ADD Empathy – 101

Sunday, February 26, 2012 8 Comments

ADDvice for non-ADDers 

Illustration thanks: Paul Lowry via Flickr

TOUGH LOVE

Those who can SEE will never really “get” the struggles of those who cannot - but hey, could you at least TRY to believe what they say is difficult for them to do?

Could you at least TRY to stop offering advice from your sighted paradigm,
especially in that tone of voice that might as well be adding,
“Listen, you idiot, wrap your simple mind around this?”

And if you can’t do that . . .

Keep a sock at the ready and stuff it in your mouth, if that’s what it takes to keep from shoving your “sighted” platitudes down their “what-part-of-BLIND-don’t-you-get?” throats when they tell you that your idea won’t work for them. (TWO socks if you’re a “vanilla” therapist or non-ADD parent talking to your own ADD-flavored offspring.)

Does that sound harsh?

I promise you that is exactly how your tough-love “helpful” suggestions land with your ADD loved ones.

  • I know that because they tell me (and have – over and over – for twenty years now) – in stories that are different but might as well be the same.
    It breaks my heart.
  • I know because that’s how the  ”helpful” suggestions from a few of the ADD clue-free folk I KNOW care for me greatly almost always land with me – even though I’ve never been talked to in the words that some of my clients have heard from people who claim to care about them.

So I have to believe that you REALLY don’t understand that what you believe will be helpful actually has the opposite effect. I promise.

Maybe you will be able to understand just a little bit better with an uncensored, inside glimpse at my own ADD processing. Maybe seeing it in print from someone who might look, from the outside, like she has it together will open your eyes just a little bit wider to how hard your ADDers are trying.  Really.

And maybe just a little bit of understanding from you might make a great big difference in the lives of your ADD loved ones.

It’s worth a shot . . .

Read more of this post

Filed under E2a. Rants; Ruminations, E2b. Midnight Musings, G5k. TimePeace™ Tagged with , , , , , , ,

PLEASE DO NOT BUY

Friday, February 17, 2012 2 Comments

An open letter to my readers and the advertisers I just realized are using this site to promote their products:

I author a no-fee WordPress Blog on WordPress.com

I can’t opt out of your ads – I get that.

Your right to [attempt to] sell to me exceeds my rights in total.  I get that.

You’ve PAID for the privilege.

  • Our world has devolved to the place where cash is king.
  • I must learn to live with that, regardless of my personal feelings about it.
  • My personal dollars have now become my ONLY personal votes.
    My only choice is where I choose to spend them.
  • I will not buy products from obnoxious advertisers. EVER.

A boycott of ONE, joined by others, which may well build to an internet movement if you and the companies you include in your means of making a profit don’t heed the warning of my words.

I can also purchase and use the products and services of advertisers who deserve my patronage as an acknowledgment of their respect for me and for the value of the time and attention of my readers. Until I can afford to out-BUY you, those are my ONLY options.

Read more of this post

Filed under ADD | ADHD | Attention Deficit Disorder, E2a. Rants; Ruminations Tagged with , , , , , , ,

Heartbreaking New York Times ADD Article

Thursday, February 9, 2012 4 Comments

Don’t Drink the Kool-ade

Another wonderful graphic courtesy of aritist/educator Phillip Martin

“Ritalin, like all medications, can be useful when used properly and dangerous when used improperly. Why is it so difficult for so many people to hold to that middle ground?”
~ Dr. Edward Hallowell

Regarding the opinion piece “Ritalin Gone Wrong” by Alan Sroufe, Ph.D.
(NY Times, Jan. 29, 2012):

• You don’t have to believe in medication.
• You don’t have to take it.
• You don’t have to give it to your kids.

You don’t EVEN have to do unbiased research before you ring in with an opinion on medication or anything else having to do with ADD/ADHD.

HOWEVER, when you’re writing a piece to be published in a newspaper with the stature of The New York Times, it is simply unprofessional – of the writer, the editors, and the paper itself — to publish personal OPINION in a manner that will lead many to conclude that the piece quotes scientific fact.  

For a rebuttal, please take the time to read Dr. Hallowell’s blog article in response to Sroufe (linked to his quote, above, and in the “related content” list below). Nothing I could say along those lines could be nearly as eloquent or effective – or charge neutral – as his words.

This post will take another tact, just as soon as I get my feelings off my chest.

I’m appalled.  And bitterly disappointed in what I have always
considered MY hometown paper, regardless of where else in
the United States I lay me down to sleep.

What Happened to the Times?

It’s ironic that this recent article appears in the very paper where, on October 11, 1987, an article in their Magazine Section led to my own diagnosis — and the medication that saved my life.

The day I discovered that article that altered the trajectory of my being forever, I had just spent an hour on the telephone with my best friend Robin, a therapist, sobbing hysterically because my latest attempt to organize my office created such chaos that I found myself in the middle of the room holding a sheet of paper with, literally, no clear space to put it down.

I had, as I’ve learned to describe it, “Boggled.”  Action was impossible.  My whole being was on “TILT,” to use an old pinball term. I was finally desperate enough to stop trying to look good and tell the truth about what life was like for me.

Read more of this post

Filed under ADD | ADHD | Attention Deficit Disorder, E2. Making a Difference, E2a. Rants; Ruminations Tagged with , , , , , , , ,

SPARE me your surveys

Monday, January 30, 2012 5 Comments

“Squares and triangles agree: circles are pointless.”
~ source unknown


At the risk of being accused of bobbing while the rest of the coaching universe weaves, zigging while they zag, I have to ask: is anybody else confounded by the plethora of coaching field “opinion” surveys popping up?

What is it, exactly, they are trying to prove or disprove?   And why?

Perhaps THAT is the question!  

In any case, I find it disturbing.

More than a little dismayed, I’ve been watching the linear take-over of the coaching field for over a decade now — sharing my disdain with only the closest of friends and colleagues until this blog post. But when survey results are announced attached to a name like Harvard, I’m more than a little afraid.  I’ve always thought I could count on the Ivy League to turn out thinkers.

No general disrespect to Harvard intended – or to any of the other organizations undertaking these surveys — but it simply astounds me whenever anyone proceeds as if there might be some discoverable “formula” for anything as person-specific as personal and professional coaching.

Clients come to coaching desiring wild success
“outside” the box,
NOT to learn how to climb inside it.

Formulaic technique rarely yields much to tempt the grown-up palate.  And yet, humankind seems driven to make the holographic linear through quantification.

It matters not to me whether those “formulas” are framed as guidelines, competencies, or laws — or how much “data” has been collected in an attempt to “prove” the point of view of the authors — they have meaning ONLY as jumping-off points for discussions of why nobody follows them as written.

At least, in my opinion, nobody who delivers a quality coaching product attempts to follow them as written.  I tend to side with Solomon.

Read more of this post

Filed under E2a. Rants; Ruminations Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Sis-Boom-Bah!

Thursday, January 12, 2012 Leave a comment

We Need a Pep Rally

I’ve been working my tail off over the holidays, putting together binder materials to support a couple of presentations for the upcoming ACO conference in Atlanta this March (The ADHD Coaches Association).

The presentation that started me thinking about a much needed pep rally is entitled Making the Connection: Brain-based Coaching.

In addition to ADD research, I’ve always kept a watchful eye on the comorbid and “overlapping” fields. Before I put together anything with statistics, I make the rounds one last time - just to see if perhaps they’ve published something relatively new that we haven’t picked up on yet.

As I hopped from website to blog, each developed to support those various other communities (from Autism to Traumatic Brain Injury to Affective Disorders of all types), I kept having the same nagging thought — over and over again, like a broken record:

THEY are supporting their disorders better than we are.

By “supporting,” I mean that they are calling for more research, education, and political support as they share information on how to obtain the services that are available, along with general information and anecdotal support.

I don’t think it’s UNRELATED that ADD is the butt of jokes
that would never be tolerated
if made about any other disability.

And I’m not talking about dinner table humor, here!  I’m talking about pot shots taken by the press, in magazines, on talk shows, and even in presentations sponsored by supposedly credible and uplifting orgazations like TED.

(See my post taking Sir Ken Richardson to task for making fun of ADD
in his “educational” presentation by clicking HERE)

Read more of this post

Filed under A1. The Attentional Spectrum, ADD | ADHD | Attention Deficit Disorder, E2a. Rants; Ruminations Tagged with , , , , , , , , ,

Occupy ADD

Sunday, November 20, 2011 3 Comments

Is Your ADD-Doc GREAT?

We wanna’ know about competent ADD professionals.

How come?  Sadly (shamefully!), we see mounting evidence of a retreat to the ADD Dark Ages, and we need to jerk a knot in its tail and cut off its ugly head!

I have been disheartened, often appalled, by the accounts of patient/doctor and patient/therapist interactions that have been showing up recently on the ADD sites — in increasing numbers!

To say it plainly:

  • If the extent of ignorance we who are looking for help are finding among doctors and therapists who CLAIM to be ADD-specialists existed in any other field, we’d see malpractice suits and lost licenses!
  • There seem to be few AMA “watch dogs” with eyes on what the ADD doctors are doing.
  • Uninformed, non-medically trained government regulators seem to be more concerned with preventing drug abuse than safeguarding access to pharmaceutical interventions for those whose lives are derailed by legitimate, diagnostic disorders, made manageable through consistent access to medication.  Medication shortages are unconscionable.
THIS is not OK with me — and I hope it’s not OK with you, either.

Read more of this post

Filed under A2a Your ADD Treatment Team, ADD | ADHD | Attention Deficit Disorder, E2. Making a Difference, E2a. Rants; Ruminations, E2c. ADD Community Support Tagged with , , , , , , , , , ,

Top Ten Stupid Comments from ADD-Docs

Saturday, November 19, 2011 19 Comments

The Top Ten Stupid Comments
from [supposed]  ADD Professionals

Ten Unfortunate [and recent]  Examples of Ignorance masquerading as Information – and
uninformed personal opinion presented as medical FACT.

First Things First:
Let’s not lump the good ADD doctors and the ones who made these stupid comments together!

They are not the same species AT ALL!

There ARE Many Good ADD-Practitioners:

  • Those who keep up with the latest information, are aware of the studies shortly after they are published, read the journals, participate in practitioner-support lists, and more (and, by the way, most don’t receive a penny for the time it takes for them to stay current!)
  • The ones who attend CH.A.D.D. meetings or ADD conferences to meet more of the population they serve (to hear first-hand anecdotal report of the ADD experience) – again, not activities that help them feed their families or pay their bills
  • Doctors and therapists who host or speak at local support group meetings - mostly pro-bono
  • Many who listen from belief, and perform crackerjack differential diagnoses
  • Others who write books or develop podcasts to educate ADDers and add to the ADD knowledge-base of all ADD Professionals - and BELIEVE me, nobody gets royalty rich from those books!**

Those good ADD Doctors would not only be as appalled as I by the comments below, they will most likely find it difficult to believe that ANY doctor would think, much less say, many of them.

Unfortunately, far too many of you out there in ADD-land know differently.

FAR too many of you have been unable to locate a doctor willing to diagnose or medicate what you are pretty darn sure is ADD – and you have heard one or more of these very comments out of their reluctant, misinformed or down-right IGNORANT mouths.

Read more of this post

Filed under A2. ADD Treatment, A2a(1) Your ADD Doctor, E2a. Rants; Ruminations, F1. ADD Top Tens Tagged with , , , , , , , ,

Got Memory? – Part I

Saturday, September 24, 2011 2 Comments

Memory, Aging and ADD
See also: Senior Moments? – The Heartbreak of CRS

My sleep disorder has me out of phase with the rest of America again.  Bummer!

Since, of late, I seem to be asleep when the rest of America is up and at’em, awake when it seems that all the world’s aslumber, there’s not much to distract me from reading and research – so I’ve been reading a lot lately!

One of the few good things about Living with JetLag™ is that there are periods of time when I can do little else but dive into books I have been too busy to read while I scrambled to catch up with everything missed “off-phase” during those precious times when I am “on-phase” with the rest of you earthlings.

A number of books have come out in the past few years exploring what happens to our brains as we age. Several are exploring “normal” changes, others are looking at brain disorders that seem to strike at middle-age, most notably Alzheimers.

Other than mentioning the link between aging and sleep struggles, which I will explore in another series of posts, the primary focus of most of the books I’m currently ingesting concerns the processes of memory: what happens when they work as expected, and what happens when they don’t.

Two I just finished are:

  • Barbara Strauch’s The Secret Life of the Grown-up Brain
  • Cathryn Jakobson Ramin’s Carved in Sand
    - when attention fails and memory fades in midlife
The timing seems suddenly right for a series of articles on memory and ADD, but before I get into the details, I need to get something off my chest.

Read more of this post

Filed under A1a. Executive Functioning Disorders, A4. Sleep Struggles & ADD, A5e. Memory and Info Processing, ADD | ADHD | Attention Deficit Disorder, E2a. Rants; Ruminations, H. Brain Based Coaching/Training Tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Distinguishing Can’t from Won’t

Tuesday, August 16, 2011 Leave a comment

CAN’T vs. WON’T

A fundamental concept underlying the manner in which I coach individuals with attentional spectrum deficits is a result of the distinction between “can’t” and “won’t.”

Distinguishing articulates the differences between words as they apply functionally

When we distinguish one word from another, we bring to conscious awareness the reality that, while the denotation of two words – the surface, dictionary meaning – might be effectively equivalent, the connotations are quite different.

Connotation – subtext and common usage within sub-groups – always rides along with the denotative (dictionary) meaning of a word, whether or not we intend the emotional “spin,” or whether or not we are aware of it consciously.

A Distinction, as it applies to the coaching relationship,  is a psycho-spriritual subtlety of language, consciously used for the express purpose of facilitating psychological and spiritual growth.

Distinguishing hones functioning as well as thinking.

  • It sharpens listening, language and coaching skills.
  • It helps to form vital neurological connections, ” brain-links” in a way that expands your knowledge base exponentially – rather than in the linear fashion in which we are accustomed to learning.
  • It’s a brain-game that helps build positive-minded neural-net — weakening the bonds of “old tapes” so that we can shape new futures.

My goal, whenever I select a distinction and let my brain loose to blog about it, is “to seed a shift in come-from“ – to illuminate cherished opinions and unconscious habits of thought, hoping to inspire a reframing of underlying assumptions. 

Can’t vs. Won’t

I want to shine a light on the necessity of accepting the behavioral characteristics of ADDers as part of the ADD diagnosis.  For far too long, neurological ADD challenges have been assigned to the provinces of behavior or psycho-analysis.

Read more of this post

Filed under D. Coaching with MGH, E2a. Rants; Ruminations Tagged with , , , , , , ,

RSA Animate – Changing Education Paradigms INDEED!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011 4 Comments

Clever but seriously flawed

“An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.” ~ Winston Churchill

So what’s my beef with
Sir Ken Robinson???

Royal Society of Art’s figurehead, “world-renowned education and creativity expert and recipient of RSA’s Benjamin Franklin award,” as it says in the description under at least one of his cleverly animated lectures on education, posted on UTube.

His content is out of integrity
with what he says he stands for.

Black and white, perhaps, but misinformation in my area of expertise makes me question the sincerity of his quest as well as the validity of the rest of the items in his presentation.

To be truthful, it’s his derision that really gets me, even more than his ignorance.  I have always found it offensive when people attempt to sway others by poking fun rather than profering truth. It’s not funny, really.  It shuts down thinking.  And isn’t his point that we need to do the exact opposite?

Any “education expert” who doesn’t do his homework before formulating his opinion, quickly sliding his ill-researched conclusions into a presentation positioned as transformational knowledge as if they were established  ”fact”
needs SOMEBODY to call him on it.

Dag-nabit! The guy does so many things right. I applaud his vision and agree with so much of what he says — and his real-time drawings are just too darned adorably effective. I’m really sorry I can’t be unconflicted in my support of his work.

I wish I could, but I can’t.  

What I really wish is that I’d never been made aware of him, because I can’t unknow what I’ve recently observed, and I’d be out of integrity myself if I let it slide.

I just HATE being hoist on the petard of an ethical dilemma!

Read more of this post

Filed under E2a. Rants; Ruminations, E2c. ADD Community Support, E2d. ADD and Education Tagged with , , , , , ,

Why Tips and Tricks Fail

Wednesday, August 3, 2011 10 Comments

Many Sizes, Many Solutions
(and w-a-y too many books!)

Cartoon graphic of a male presenter pointing to a chart with the heading, The Solution• Here’s a helpful hint!
• Hey, this will fix it!
• Read THIS particular book.
• Use THAT particular system 

It wouldn’t be a problem if you’d only DO IT . . .
• THIS way
• THAT way
• Some OTHER way
– and follow directions this time! –

Sheesh!  

AND THEN, when you still have your problem, it’s YOUR fault because you didn’t do it “right” –

  • You didn’t do it long enough . . .
  • You didn’t want to badly enough . . .
  • You didn’t align your thoughts with your actions . . .
  • You didn’t say “mother-may-I, pretty-please” before you started!!

Read more of this post

Filed under A5. Tips, Tricks & Techniques, A5f. Organization & Task Completion, E2a. Rants; Ruminations, G5c. Rewrite your Owners Manual™ Tagged with , , , , , ,

Tales from the ADD Dark Side

Saturday, July 30, 2011 Leave a comment

Disability vs. Difference

Universal symbol for "handicapped access" - stick figure sitting on an impression of a wheelchairAs a coaching pioneer, founder of
the world’s first ADD-specific coaching curriculum
(alone in that training endeavor for YEARS),
a founder of the ADD Coaching field itself,
and

the self-professed ADD Poster Girl . . .

I can and will assure you that
there are many gifts that come
with an ADD/ADHD brain.

There are ALSO more than a few CHALLENGES that are rarely understood by those outside the diagnostic population. 

AS I SEE IT, there are far too many posts sprinkled around the internet quibbling over the extent to which ADD is what kind of a disability (affecting “major life activities” negatively), reminding all of us that ADD is not all bad, right?

No matter how well-intended, I believe those posts are
short-sighted and wonder if they aren’t potentially harmful as well.

While it certainly is appropriate — and accurate — to note that *all* disabilities have their silver linings, I believe we ALSO need to take care that we do not ignore the disadvantages in our eagerness to extol the “benefits,”  for any number of good reasons – especially with the “invisible” disabilities.

Three of those good reasons follow below:

Read more of this post

Filed under E2a. Rants; Ruminations Tagged with , , , , , , , , , ,

Creating Community Together

Monday, July 4, 2011 6 Comments

What Goes Around Comes Around

Drawing of a globe encircled by various kinds of people holding handsWhen I began my own ADD journey, many things were very different: many were “worse” — but a few seemed much “better.”

One of the things I miss most is the closeness of the community “back in the day” when it was not so widespread.

Anyone who has read  The Goose Story** on my first website surely knows how VERY much I value community — and how “aggressively” I define that term.  Leading the charge toward its creation has been a spiritual calling — a mission, if you will.

It has been a real heartbreaker to watch the ADD Coaching field I gave up so much to build devolve into what often feels more like a competition than a community - battle of the coach trainings, battle of the websites, battle of the tips and tricks, battle of the treatment approaches, battle of the etiologies – even a battle between various approaches toward coaching in general and ADD Coaching in particular.

I’m hoping that what is beginning to emerge more and more lately portends more of a “coopetition” that means that others are a battle-weary as I.

Yes, we must each take care of paying our bills and supporting our families with what we do with some of the minutes of our lives.

But I have always believed that we would ALL have an easier time of that particular objective by joining forces, rather than “competing for market share.” How about you?

Co-creating the Kind of World We Want

I plan to add to this post with others on the same topic;
I invite those of you with similar views to lift your voices with mine.

Let’s work together for the mutual good of our communities and our planet – becoming resources for each other because it is simply the right thing to do – meaning the thing that will create the kind of world we want – a world that works for EVERYONE.

In addition to blogging about it, I plan to throw my own “shoulder to the wheel” of like-minded individuals in a practical fashion as well – by helping to publicize what they are doing in a number of ways, beginning with the following actions:
——————————–
**If you are NOT familiar with Noyes’ free-verse poem, it’s really worth a look – click on it’s title (above, with the stars), and a new window will open to give you a chance to read it.  VERY inspiring!

Read more of this post

Filed under ADD | ADHD | Attention Deficit Disorder, E2. Making a Difference, E2a. Rants; Ruminations, E2c. ADD Community Support Tagged with , , , , ,

Aspiring to Optimal Functioning

Wednesday, June 29, 2011 Leave a comment

A drawing of a colorful rainbow amid white, fluffy cloudsI Have A Dream . . .

. . . of a time when we have a solution that allows all of us with Attentional Spectrum Deficits to do more than aspire to Optimal Functioning – even though I’m finding it increasingly difficult to believe that I will live long enough to see it.


After TWO DECADES of non-stop advocacy:

We still have far too many people who refuse to believe that ADD is “a real disorder,” despite incontrovertible scientific evidence that overwhelmingly underscores the validity of the ADD diagnosis, including:

  • Medication studies – double-blind, placebo controlled
  • SPECT analysis demonstrating differences in ADD brain
    architecture as well as neurotransmitter functioning
  • Heritability & Twin studies and
  • The identification of several gene markers.

Read more of this post

Filed under ADD | ADHD | Attention Deficit Disorder, E2a. Rants; Ruminations, E2b. Midnight Musings, H. Brain Based Coaching/Training Tagged with , , , , , , ,

Transformational Rant

Saturday, April 23, 2011 Leave a comment

Solar Systems & Paradigms

Men may well be from Mars (and women from Venus), but ADDers and non-ADDers are from two different solar systems!!! 

Like the futility of attempting to explain perfect pitch to a person who is tone deaf, conveying our experience of the world to another is hardly something they will ever be able to comprehend at levels much beyond conceptual – if that.

  • How could a person who is able to distinguish pitches perfectly
    ever really understand the hearing of the person who can’t?
  • And how can the person with average musical ability
    ever understand just how annoying that out-of tune piano is
    to the person who can hear every overtone?

Read more of this post

Filed under ADD | ADHD | Attention Deficit Disorder, E2a. Rants; Ruminations Tagged with , , ,

← Older posts

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 93 other followers