ADD/ADHD and TIME: will ANYthing work?
Tuesday, August 28, 2012 16 Comments
Time Management Tips and Tricks
by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
PART ONE of two: In support of The Challenges Inventory™ Series
Like I said in an older article, “Listening for Time Troubles – struggles with time and follow through,” a great many ADDers have trouble with T-I-M-E.
• We run out of it
• We are continually surprised by it, and
• More than a few times we seem to be completely unaware of it.
All ADD Coaches worthy of the term must remain aware that Listening For and Languaging to your clients’ awareness of time, and their relationship to time (oh yes, my friends, they most certainly DO have one) almost always involves some serious sleuthing on the part of the coach!
However . . .
Lest I be accused of keeping all the good stuff for the carriage trade (remaining mindful of the need to avoid joining the “Ten Time Tips that will Pay your Mortgage and put hair on your grandfather’s chest” crowd), I’m going to share five underlying principles that I listen for and try to language to my clients and students.
I’ll even tell YOU what I tell them – 5 System Basics – but few clients ever really hear me the first couple dozen times, so don’t be too surprised when some of these basics float right past you too.
Let ’em simmer in your brain’s slow-cooker — as long as you don’t actively resist, fighting the ideas or ruminating over the thoughts that yet ANOTHER person simply doesn’t get it, you will be one step closer to getting a handle on this time thing.
Even when you’re desperate, change is just flat-out HARD!
Remember – links on this site are dark grey to reduce distraction potential
while you’re reading. They turn red on mouseover.
ADD/EFD ain’t EASY!
If you read more than a few articles here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com, you will begin suspect that I’m not particularly fond of tips and tricks — and you’ll be absolutely right about that.
For the most part, they don’t work.
The neurotypical advice almost always scratches where it doesn’t itch. The reasons they don’t do things are seldom the reasons we don’t.
And then they fire the “resistance” salvo our way — and we fight the urge to do something that will send us to prison for life as they sing another rousing chorus of the “you’re-not-really-trying” hymn of the republic.
Even most of the ADD/EFD-flavored tips and tricks miss as many flavors of ADD/EFD as they catch. It is simply impossible for anybody to write a book that handles all situations for all people – at least not a book anyone could lift. I know. I’ve tried. (Why do you think my articles are so darned long, linked to so many others to cover each individual point in yet another long post?)
So, for the most part, most of the tips and tricks books don’t really work for a great many of us.
WHEN they don’t work, it shuts us down.
We self-flagellate (then ruminate endlessly)
- Didn’t I do this right, or am I missing a key point — AGAIN?
- Everybody thinks I just don’t want to succeed, and that’s just not true!
- Will I ever get a clue?
- What’s wrong with me?
- NOW what am I going to do?
We get defensive (then go on the offensive)
- This book got great reviews, how was I supposed to know it was crap?
- I work a full-time job and have primary responsibility for 3 kids: meals, laundry, school activities, sick days — how am I supposed to squeeze all these lists and things into my day? Who is this written for – ladies who lunch?
- Yada, yada, yada, YADA!
Ultimately, we come back to where we started, concluding that “fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants” management is the most we can ever hope for – until the next time, that is, that things get SO unmanageable that we fall prey to yet another tips and tricks ploy.
Can you tell I’ve been there?
I finally figured out WHY all those tips and tricks didn’t work for me: they weren’t written for ME,
they were a compilation of items that worked for the author (who was, very likely, NOTHING like me!). [See Why Tips and Tricks Fail for more]
Once I learned that the root of my chronic disorganization had a NAME, and began to look at everything through The ADD Lens™ things began, ever so slowly, to come under my control. Simply having a diagnosis shifted my shifted my expectations.
“How many times can we keep trying until we decide it’s impossible?
It’s a coach’s job to avoid sending their ADD/EFDers off to tilt at windmills. That means, you absolutely must DETERMINE THE CAUSE before you begin to work on solutions.
How much sense does THAT make!!”
But what do you do if you don’t HAVE a coach?
Do whatever you can to remedy that sad situation. You simply must.
Dr. Edward Hallowell has been quoted many times saying that, “[ADD] Coaching is the single most effective tool for ADD self-management” — FOR A REASON!
Coaching may well be “optional” for many, but those of us with “alphabet disorders” (ADD, EFT, TBI, PTSD, OCD, etc.) need the externalization of our prefrontal cortex activities as much as a sailboat needs ballast to keep it from tipping over in the first substantial gust of wind.
And not just any coach – a comprehensively trained, brain-based ADD coach — a coach who has been trained to listen for EFD issues, and understands how to coach them!
Don’t “cheap out” on yourSelf
(and don’t let money be a stopper)
- If you can’t afford the fees that professional coaches charge, ask about the possibility of a reduced rate. Many of us maintain a few sliding-scale slots, simply because we KNOW how important that external PFC support can be.
- If you can’t afford even the low rates that many of us slide to, apply for coaching with a student, mentored through an coaching intern program — or go for Group Coaching.
- If even that is beyond your budget, check out, sign up or get on the waiting list for my next really-low-fee PEER Coaching Basic Training. (click here for information) Start looking around for a buddy who’s in the same situation — the two of you can trade accountability coaching forevermore. (You don’t even need to take the class, by the way, but it does help increase the effectiveness of what you do together quite a bit).
MEANWHILE . . .
Coming up are some essential concepts that need to be in place before you stand a prayer of a chance — really!
Don’t beat yourself up about that reality, use it as a lever to adjust your expectations appropriately, and to help you to figure out where you need to concentrate your
time and effort ASAP (accent on the “P”ossible).
Trying to systematize a life without the basics is like trying to
to start a car that’s out of gas.
- Agonizing isn’t going to make a bit of difference.
- Neither will “voting” – you may not like the idea, they may not like the idea. Sorry Charlie, it is simply what’s so
- Hearing what a doofus you’ve been for not focusing on that little gas detail (especially hearing it internally) will shut you down and delay you further.
- Go for the gas.
Like a mantra: essential concepts need to be accepted – with systems and work-arounds in place – before you stand a prayer of a chance.
Working effectively within the boundaries of time is an exercise in systematizing.
- There are a lot of pieces to that systematizing concept.
- “Pieces” require juggling, cognitively.
- Cognitive juggling is highly PFC intensive [prefrontal cortex]
- Guess where the ADD/EFD/TBI/PTSD
- brain is most impaired? YOU GOT IT – the PFC.
- Don’t make it harder than it is already – make friends with the upcoming concepts.
UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS WARNING:
The upcoming five concepts that will begin to put some gas in your car are simply that: FUEL.
Until you make sure your “car” has fuel, you can’t do much about checking to see if the starter needs fixing. You may also learn you need to adjust the steering mechanism. Oh yeah, and you certainly won’t get very far on lousy tires.
- You don’t expect your car to magically transform with a little gas, do you?
- How about a whole tank full of gas?
- How about gas and four new tires?
Try to remember that the next time the beatings begin, as well as when you feel defensive and become offensive.
You can’t eat an elephant in a day — EVEN if you take tiny bites.
In Part Two of this article, we’ll talk details about those Five Systems Basics. Scroll down for other related articles here and elsewhere.
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If you’d like some one-on-one (or group) coaching help with anything that came up while you were reading this article (either for your own life, that of a loved one, or as coaching skills development), click the E-me link <—here (or on the menubar at the top of every page) and I’ll get back to you ASAP (accent on the “P”ossible!)
Related Content on ADDandSoMuchMore.com
You might also be interested in some of the following Coaching Skills and Practical Application articles
For links to still more: run your cursor over the article above and the dark grey links (subtle, so they don’t distract you) will turn dark red; AND check out the links to Related Content in each of the articles below
- TIME to think about Group Coaching
- Listening for Time Troubles
- ADD and Time: 5 System Basics
- TIME Mapping Your Universe
- My Wrinkle in Time: HOW does time fly?
- What IS Time? (2013 Flame Challenge)
- Distinguishing Distractibility
- Distinguishing Can’t from Won’t
- Changing the frame changes the view
- Shifting your Come-From
- Expectations of Success shift
- Naming the Game
- Listening from Belief
Related articles around the ‘net
- Life Management Skills for Adult ADHD (everydayhealth.com)
- Puttering, Frittering Away a Lifetime (capeadhd.wordpress.com)
- Experts Share Solutions to Their ADHD Obstacles (psychcentral.com)
- 10 Tips To Organize An ADHD Friendly Home (howtolearn.com)
- Managing ADHD: Getting Ready to Begin to Prepare to Start (christinehammondcounseling.wordpress.com)
- The Disorganized Mind (corepsychblog.com)
- Surefire Strategies That Don’t Work for ADHD – And… (psychcentral.com)