TIME and ENERGY to really try things on.

  • Don’t stop if you think something isn’t working – TWEAK.
  • Determine exactly where things break down and tweak there.
  • Make ONE change at a time.

You are a lot more likely to achieve success taking the advice of an experienced brain-based coach than continuing to try the tired old tips and tricks that are put forward seemingly everywhere you look (I don’t care how many studies seem to support them – check the number of people they studied, their ages and their demographics! Is that YOUR situation?  YOUR functioning?).

  • You still won’t get everything done without some bumps in your road, but the likelihood is higher that you will continue working on improving your life with greater success.
  • Meanwhile, you’ll get SOME things done, in marked contrast to sitting around anxiously doing nothing, or running around madly, dodging the elements that are rapidly falling apart.

Life itself improves as you develop new habits in one arena and can begin to Sherlock another — as long as you make sure that you keep each system in place as you go.

  • Don’t fall victim to the false belief that “now that you are ‘fixed’” in one arena or another, you no longer need your systems.
  • You don’t stop washing your dishes just because they’re clean now, do you?  I HOPE you don’t!!

If you keep on keepin’ on, little by little, systems improve and things stop falling on your head — because it is a simpler process to get back on track when something goes wrong.  Keep it up and you’ll begin to notice that fewer and fewer things go wrong.

In other words, you’ll back away from the Repair Deficit edge!

THEY don’t need to get it – but YOU do!!

© 2013, all rights reserved
Check bottom of Home/New to find out the “sharing rules”

No TIME to read all this stuff? Want more help?

man-on-phoneOnce my own life recovers from a repair deficit situation where even the ability to use the systems I have put in place was taken from me at gunpoint, watch for the announcement of an upcoming 12-week TeleClass on Modular Success Systems.

It will help you sort through a great many of the “functional modules” so that you can design an action plan guaranteed to be easier than what most of you are currently attempting to work with.

Classes are a much cheaper alternative to hiring my personal coaching services (and the FIRST time I offer a new class is always your least expensive option by far!). As always, class size will be small to allow for personal attention, so don’t miss the announcement if you want to make sure you sign up before the first class fills.

If you already know that this is something you are going to want to be part of, let me know in a comment below and I’ll make sure you have advanced notice (don’t forget to fill in your name and email on the comment form or I won’t be able to contact you).

Meanwhile, keep reading as often as you can! Until my own life recovers, I won’t have the time to post very often, but there is A LOT already on the site. Don’t waste this free resource – and I’d REALLY appreciate it if you would help me out by taking a few moments from your own life to spread the word about the blog and the upcoming TeleClass, OK?

To double the benefit, whenever you read a new article, make it a habit to pick at least one of the Related Content links to read at the same time (embedded in the text and duplicated in the Related Links at the bottom of every post).

If you’ll “like” or comment after the pages you’ve read, it will help you keep track and will point others to posts you find especially helpful (as well as helping ME to know what you want me to write about).

LinkList to all of the Optimal Functioning (Challenges) Series of articles HERE

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As always, if you want notification of new articles in the Time & Task Management Series – or any new posts on this blog – give your email address to the nice form on the top of the skinny column to the right. (You only have to do this once, so if you’ve already asked for notification about a prior series, you’re covered for this one too). STRICT No Spam Policy.

Want to work directly with me? If you’d like some coaching help with anything that came up while you were reading this Series (one-on-one couples or group), click HERE for Brain-based Coaching with mgh, with a contact form at its end (or click the E-me link on the menubar at the top of every page). Fill out the form, submit, and an email SOS is on its way to me; we’ll schedule a call to talk about what you need. I’ll get back to you ASAP (accent on the “P”ossible!).

I’m still quite a way from being fully functional at this time,
but I will begin accepting a limited number of private clients in March, 2014.

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You might also be interested in some of the following articles
available right now – on this site and elsewhere.

For links in context: run your cursor over the article above and the dark grey links will turn dark red;
(subtle, so they don’t pull focus while you read, but you can find them to click when you’re ready for them)
— and check out the links to other Related Content in each of the articles themselves —

Related articles right here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com
(in case you missed them above or below)

LinkLists of other supports for this article – on ADDandSoMuchMore.com

Related Articles ’round the net

BY THE WAY: Since ADDandSoMuchMore.com is an Evergreen site, I revisit all my content periodically to update links — when you link back, like, follow or comment, you STAY on the page. When you do not, you run a high risk of getting replaced by a site with a more generous come-from.

About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

11 Responses to Repair Deficit

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  6. Madelyn, Someone just responded to you on my blog so I approved it. I’m not clear how to get it to you at this time so I just thought I’d drop a line. Guess my thinking isn’t very clear?! How are you doing? I’m trying to see if you’ve left any messages here. Please drop me a line on email if you’d like. Very concerned. Take care and stay safe, Edie

    Like

    • Hey Edie – thanks for contacting me!

      I’m better, thanks. My time with my friends in Little Rock was extremely healing, and I am now back in Cincinnati, which has re-activated a bit of fear – mostly about how MUCH I have to put back together logistically still — but not nearly in as extreme a fashion as before I had a chance to get AWAY and to have some time out of isolation.

      More later – so MUCH to do to catch up – but the good news is that the bones of my hand have healed very well, according to yesterday’s Xrays, so I am now cleared to push through pain to get hand functioning back, which is a MUCH bigger relief than I can describe.

      I no longer have to be fearful that any additional hand trauma will force an operation (and further recovery time!) – so I no longer feel so fragile (and OLD!!!).

      While there are still many things I cannot do right now, and even more I cannot do without pain, it is SUCH a relief to know that pain is no longer an indicator of further damage, and that pushing through it will allow me to rebuild hand strength and fine-motor skills.

      Once I approve and respond to comments left in my absence, I’ll hop over to your blog to ring in there.

      Thanks so much for your ongoing support and kindness.

      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  7. Madelyn, Thanks for writing an excellent educational blog, as always. I certainly see where the “domino-effect” translates in many ways. But, keeping your situation in mind I’m wondering how you are healing both physically and emotionally after this recent assault? I’m sure you are devastated when you think one problem is solved, and another creeps in. We just take so much for granted … but you’ve have a rocky road this past year … and I’m not talking of the ice cream “rocky-road”!LOL

    To be pistol-whipped and assaulted, robbed, is a life-alternating situation. It’s not something you just “get-over” and “move-on”. Yep, we all “move-on” because who wants to stay there anyway … but looking over one’s shoulder constantly becomes the new norm. Besides, we aren’t getting any younger and criminals are looking for people they think are “vulnerable”. Who knew we look “vulnerable”. Is it because we dress appropriately for the weather (coats, hats, gloves) because they can’t even see our aging effects with all the winter clothing! I guess we’ll never know what “vulnerable” is in their eyes, because we simply can’t think like they do.

    I recently was making a police report when they asked for my identification and I pulled it out of my sleeve. They looked at me and said “I would have never suspected a pocket in the sleeve.” It was second nature, so I was surprised by their response assuming everyone does what I do. I should share some of these little strategies on a post. Then I pull out my phone from an inner pocket. Who would think law enforcement would be surprised? I guess I made someone’s day!

    I can’t even imagine being robbed by gunpoint but given your injuries and Cindy’s it sounds like they possibly were causing injury with “intent-to-kill” or “assault with a deadly weapon”. It sounds like you have a way to go in the healing process, and what about your friend Cindy? How are you both doing? As always … Take care and stay safe, Edie

    Like

    • Thanks again, Edie, for reading and for taking the time to comment — for caring. I also responded to your other comment on the “Mugged” post.

      The loss of the feeling of safety and security is considerable, of course, as is getting over the anger and despair – but you’ve written about that on your wonderful blog, so I know you understand the PTSD-like after-effects.

      I’m sure it will take quite a bit of time for both Cindy and I to heal emotionally – even once what has been stolen from us has been replaced and we have earned enough money to replace economic reserves decimated in this process.

      Both ADD, the impact to our cognition will take more time to heal than our physical injuries – for her more than for me, since she sustained head injuries, while mine were “simply” loss of functioning of my dominant hand.

      As the TBI community knows only too well, healing can take years, and you will never again be the same as you were before the trauma – and that few will ever understand why you can’t simply “snap out of it.”

      My greatest fear is that I will never be able to forgive, and that I will probably be forced to relocate to feel safe again. It’s not “logical” but, again, I know YOU of all people understand.

      Thanks so much for caring and sharing. DO write that article about your helps and work-arounds for all of us!!

      Like

  8. Good to see you back at it, Madelyn. That gunpoint episode was real scary.

    Like

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