NO contact possible: mugged at gunpoint


 

If you’re just hearing why I’ve been tough to reach  . . .
read from bottom to top to get the story in order.

Newest updates will be at the top — some are links you must click to read.
New comments after this post add context and additional information.
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APRIL 3, Thursday afternoon

Sincere apologies to anyone who has attempted to reach me by PHONE, phone service STILL not working reliably — grrrr! — read all about it HERE .
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March 15, Saturday night

For anyone interested, my most recent progress was left in my response to a comment under the post on PTSD, “When Fear Becomes Entrenched & Chronic — Chronic Anxiety & PTSD”  (Part 2 of Understanding Fear & Anxiety)

 (To jump straight to the comment following the article itself, click HERE.)

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EARLY morning Thursday, 3/13/14 update immediately below:

Peggy Ramundo came to my door earlier “today” (Wednesday afternoon), saying that people “all over the world” were calling HER, worried that they could not contact me.

The battery life on my “burner” phone is lousy, so it wasn’t possible to make a call to check on me instead – and the phone was “hidden” in the pocket of a sweater with no way to locate it by calling the number once she had arrived here.

  • She said her call went directly to voicemail, where a message told her that voicemail had not been set up.
  • I have NO idea what that is about, since I was getting voicemail messages in January and February.
  • I will have to handle this latest phone wrinkle whenever I awaken “tomorrow.” (Have I mentioned lately how much I truly dislike Cincinnati Bell?)

My apologies to all who were concerned by my lack of contact – said “burner” phone turned out to be Cincinnati area only, and I still have not been able to jump through all the hoops necessary to get my replacement iPhone up and running on my old number (service with Verizon – which I newly appreciate more than I can say!)  – so it seems that neither number was working for most of the time I was away.

I am now back in Cincinnati, following a mad dash on Monday/Tuesday to catch an overnight bus back from Little Rock, when illness left my dear and wonderful hosts unable to manage the ten-hour car trip as planned (10 hours EACH way!).

  • My appointment at the Hand Clinic mandated my own return and, checking out options, a l-o-n-g bus trip turned out to be the only way to get it done.
  • Several delays en route left me hustling to make my doctor’s appointment – but I arrived at the hospital in the nick of time, since they were running a bit late themselves.  Whew!

Once I made it back to my apartment and unpacked my luggage, I was bushed!  Since Greyhound rousted us off the bus to stand in line to reboard at every pitsy stop,  I was running on two hours of sleep since the night before the night before THAT.  I crashed and burned – and finally awoke about an hour before Peggy arrived at my doorstep.

A trip down the street to pick up something to eat, then setting the computer back up and running to be able to get to ADDandSoMuchMore.com to approve and respond to comments left while I was away brings me to now.  My recently located burner phone is charging as I type, and I’m off to BED as soon as I post this update, since it is well-past 4 AM already.

Good News about my Hand!

My latest X-Rays show that my bones are effectively healed, so I no longer have to wear even my most-recent “removable” cast (for bathing, etc) – nor must I continue to restrict the weight carried by my right hand to 3-5 pounds.

Although it will be a bit of time before my hand strength returns to anything near what it was in December and my two middle fingers don’t seem to want to respond to commands with much precision (and tingle as if they are “asleep”), I can finally see a glimmer of light at the end of what seemed like an eternal tunnel of darkness right up until my recent appointment.

I have finally been advised to “push through pain” to get the tendons etc. stretched and flexible and my muscles working in tandem again and I can’t tell you what welcome news that is to me. 

Until now, pain was supposed to be my signal to STOP, and you have no idea how I hated that particular advice.  ONLY the threat of potential surgery following re-injury kept me “honest.”

Feeling physically fragile has been more of a problem than I realized.  It made me feel ancient! It is SUCH a delight to be free to walk down the street without fear of falling (lest I do additional damage), and I am excited about my newly returned sense of autonomy.

I truly despise being helpless!

Even though I have discovered that I still have a hair-trigger startle response now that I am back to the PTSD triggers of Cincinnati, the pervasive fear of the past two months has softened enough that I am encouraged to believe I will be back to my former self once I am able to jump through all of the hoops necessary to replace everything stolen from me at gunpoint.

  • That amounts to a daunting number of in order to-s that I’m sure will frustrate me to no end and will take more time than anyone will believe.  I pray for patience!  If you are of the praying persuasion, please add your voice to mine.
  • I left a message for the hospital social worker that I am ready to explore some counseling options that I’m sure will speed my recovery as it helps me to deal with the frustrations I encounter as I am finally able to begin to put everything back in place.

My sincere thanks to all who have been praying and commenting during this time. Jeanie and Wayne have taken WONDERFUL care of me, and I am feeling much calmer and more resilient as a result of their kind attention – I am forever in their debt.

And NOW, to sleep!  I’ll check back here (much) later today.

xx,
mgh
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Saturday, 2/22/14 update immediately below:

Man plans; God laughs

The Wednesday 2/19/14 update still applies, BUT severe storm warnings on the route they needed to take prevented my dear friends from traveling as planned – so I’m still here and they just arrived LATE Friday night (2/21)

That gave me the time to post Part One of a 2-part article on fear, anxiety & PTSD (Understanding Fear & Anxiety) and to finish Part Two (When Fear Becomes Entrenched & Chronic).

Part Two is set to auto-post while I am away (Monday at midnight), hoping that will give some of you enough time to read [the much shorter] Part One first — even though both stand on their own, they are more powerful in combination.

If you are struggling with ANY of the anxiety disorders – and especially if you struggle with TBI or PTSD, make sure you put reading these posts into your schedule.  They will help explain a LOT.

In a HUGE leap of faith, I have woven many of the details [new in my experience of myself] of my own current struggles with extreme anxiety & free-floating FEAR post-mugging into an article that explains what’s going on in the brain, WHY what we are feeling defies logic at times, why it is so difficult to get beyond it, etc.

It is my hope that my disclosure might help you to treat yourselves kindly and with patience (and relate to anyone else struggling with anxiety disorders of any flavor with a bit more active compassion – including ME, currently).

It’s designed to make a BIG difference, and introduces a series of articles I plan to write about what I, personally, will be doing to heal.

New Day/New Plans

As soon as they awaken today (Saturday), my friends will be helping me run around town to pay bills, etc. so that nothing new falls apart while they are taking care of me at their abode.  We plan to leave to begin the 10-hour trip back to their home early Sunday morning.

I am MUCH calmer and more focused since seeing them even for a few minutes early this morning (the coffee they took me to buy helped a bunch too – I’ve been out for a while & unable to get to a store).

I’m not sure when I will be returning (before my next appointment at the hand clinic in early March, in any case) — but, until I am back, I won’t be able to approve comments that will need it, or respond to comments posted by those who have commented on ADDandSoMuchMore.com in the past, (which “should” be auto-approved, if WordPress works as designed).

I won’t have administrative WordPress access while I am away – since the purpose of the trip is to focus on my own healing, I’m not planning to attempt to deal with the stress of figuring out new ways to do THERE what is already set up here.

If you’ve never commented before you won’t be able to see your comment until I get back home to approve it (sorry, blame the darned spammers!).

Comment ANYWAY – it will give me something to look forward to on my return, when I’ll approve and respond to all comments left for me while I was away — on ANY article.

Onward and upward!

xx,
mgh

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Wednesday 2/19/14 update immediately below:

Calvary Arriving Tomorrow!!

I just heard from a DEAR friend several states away that she and her husband have rearranged their lives to be able to leave tomorrow for the 10-hour trip to “kidnap” me.  She has been supporting me “long-distance” until now, and this idea was total surprise — a gift from God through her family.

After helping me pack a bag and set up bill paying structures to keep things in place here, they will be driving me back to their home where they are going to feed me and keep me company so that I can recenter enough to make a plan to be able to move forward.  Thanks to all who have posted your support and love during this time.

I will probably NOT have ready access to internet or computer, but will get back in touch when I can next manage it — and will respond to any future comments left here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com at that time.

I DO hope that while I am away I will be able to have the assistance I require to find someone who can help me set up my replacement phone so that my “regular” number will again be available.  My contacts all have to be replaced, so most of you who have that number will have to call ME (if we have not spoken on my temporary phone, I no longer have a way to contact YOU by phone).

ALL is a process of replacement at this point.  Since my brain is flying at half-mast in a PTSD-like emotional reaction, it may take longer than any of us would like (or believe!).  With some in-person time and attention I will NEVER be able to repay appropriately, I feel hopeful I will be able to fashion a way to recover and move forward.

  • God protect those of you who are attempting to recover from traumas far greater than mine – and those who are walking through that process with you.
  • I now understand your struggles in a whole new way.
  • At this point, all I personally am able to offer in support are my prayers, but I hope to be able to do more in the future.

I must be back for my next appointment at the hand clinic in early March – at which point I will most likely be able to focus on putting my former life back in place.  It will take the time it takes, but I will be in a better place emotionally to do what must be done: a LOT!

Loss of autonomy is a VERY scary thing, but isolation has been the worst amygdala activator EVER!!  Everything seems to worsen in a vacuum. I have felt, at times, that I was losing my mind.

No wonder solitary confinement is used as an instrument of torture.  Truly, it needs to be illegal – certainly in our prisons, which need total reform in any case.  It is inhumane to warehouse human beings with no chance for rehabilitation.  But then, America is an inhumane society with MANY things that those of us with hearts and souls need to speak out AGAINST to BE the change we want to see in the world.

I hope to eventually be in a place where I can, once again, work as an instrument for change.  Right now I need to focus on my own healing.

xx,
mgh
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Monday 2/17/14 UPDATE HERE

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Thursday 1/30/14 UPDATE below:

Modern medicine is very different than the last time I had broken bones – in my right leg – but, unfortunately, bones don’t heal correspondingly rapidly.

I came home from my Jan. 28th appointment with Xrays that showed enough healing of the multiple spiral fractures I sustained during the robbery to move to the next step.  I now have what is called a “removable cast” on my right arm. supporting further healing of my right hand.

The great news is that, after 31 very grungy and self-esteem decimating days, I could finally take a bath and wash my hair.  Also that I can begin the process of training the fingers of my dominant hand to work in consort again.

Since tendon damage over the breaks has currently “crippled” my two middle fingers, I still cannot type very well (or rapidly), but I am now, finally, able to practice – and to use my trackball.

Glory hallelujah.

TIMING matters!

Please be consciously careful about how you communicate to me about this good news.

Everyone means well, I’m sure, but “cheer up” communications meant to be motivational land differently when so much still must be accomplished before I can say I have recovered – it will be good news when I have my life back again, and not until.

There is still MUCH to do to recover proof of my identity,pay all my current bills (now that I FINALLY have a debit card, despite the fact that the name on this new card is incorrect so it must be replace AGAIN), handle the problems of a stolen phone so that I can get my business on track to be able to pay my bills going forward – and to find ways to keep services on before tomorrow’s beginning of month domino problems add to my load.

I have not needed “an attitude adjustment” – I have needed empathy, attempts at understanding the implications of what I am dealing with, communication that did not require my ability to do what I cannot currently do, and practical help.

MANY thanks to those who have communicated to me from that paradigm.

Given all, my “attitude” is quite amazing, thank you – especially for someone who could do precious little but watch Hulu reruns, dining on peanut butter out of a jar and vegetables out of a can as I waited on “the kindness of strangers” for 33 solid days — each, understandably, VERY busy with their own lives.

It seems that we ALL need an “attitude adjustment.” 

I am forever changed by what I observed during the last 33 days, and will be writing articles about my experience as time permits.

Our society is empathy-averse, and I plan to speak out about it in the next few months, as I put my own life back together — in support of those who are dealing with conditions that will not recover so “rapidly” – or may not recover at all.

Our society has become very self-focused and competitive in the 30 years since my last experience with broken bones. I may not be able to do much to change it, but I am driven to name it and to speak out against it.  Perhaps THAT is the silver lining to this cloud.

“Tough” and “love” NEVER belong in the same sentence.  They are very different things. Time creeps for those awaiting attention and help once autonomy has been stripped.

I am slowly preparing an article about this very thing – it is good exercise that will strengthen the muscles in my right fingers.

Meanwhile, pay some kind attention to those in YOUR lives who have been waiting for you to have time for them.  Attempt to cheer them up without making them wrong for needing cheering — simply listening (without “up-languaging”) is a very kind thing to do, and easy to offer.

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1/23/14 UPDAT E below:

bones knitting – swelling down so I can finally move right hand fingers – cast restricts usage so still stuck w/ non-dominant hand 1-finger typing & cross keyboard trackball — bummer!

Getting better at it but not enough to do much of anything that doesn’t take FOREVER!! So no blogging in Jan. 😦

Next Xray & cast removal or cast change is 28th — prayers appreciated.

xx,mgh
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12/29/13
SO sorry — unavailable for  [inserted 1/9/13] AT LEAST a week MOREprobably longer.

MORE 1/9/13 UPDATE details HERE
well, THAT didn’t work see below:

TO ALL!!!!!

u R all WONDERFUL!!

FINALLY got cast on yesterday – no ID proof & holiday closings made things slow & complex.

It will be a while B4 all back in place. I’m ok othrwise — if a bit jumpy! 🙂

Left hand learning oh-so-slowly slowly & no time to locate an asst yet (try logitech trackball mousing w/ non-dominant hand as you hunt & peck — long-time touch typists have NO idea where the keys are 😦

BRIGHT SIDE: Gotta’ be GREAT 4 neurogenisis, huh?

xx,
mgh

 

Details of original incident, written immediately following, below:

My houseguest Cindy & I were jumped by a band of thugs as we returned from dinner the night she arrived (Sat.). Thieves got phones, datebook (w/ backup contacts), meds, wallets w/ cards & cash, checkbook, keys to house & car, etc.

Police said we were 3rd victims in normally safe ‘nabe (same nite, same MO) .  They pistol-whipped Cindy & broke my right hand; grateful nothing worse & that no guns fired — hanging in as well as possible, given all.

We are both scrambling to put basics back together — not really possible ’til banks & offices open again & new cards and ID’s arrive, which complicates all.  But first we need sleep!

C. located affordable replacement phone in Kentucky (Craigslist), and we *just* returned with phone — almost midnight, she is off trying to activate. Took ALL day & into nite trying to handle sans phone, cash or credit.

I can’t type (dress, cook, or do anything much w/o use of VERY painful right hand) —   EVERYTHING takes me forever sans help – so things will be slow-going for some time.

Things will improve a bit as soon as ONE of us has a phone we can use at will (and she is available to help ME until she can return to Knoxville), but I will have no time or bandwidth to return calls, etc. until we BOTH replace necessary items, deal with locksmiths, etc. — nor will I be able to approve comments or answer ANYONE on blog or email.

This will be my only contact for a while. We’re slammed.

So sorry – and apologize for this post — my only way to contact right now, and slow-going at that. Thanks for your understanding & patience at this time.

God bless, stay safe, keep your eyes open, and don’t carry more than you must (and can afford to lose).

xx,
mgh

About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

45 Responses to NO contact possible: mugged at gunpoint

  1. Erich says:

    Hi, Madelyn- hope you got my voicemail shout-out of encouragement. You are an amazing soul. Great to hear that Peggy visited with you. Rest and heal up- you’re in my prayers. Much love to you!

    Like

    • THANKS, Erich, but unfortunately not (or not yet anyway). Where did you leave it? I still have no access to my “real” phone since I haven’t been able to sherlock WHY I can’t get my replacement iPhone set up (on the 615 number that has been mine for quite some time, the one registered in Tennessee).

      I’m beginning to suspect that maybe the voicemail IS working on that number, since several people have said they left messages I never got — but I have no idea how to access it without a phone connected to the number.

      Please, everyone – don’t suggest a YouTube tutorial on the iPhone 4S. Been there, done that. SEVERAL times. The problem is BEFORE those “how-to”s even begin — getting it REGISTERED.

      To make matters WORSE, my “burner phone” (513 number — “temp” phone since mugging) seems to have a short in the charging mechanism (or something — NEVER buy a cheap burner phone!!)

      I *never* would have believed that I wouldn’t be back on my old number on my replacement phone within a month — I’m passing the 3-month marker now, but I didn’t even GET my replacement phone until month #2. THAT led to the need to jump thru hoops to keep the temp service for longer, following shut-off 3 days before the beginning of the following month, when they told me I needed to send more moola to keep the service on.

      I had to figure out how to do so post-shutoff using ONLY my [non-dominant] left hand, no phone, no car, and no ability to navigate the icy/snowy/slippery steps (etc), a virtual prisoner in my apartment!!!

      This temp phone has been toleration after toleration!! I’ve now used two different chargers. I plug in the phone, a message comes on screen telling me “phone charging” – then disappears and the screen goes blank in a few moments, as always — some kind of “power saving” maneuver.

      BUT, it’s still dead after [supposedly] charging all night. I don’t even have enough juice to turn the &^*$# thing ON. I get a little tune, a Cincy Bell screen, then return to black. grrrrrrr

      I’d return it for an exchange or an upgrade if I could figure out how to do that. Since I had a broken hand at the time it was purchased [unset, btw] and was in quite a lot of pain, distracting me from attempts to pay attention amid the u-turns etc. that my friend and fellow mug-ee Cindy performed as we tried to find a place to BUY a temp phone before everything closed), I have NO IDEA where we ended up.

      All I can recall is that it was basically a “hole in the wall” kind of store next to some fast-food chain with a name that reminded me of NYC (something like Grand Central, or Penn Station). Yeah, THAT will be easy to find!

      MEANWHILE, Cincinnati Bell probably shut me off again – seems to happen at every changing of the month, *never* on the day they SAID I would have to pay again. THEN I have to set up the voicemail all over again – and any messages left meanwhile will have disappeared.

      =====================
      NEXT IDEA:
      When my young, tech-savvy [but tough to get “focused”] friend Jason returns from work in an hour or so, I plan to throw myself on his mercy (iPhone in hand!). If it weren’t raining I’d go sit on his front stoop and ambush him!
      =====================

      Just a snapshot of my life since the mugging – hoop after hoop to jump through in an attempt to return my life to some semblance of “normal.”

      I WOULD think that the tech-gods had it in for me alone, but my TBI advocate buddy Edie is struggling with something similar. I go read her post re: same whenever I begin to personalize — Modern technology is great when it works … Technology Tolerance Test <==link.

      Thanks for taking the time to attempt to reach me — by voicemail, and especially by comment HERE. Cross fingers, this has been my most reliable communication platform through it all (email? don’t even ASK!)
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  2. Madelyn, I just finished reading the updates and comments. When I finished I noticed the note at the top “read from the bottom to the top” … but you humor me because I think I started somewhere in the middle!LOL I was happy to hear you were able to spend a little time away with friends. Do know I’m keeping you in though and prayer as your hand continues to recover but the emotional trauma may linger a little longer. Bones heal quicker then tendons so as you spend time with occupational therapy you’ll be moving in the right direction.

    I respect our occupational therapists, and they usually understand the complexity of injuries and the holistic person. They are usually very personable, kind, compassionate, understanding, and good listeners. If your therapists doesn’t fit this criteria, ask for another. Rehabilitation is hard work, but it’s helpful when you get everything you need. Ask to find out what type of clients the occupational therapists usually deal with. When making your appointment request for an experienced occupational therapist who deals with those who have gone through traumatic injuries (both emotional and physical). Make sure you are your own advocate and push for everything … it’s your hand and your life. Don’t sell yourself short, by settling for anything less. You deserve the best.

    Take care and stay safe, Edie

    Like

    • Trying to handle comments from my dashboard, I have lost track of what I’ve replied to and what I haven’t!! Please forgive me if I haven’t acknowledged each and every one of your amazingly thoughtful and encouraging comments. You are an THE best advocate anyone could wish for: authentically encouraging, empathetic (and sympathetic – which, in contrast to a lot of my peers, I DO believe is important and warranted)– everything the doctor [never] ordered!! (but “should” have 🙂 )

      READERS: If you have not been to Edie’s site to see what she has available for anyone struggling with TBI issues to *any* degree, you really MUST. We are so lucky to have her as a resource.
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  3. Wow, I had no idea… I am so sorry to hear about everything you’ve had to endure. Rest up and heal well. I’m glad to hear you’re on the mend, but geez… That’s awful.

    Like

    • Thanks – except for the tail end of a rotten head-cold, I’m doing much better – but I’m *certainly* not looking forward to doing all it will take to make myself play catch-up!!!!

      Hope all is GREAT with you – thanks for checking in over here.
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

      • Well, it beats the alternative of not being able to catch up at all… Things are good here. Moving forward 🙂

        Like

        • Most days I agree with that “beating the alternative” part — some days I want to pull the covers up over my head and go down with the ship! (bet you’ve been there too).

          Seriously tho’ – you’ve hit a sore spot, I believe, for many of us who have to play catch up — the terror that we will never be able to DO it, no matter how fast we run with whatever we have left after whatever happened to us.

          And perhaps we are right. Perhaps “catch up” applies to work products, housework and bills (etc), but is t-totally the wrong focus for LIVES. Perhaps what’s called for is a re-arming and re-aiming of ourselves, based on what’s available in the present and what we really want NOW.

          Glad things are good with you. I’m moving (so I guess that’s forward!) 😮 xx, mgh

          Like

          • I think sometimes we would never realize the other options we have for how to live our lives, if we weren’t forced to find them.

            Detours aren’t all bad, I suppose…

            Cheers

            Like

            • More’s the pity. I’m still trying to figure out how to learn my lessons the EASY way. 🙂

              Like

            • And that’s a good sign. At least you know better! 🙂

              Like

            • Yeah, but information is the BOOBY PRIZE! ::lol::

              Like

  4. I;m so glad you are on the mend! Madelyn,you are so inspiring in the way that you can work through this difficult situation by sharing your vulnerabilities and using your strengths, at the same time.
    I would love to touch base with you. I misplaced your phone number, so can we connect by email

    Like

    • I don’t know how I missed this before, Louise, but I JUST found it doing some “backstage” blog housekeeping – abject apologies. I just sent you my phone number by private email (and a link to this comment) — so look for it, should you find this first.

      And THANK YOU SO MUCH for this comment.
      I can’t tell you what a relief it is to hear that my disclosures are “inspiring” rather than daunting.

      Talk soon!
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  5. wendy says:

    I have seen you comment often on Edie’s blog, brain injury self rehabilitation, I had no idea you were going through such a traumatic time. I recently broke my foot, was alone at home, can’t drive, and had to find someone….anyone who could take me to the ER the next day. I’ve been chronically ill for a while and am very dependent on the kindness of others….but I very often don’t get it. I had to reach out to a “friend” I hadn’t seen in a couple of years due to my illnesses. She didn’t understand anything, she was so anxious in the ER to go home it made me sick….literally. She then dropped me off at my house and left. Didn’t even make sure I got to a seat, or had anything I needed. I couldn’t walk! I have balance issues and couldn’t have crutches.

    I’m not comparing my little injury to yours, I simply wanted to say, people often just don’t get it. They say things that are thoughtless, or they treat people who are ill or hurt like it’s their own fault. Or as I was told once after a series of treatments (the treatments worked in the beginning) “stupidity is continuing to try something over and over and expecting a different outcome.” So I’m stupid? I’m expecting the original outcome…oh bosh! People say thoughtless things. It’s sad.

    We do have great attitudes. You have been though so much, and you are looking forward to the future and getting your life back together. You are amazing!

    I started going to therapy to help me handling my new found dependence….I was always so independent. And to handle how my illnesses have changed me, and my friendships. Everything has changed.

    Thank you for sharing your story, and your heart. Feeling no longer safe is a hard thing to handle. We can only be so careful.

    I’ve been so worried about not being safe out there in the world I’ve been mostly isolated for quite some time. I’m working on it. that’s the best I can do.

    Stay just as you are. You are amazing!
    Sending healing and caring thoughts your way.
    wendy

    Like

    • Wendy – you are an amazing example of what I have continued to discover about people throughout my life: those who have been blessed with “much” tend to give little and empathize less — those with much less are miraculously generous and empathic.

      Thank you SO much for taking time from your own difficulties with life to be generous to me. As you have discovered yourself, the gifts of kindness and time are SO healing when offered, and stunningly painful when absent. I especially appreciate your taking the time to share some of what you have experienced to let me know that your words come from a similar experience of lack of autonomy in the face of a lack of empathy from those upon whom you have no choice but to depend. It sucks, doesn’t it? Especially when it would take so little from them to make a HUGE difference in the life of someone who needed help.

      I am so sorry that your experience with your “friend” was so unthinking (on your “friend’s” part) and, ultimately, cruel — regardless of how s/he might chose to justify the behavior. As I’m sure must be obvious from some of my articles here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com, lack of empathy has always angered me, but my recent experiences have turned that anger to rage. As I work on dealing with it in a healthy manner so that I can move on, comments like yours are more helpful than you know.

      It does not sound to me that your injury was so “little;” I, too, had almost a year when I could not walk (although I was fortunate to have loving friends who REALLY helped me get through that difficult period, much earlier in my life). Yet you are right (and kind) when you say that our experiences do not “compare.” Each of us on this earth has our own unique emotional reactions to whatever we experience, and none of us can say we know how another feels. Our experiences do, however, give us a jumping off point for empathy and kindness. Perhaps that is the problem with those who seem self-absorbed to the exclusion of an awareness that others need something that would be relatively easy for them to give: life has not knocked them around ENOUGH.

      I thank God I am not damaged to the point that I jump on their cruel bandwagons to actively wish them a taste of whatever it would take to open their eyes. But I DO worry that my first initial reaction to hearing that they were thrust into a personal experience where they needed kindness that was withheld from them might be, “Karma’s a bitch, huh?” rather than the automatic pull toward empathy that has been my experience in the past.

      That I might lose my mooring to my Values as I struggle to recover my life is actually my greatest fear right now. The kindness of your comment gives me hope that I will not lose my Self in the struggle, and for that I thank you more than I can say.

      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  6. Reblogged this on braininjuryselfrehabilitation and commented:
    I’ve been behind on everything,and I’m sad about the recent assault I’ve just read. Remember, even during our own ups-and-downs in life our readers are in thought and prayers. So many things have been happening but please read what has happened to my dear friend “Madelyn” at Addandsomuchmore.com. She helps others. It’s time we help her. Suggestions anyone? Just dropping a note or reading her posts is a kind and thoughtful g

    Like

    • Thanks for the reblog, Edie – one of your readers has already commented here, and her kindness brought tears to my eyes. I left a comment on your reblog as well, You are the BEST!!
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  7. Madelyn,

    My heart sank when I finally got around to reading here. I’ve never forgotten you during my time I’ve been taking care of myself and trying to stay safe and keep my family safe after written treats, etc.. (not something I want to expand on here). Safety we often take for granted, until we loose it then I think that definition changes because the “feelings” of safety just don’t return. We don’t realize that safety is the core of our existence…a basic need. But, I’m distraught that others can’t help or don’t help. Of course here I am, not doing anything to help you!

    I’m going to read on and see how you are doing now, but long after your physical injuries and all the “clean-up” of notifying banks, changing locks, updating everything the emotional insecurities will still be lingering all due to the violation of one’s own personal safety. This literally makes me sick. You spend your entire life helping others, while criminals are lurking to destroy someone in less then a fraction of a section.

    Do know I am keeping you and your friend in my thoughts and prayers. I don’t know if you have any aquatic facilities around, but it certainly helps with natural healing process of even the unknown injuries. Take care and stay safe, Edie

    Like

    • Thanks Edie. Until the snow clears I am pretty much in solitary confinement on what feels like house arrest.

      My replacement phone has finally arrived and I’m hoping to be able to figure out how to get it connected so that my old number is finally working again this week. We’ll see. The service on my temporary phone is pretty lousy, as is the tenuous connection through the lousy service provided by Cincinnati Bell – I can’t WAIT to get back to Verizon so I don’t feel so isolated.

      Further damage to my hand (like from a slip on icy ground) will mean an operation, pins, and starting the healing process all over again. I doubt my mental health would recover from a more protracted period of a complete loss of autonomy, so right now I can’t even chance a walk down the icy steps to the icy street to catch a cab, even to the grocery store – and I know that you, of all people, understand what I mean by the need to protect my mental health above all.

      My bones are healed to the point where I can remove my new cast for longer periods than the time to bathe now, and I am typing for exercise — it is a slow process as the ligaments begin to recover.

      I still cannot use my right hand very well. It took two solid days to edit and post my recent article, drafted in December. It was good therapy for me to attempt it, but there is SO much to put back in place before I will be “back.”

      Once I can get out again, I will begin to rebuild my life and investigate therapies of various sorts. Right now I am trying to hang on, deal with chronic post-mugging anxiety and the depression of isolation, and not doing ANYTHING to make anything worse.

      Thanks for caring. You stay safe too!
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  8. What do I think? I think you are pretty marvelous! Keep doing whatever works for YOU and not just what “They” say works for everybody!

    Like

    • You are WONDERFUL, kiddo — and your support is MUCH appreciated, greatly needed, and in surprisingly short supply.

      I feel like I have been in solitary confinement for 6 weeks – lonely, hungry, desperate, totally helpless, anxious, and wondering when all the energy I have spent in the lives of others will come back to me.

      If not NOW, when?

      Rethinking all I have done in my life and what I will do with the rest of it. Demoralized. Probably relocating as SOON as I have firmed up plans for out-of-state move – formerly planned to be end of summer/early fall.

      Planning to support ONLY those who support back going forward. Feeling naive and dumb, dumb, dumb.

      On the bright side, I’ve lost 15 pounds on this hunger diet. Cool, huh?
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

      • Friends, let me tell you about friends…They are way overrated! That blues favorite, “Nobody knows you when you’re down and out” rang true in my case as well. You should have seen how they all turned on me if they came around at all. They disappeared faster than a drop of water on a hot skillet! Friends, humph!

        Like

        • Erich says:

          In which case, these people aren’t friends at all- more like groupies or hangers-on, but NOT friends. Friends show up when everybody else bugs out. Madelyn, I wish I was close enough to show up for you, since you have showed up with brilliance and compassion for a lot of struggling people. Please know we’re with you in spirit, and that the senseless complaints of others are meaningless NOISE.

          Like

          • THANK YOU — both of you!! My hand is getting stronger, so I won’t be t-totally helpless much longer, I hope. I appreciate your supportive comments more than I can say.

            We ALL do the best we can at all times – its just that the “best” of some of us falls terribly short. I don’t understand it, it hurts like hell when someone we thought was a friend lets us down, but we don’t have to allow them to continue to do it, right? EVERYONE is not like that.
            xx,
            mgh

            Like

            • Susan Lasky says:

              You are such a fighter, in the best possible way. Glad your physical injuries are improving and wish I were near wherever you live, to give you a hug for the rest, and to bring over some groceries!

              Like

            • Thanks Susan. I’m starting to feel more like an agoraphobic than a fighter, and don’t know what I am going to do next, but this can’t last forever, right? I appreciate knowing that I haven’t been forgotten. Thanks for caring.
              xx,
              mgh

              Like

            • Sorry to bother you, but I don’t know who else to ask? I am trying to post another article on WordPress. I cannot get it to show up in my edit screen to add pictures or make corrections. there is nothing, I’ve looked for a hide button somewhere, but cannot find one. None of my blogs are showing up…have you ever run into this problem? I wanted to send them an e-mail describing what happened but WordPress is not accessible. HELP if you are able!

              Like

            • I have never experienced that particular problem and, without seeing it, can’t help much. Perhaps the one file is corrupted somehow?

              Can you copy and paste the contents into a new article and save THAT one so you can work with it?

              With cursor anywhere in the text itself, control+A to highlight the entire thing, then control+C to copy it to your clipboard – THEN open a new post [Add New] and use the “T” [for insert text option – or the “W” to retain some formatting] that you will find at the top of the edit screen. Put your cursor inside and do control+V to copy the entire thing, then scroll to the bottom to insert it into the new post. Finally, save the entire thing.

              I can’t recall for sure, but I think you can email one of the “Happiness Engineers” from WordPress using help@wordpress.com. If that bounces, go to the “help” section on WordPress.com and search for “contact wordpress” to email — or leave a message in a post (another WordPress user might be able to help you there, and somebody from WPress itself will eventually respond.)

              Sorry I can’t be more help.
              xx,
              mgh

              PS. can you save ANYTHING and get it to show up? Try that first, to see if there’s a more fundamental problem.

              Like

  9. So Sorry to hear about this.
    Just get well and we can talk later.

    Like

    • thx – will call soonest — so GLAD you saw this!!
      xx,
      mgh

      Like

  10. Steve says:

    I pray both of you have a quick and complete recovery. I am interested in your
    classes and counseling so I will stay patient as you recuperate.
    All the best to you.

    Like

    • TO ALL!!!!!

      u R all WONDERFUL!!

      FINALLY got cast on yesterday – no ID proof & holiday closings made things slow & complex.

      It will be a while B4 all back in place. I’m ok othrwise — if a bit jumpy! 🙂

      Left hand learning oh-so-slowly slowly & no time to locate an asst yet (try logitech trackball mousing w/ non-dominant hand as you hunt & peck — long-time touch typists have NO idea where the keys are 😦

      BRIGHT SIDE: Gotta’ be GREAT 4 neurogenisis, huh?

      xx,
      mgh

      Like

      • Great attitude MGH!

        Like

        • workin’ on it – struggling – and later I will be stronger for it. Tough lessons here that I wish I never had to learn.
          xx,
          mgh

          Like

  11. Susan Lasky says:

    SO sorry to hear this, and so angry that people think it is ok to do this stuff.
    Heal quickly, in both body and soul.

    Like

  12. Hi Madelyn, I just read about the horrible thing that happened. We can postpone the coaching
    until later. Wishing you all the rest and support that you can get at this time!

    Like

  13. jeg700 says:

    Oh no! How terrible for you:( the thoughts that must be whirling around in your head must be making you dizzy! I hope all your recovery efforts are successful. Take care.

    Like

    • Hi Madelyn I hope you’re feeling better; you seem like wonderful person.

      Like

  14. Erich says:

    Madelyn, it’s kinda too bad you killed your old number- had a plan to call the s#**#@d who stole it, and, in my best impression of John Reese from “Person of Interest,” tell him ‘drop the phone, or just drop: your choice.’ Now THAT woulda been hot (& soooo satisfying)!

    Like

  15. Erich says:

    F*#### BASTARDS!!!!!! PUNK-ASS COWARDS!!!!! Let me face off with just one of ’em, if he ain’t 6’1″ and 200, and I’d really like to reset HIS chronorhythms to 2005! Play a little four-wall ricochet with his face! People who do this just utterly enrage me!

    Like

  16. Hi Madelyn, I have been wondering why I hadn’t heard from you, please get things straightened out to your satisfaction and take care of all that ails you. Be good to yourself and always be safe…isn’t that what Edy would say?

    Like

  17. Hi Madelyn, I have been wondering why I hadn’t heard from you, please get things straightened out to your satisfaction and take care of all that ails you. Take care of yourself and always be safe…isn’t that what Edy would say?

    By the way, Stephanie, loves her CP, I have to send you some pics.

    Like

  18. Glen Hogard says:

    3rd attempt: There is nothing to say when bad things happen to good people. Not in 25 words or less. Call me when you get back in “stasis” and tell your amygdala you noticed but that danger is over and it needs to let you use your PFC fully! There must be something in the Southern Ohio water as the last year and a half have hit our coaching family hard.

    Like

  19. janetkwest says:

    I’m so sorry to hear that. Rest up girl. It will all be waiting for you when you get back.

    Like

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