ADD Thanksgiving Rules

The ADD/ADHD Post Thanksgiving Rules*

by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC

*With a nod and congrats to Dr. Charles Parker, whose ADHD Medication Rules
hit #1 on Amazon in both Neuroscience and Psychopharmacology!!  Check it out!


SO THANKFUL for Philip Martin’s generosity with his artwork


See the smiling creature presiding over a platter full of a feast’s worth of turkey and vegetables?

For all the ADDers who don’t pay attention to such things — and, where Turkey Day is concerned, let’s conscript anyone who wasn’t doing the Turkey Trot him or herself (um, by the way, I’m not referring to the RUN!) — let’s take a moment to be thankful for the hostess (aka, chief cook and bottle washer).

Bless her ever-lovin’ turkey-basting heart, she probably planned, and cleaned, and shopped, and cleaned, and cooked and baked (and cleaned) with most of her spare time for a solid week prior to our collective “please pass more of that amazing gravy” orgasm.
(Did I remember to mention the time she spent cleaning?).

And no sooner were the rest of us patting our tummies and swearing we couldn’t eat so much as another bite, she was at it again — clearing the table, scraping and rinsing the plates, loading the dishwasher (if she’s lucky enough to have one*), and doling out dessert forks and plates while attempting to excavate The Detritus of Turkey Past to locate a teensy stretch of counter space large enough to make the coffee, cut the pies and whip some cream.

Oh yeah, did I mention the cleaning part of this
particular movement of the Turkey Tarentella?

And almost before the last little plate hits the table, she’s back to the verse: clear the table, scrape and rinse the plates, load the dishwasher (if she’s lucky enough to have one), hand-wash the stuff that won’t fit, all the while praying she gets things under control before the next wave knocks her off her feet (aaahhhh, sweet relief!).

THEN what?

More pie?
But of COURSE, my dear, your wish is my command!
And it’s back to the scullery for the maid.

She lives to serve.

Parcel the Plastic

Penultimately comes the time to dish out the leftovers for those who need to leave immediately after dinner because THEY have long drives home, don’cha know [hug, hug, kiss-kiss, you too, safe home].

Then it’s back to the kitchen to put the leftover leftovers in their own little plastic condos and rearrange the ‘fridge for the eighteenth time this week to make room for everything that needs to fit inside that big cool box to keep, according to the CDC, little beasties from multiplying to food poisoning proportions.

And JUST about the time everything is under control the second wave lands on her beach.

I find it amazing we don’t get more Post-Prandial Press on emergency room bloat due to Turkey Moms everywhere losing it totally, delivering Karate Kid kicks to semi-conscious butts sticking out of refrigerators all over America!!  

Are you feeling sufficiently guilty yet?

Great!  Because THAT nasty feeling is what the ADD Post Thanksgiving Rules are designed to take care of!

Besides, like most of the rest of America, I’m sure you did some little something.
Maybe you even did it graciously — or without being asked!

Hey, you might be one of the 10% who wiped the crumbs off the counter and put away the milk and the Miracle Whip™ before you wandered off with your first I-have-room-for-just-a-little-more sandwich.  

And I’ll bet you brought those dishes back to the kitchen and took care of them yourself, rather than leaving them on the counter for Turkey Mom to handle, didn’t you?

Perhaps you are EVEN one of the ones who consider yourself Galley-Slave #1.  
‘Sokay — I promise that Turkey Mom did a hundred times more than you noticed.
(If you don’t believe me, ask the Turkey Mom in your house — even if, in your house, “Mom” is actually Dad!)

So, guess what?

Turkey Mom gets this week t-totally OFF:  no cooking for others, no cleaning up after others, and absolutely NO step-and-fetch-it for anybody else what-so-ever!

Hey — stuff your oppositional ADD reaction — that’s THE
(everything ELSE is a codicil) 

So you know what THAT means, don’t you?  Everybody else gets to chip in to take responsibility (jointly) for what Turkey Mom does all by her lonesome the entire rest of the year.

Hey – that means YOU, Mister as-soon-as-I-finish-updating-my-FaceBook-profile!
How else do you think you develop true appreciation and gratitude?

  • If you didn’t begin your Remembrance of Turkey Past AM emptying the dishwasher (if Mom is lucky enough to have one*), or finishing yesterday’s dishes by hand . . . 
    turn off the tube and go do it right now!
  • Eating left-overs?  Put everything back in the ‘fridge, closing the left-over containers securely first, wipe those crumbs off the counter, rinse the make-me-a-sammie cutlery and put it in the empty dishwasher (or wash, dry and put away if Mom is NOT lucky enough to have one*), and while you’re working on KP, let Mom enjoy that sandwich  — delivered with a big thank you kiss!
    (Hmmmm – next time I bet you remember to make one for her while you make one for yourself, huh?)
  • Not hungry yet?  How about working up an appetite by stripping the guest beds and throwing the sheets in the wash (along with the Thanksgiving table cloth, pot holders, guest towels — get the idea?)
    Be sure to set a timer so you don’t forget to take them out and throw them in the dryer — and another to remember to go back to grab ’em when they’re dry.

    Big-time Bonus: folding laundry is a GREAT front-of-the-tube task — and taking the piles where they belong is a great way to work up an appetite for another plate of leftovers!

  • Little kids in your house?  Don’t forget who gets to handle their little chores this week, OK?


She’s gonna’ NEED that rest and recovery time to get ready for what comes next!

  • Starting TODAY, Turkey Mom has exactly one month before she has to do it all again for Christmas!
  • Hanukah Moms have even less time to get it together for the next round of holidays!
It’s REALLY not smart to resist doing whatever you can to revive her in time to take advantage of those post Thanksgiving Sales!!
*btw- If it hasn’t already occurred to you, send SOMEBODY out to brave the crowds of Black Friday
to buy that poor woman a DISHWASHER!
UPDATE: CLICK HERE FOR: 11/27/11 ARTICLE detailing issues raised in article comments below
ADHD, Big Pharma, and The Non-Science of Denial

CLICK to go to the homepage of Dr. Charles Parker’s Blog – where you can read about ADD/ADHD Medication Rules — AND more!

About Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC
Award-winning ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching field co-founder; [life] Coaching pioneer -- Neurodiversity Advocate, Coach, Mentor & Poster Girl -- Multi-Certified -- 25 years working with EFD [Executive Functioning disorders] and struggles in hundreds of people from all walks of life. I developed and delivered the world's first ADD-specific coach training curriculum: multi-year, brain-based, and ICF Certification tracked. In addition to my expertise in ADD/EF Systems Development Coaching, I am known for training and mentoring globally well-informed ADD Coach LEADERS with the vision to innovate, many of the most visible, knowledgeable and successful ADD Coaches in the field today (several of whom now deliver highly visible ADD coach trainings themselves). For almost a decade, I personally sponsored and facilitated seven monthly, virtual and global, no-charge support and information groups The ADD Hours™ - including The ADD Expert Speakers Series, hosting well-known ADD Professionals who were generous with their information and expertise, joining me in my belief that "It takes a village to educate a world." I am committed to being a thorn in the side of ADD-ignorance in service of changing the way neurodiversity is thought about and treated - seeing "a world that works for everyone" in my lifetime. Get in touch when you're ready to have a life that works BECAUSE of who you are, building on strengths to step off that frustrating treadmill "when 'wanting to' just doesn't get it DONE!"

19 Responses to ADD Thanksgiving Rules

  1. Pingback: Friday Fun: Happy Thanksgiving! | ADD . . . and-so-much-more

  2. Pingback: Happy Turkey Day! | ADD . . . and-so-much-more

  3. Pingback: ADHD Medications - The Non-Science of Denial - CorePsych CorePsych

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    • Thanks. I appreciate the endorsement, despite the fact that you left it in April on an a holiday post — an American holiday we celebrate America-wide, primarily in America and only in November — and that the comment itself mimics those that have been through comment spinners.

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  5. Pingback: CorePsych | ADHD, Big Pharma, and The Non-Science of Denial

  6. Pingback: ADHD, Big Pharma and Significant Non-Science | CorePsych Blog

    • [mgh comment: clicking on the “ADHD, Big Pharma” pingback (above) will take you to Dr. Charles Parker’s CorePsyche Blog for a FASCINATING “history lesson” that will explain A LOT about where medications complaints began, what’s current, what needs to be thought through more completely, and what’s utter nonsense! Worth your time!]

      While you’re over there, click around — LOT’s of good stuff on that site – including a link where you can get your very own copy of Dr. Parker’s acclaimed ADHD Medication Rules [And NO – I don’t get a toaster (or anything) for letting you know! ::grin::]


  7. Glen Hogard says:

    Great post for the paternistic oriented household. Unfortunatlly, most “traditional” households still have sex-based catagories like “women’s work” and “a man’s job”. In my house, I do the vacuuming, car based things (oil/air pressure checks/battery check/parts/cleaning), clean the bathrooms, and also: the dishes!

    However, by the time I had finished eating (just the two of us) my wife had already put the dishes in the dishwasher!. But I did get to clean the baked-on stuff the washer didn’t get-she never scrubs-rinses first and I never complain about it.

    But for most (?) traditional families, this strategy of showing appreciation by giving the cooker-clelaner a week off, and showing gratefullness by doing what is usually taken for granted and done by a non-complaining house-droid most of the year is little compensation/appreciation enough for the true value of all the myriad tasks and organizing done by the “home general”.
    Glen Hogard dot com


    • Well of COURSE – nobody lives like that – poor Turkey Mom doesn’t even get the day AFTER T-day off, more’s the pity — the entire post was a hyperbole. (The women I know are generally pretty BUSHED at the end of the day – so an homage to the galley-slave seemed like a fun break from the heavier stuff I’ve been writing lately.)

      When I got CP’s news I Googled “Thanksgiving Rules” – hoping to be able to write something vamping off someone else’s post (once I made the link to “Medcation Rules”) – but they were pretty “over-it” sounding — I wanted to do a light-handed approach to the topic that others were treating rah-ther seriously! (Did you click the links?) I also threw in the “even if the Turkey Mom in your house is Dad,” hoping to sound a little less sexist (lol).

      I was hoping that everyone would KNOW I had my tongue planted firmly in my cheek when they got to the end (that we want to make SURE that Turkey Mom got plenty of R&R so she has the energy to shop for Christmas or Hanukkah presents!)

      Mostly, I wanted to pass along CPs accomplishment — not that he needs MY help, but when I read his “number one in 2 categories on Amazon,” I wanted to make SURE my readers, at least, were aware that it’s not ALL bad news in ADD-land. It bodes well for the field that this info is so well received, and I want to fan that flame!! CP’s not shy about getting the word out, but there are only so many times you can announce something like that yourSELF without sounding like an egomaniac — and none of us get enough acknowledgment.

      I SO appreciate YOUR supportive posts, Glen – they make a huge difference to my energy many days (but I ADD-out and it seem’s it’s bedtime and I’m plooped and I still haven’t sent you a big kiss.) Please forgive me – you deserve AT LEAST one!! ALSO, I owe you a big-time thank you for turning me on to cp. It takes a village, huh?

      HAPPY THANKSGIVING – I’m grateful for YOU! (I’m also “jealous” that you had a date-nite T-giving. They’re my fav!) — but then I’d have to actually DATE, which is not likely to get off the bottom of my list for at least a year ::grin:: I’ve got some catch-up to play first.

      I had a lovely Thanksgiving with the Ramundo family (Kate & Paul went to her brother’s horse farm in Va.). The rest of our small band dined at Ali’s ex-roommate Caroline’s new house – and THAT WOMAN CAN COOK! Actually, Alison and Caroline were our Turkey Moms – Rob brought the bird, and Caroline’s Mom made the gravy (which often falls to me); Peggy and I brought WINE, bodey-odey — so I’m taking myself to task as much as anyone else (she DOES have a dishwasher, however!)

      ANYWAY – NEXT year I’ll get the ADD Thanksgiving Rules out — I had to rewrite the darn post at the last minute — when the fates made it impossible for me to post until the day AFTER. Hey – we does whats we can, ya’ know — it gave ME a chuckle.

      We’re overdue for a touch-base!! Any chance we could keep it down to an hour or two? (VERY big grin!)


  8. Thanks so much for the support – regrettably your link flipped to a 404 page… if you wish to make it happen please use this one:

    Thanks! Looking forward to the Special Need Interview tomorrow night at the Coffee Klatch! The meds are a special problem for those special kids…


    • Can you spell ADD? I will fix – this info is too good not to be hooked up. Good thing YOU were on it! By the way, your interview with Attention Talk was GREAT but far too short – I could have listened for hours (and would have loved fewer interruptions from either commercial breaks or interviewer.) Alas! Money makes the world go around, I guess.


      • A big long distance hug! You are so sweet, and so much fun! Appreciate you…


        • My pleasure – I’ve been on such a rant of late, I wanted to make sure to get the word out that there were inroads!

          Not that you don’t deserve the support, but I happen to have the time while I’m revamping (aka not totally covered up with classes etc.) – there have been other praise-worthy books that came out when I didn’t.

          I’m currently updating – and I’m planning a section with book reviews as soon as I am able, so I’ll be able to “back-fill” – perhaps with an author interview download (so be prepared to be tapped!) Amazon’s bots keep blowing out my profile for “profanity” — and none of us can figure out what the bot is seeing that we’re not – but I’ve decide to stop “fixing” and start leapfrogging!

          BTW-EVEN though I”m a “whatever works!” girl, we’re on the same page with “Big Pharma” – I agree that they don’t deserve the bashing they’re getting of late (especially SHIRE, who’s been beyond supportive, all the way back to the raw deal with Obetrol!)

          YOUR message is likely to be heard; I’m sometimes afraid mine sounds more like scolding – but it REALLY is a lousy idea to fail to support those who make the meds that allow us to function! The anti-drug lobby needs a rap on the knuckles, not HELP slandering ADD pharmaceuticals! (yes, she actually put that in print – and I know you know who I mean!)

          “Those who don’t remember history are doomed to repeat it.” And I do NOT want to go back to those dark days!!

          Hope you took some time to have a lovely Thanksgiving and relax a bit (Do I need to distinguish that “relax” word for you?)


          • I do, with considerable anticipation, look forward to that interview whenever it happens, and wish I had more time to review the books that pop up as possible contributions. Your work will be much appreciated as so few have time to take the time to hit the details.

            The pharma bashing arises from several sources of misinformation, and this topic does deserve a blog post – in fact will copy and post these few remarks:

            1. From The Past – The Relevance of Transference: The residua of the influence of psychoanalysis as the treatment modality for mind states. Freud’s intelligent understanding of the relevance of transference has left some of the most careful coaches and therapists mixed up about passivity vs activity during the hour – activity, meds, could “mess up the transference and impede interpretation of the unconscious.” In psychoanalysis meds have been verboten for years, and some hesitant loosening of those rules is regretfully slow. The transference from my years of practicing psychoanalysis, seems quite indestructible, and can only be corrupted by overindulgent direct advice – seen way too often in second opinions following psychoanalytic misadventures.

            2. From The New Attention To Addictions – Stimulants and the Addiction Process. As a psych [past] certified in addiction medicine and treated substance abuse for more than 22 years I can report with great certainty that addiction-folk [professionals and those in recovery] still harbor considerable disdain for any med intervention process. Again demonstrating a belief system resistant to change, and tediously slow to consider contemporary biologic neurophysiology in concert with the process of mind. Stimulants do more harm if they are not administered properly – an absolutely pervasive problem – as capricious practice is the unwritten standard of care in ADHD. Far too many write for ADHD meds who have no clue about how they work or what to expect.

            3. From the Speakers for Pharma – Pharma Misrepresentation: Physician/psychiatrist speakers for pharma, seeking more speaking gigs [from more than 15 years of direct observation] have blown that important method of teaching by misrepresenting the science in categorical positive ways, without addressing relevant cautionary materials. Too many mixed money and sales gigs with real medical education.
            This unhappy circumstance arises from two distinct sources:
            1. The pharma company sales team making decisions based upon consultant/academic insights that completely fail to review important literature – e.g. drug/drug interactions.
            2. Physicians basing clinical judgements on appearances, the DSM-4r, not on brain function assessments or neurophysiologic inquiries. These misadventures occur following the process of simply not thinking about thinking. Metacognition as a process of self-and-other observation is now out, but will soon be in. New science does change thinking.

            4. From Public Opinion – The New Biology Seems Unreal: The shift from casual armchair psychodynamic interpretations, based upon populist psychiatric representations [read “gossip”] is is the absolute standard of most public insight. Even the well read love to talk about relationships and see biology as beyond their scope of understanding – thus the pervasive denial. “What you don’t know can’t hurt you – don’t tell me I have a biologic problem.”

            Further, public opinion has been corrupted by all three of the first challenges, as the public is well aware that
            1. transference offers some help as a tool,
            2. addictions are possible with stimulants and imprecise care, and
            3. speakers have encourage the imprecise use of stimulant meds and simple solutions to complex problems.

            All of these observations arise from sequestered perspectives – grasping only a piece of the big picture for ADHD recovery.

            Thanks again,


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