Motivation and Gratitude
Friday, November 29, 2013 11 Comments
– INSPIRATION –
Thank GOD for It!
© Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
from the What Kind of World do YOU Want Series
When life gets tough and we struggle ON
None of us has it easy.
There are far too many days when the weather turns nasty — when life dumps its challenges from some dark cloud up-above just as we pass underneath — and we suddenly find ourselves up to our necks in complications we never saw coming.
ALL of us.
Then what? Do we give in and give up because it seems too difficult to do much of anything else?
Can we imagine soldiering on — even if we have no idea HOW we will continue to put one foot in front of the other day after day?
At times like that we have choices to make. Because life is a CHOICE — and choices can be positive or negative. They can encourage or dis-courage our efforts to keep on keeping on.
Can we find a reason to believe that there is indeed some light at the end of our tunnels without seeing so much as a glimmer of evidence?
What choice can we make that will keep us soldiering on through blackness?
- And sometimes it looks like we HAVE no choice — and that no one understands or cares.
- Too many times, in each of our lives, we search desperately for a much needed gust of wind beneath our wings, straining for awareness of movement at all in air that seems stale and stagnant.
Remember – links on this site are dark grey to reduce distraction potential
while you’re reading. They turn red on mouseover.
Hover before clicking for a box with more info
Comparisons and Contrasts
When we are very, very lucky – even though it is rare to hold that thought in times of struggle – elements of hardship are interwoven with times of success. Efforts to continue moving forward are rewarded, and life looks bright once more. YES!
- When we’re very, very lucky we might be tempted to believe that life always provides evidence that perseverance is rewarded. We build a store of memories to fund forward progress when subsequent hardships come into our lives.
- Only SOME of of the very, very lucky remain aware of the reality that life is not that way for ALL – that they themselves are, in fact, among the group of very, very lucky ones.
- The rest join the ranks of the unconscious. They come to believe that those with lives not quite so fortunate have brought struggle upon themselves somehow – through insufficient resolve, inadequate action, or a failure to believe that their efforts will be met with success.
The unconscious fail to understand that one can only bid the hand s/he is dealt, and that some hands are simply better than others.
One can only do so much in the play of the game — even when one’s game is among the best in the room.
- If our hand consists of smaller cards, and none of them are trump, everyone else must do poorly for us to win.
- Unless, of course, we’re paired with a partner whose hand completes our own, and we are content to sit the game out. In Bridge, that’s the hand they call the dummy.
The unconscious have no experience with a run of crappy cards. Nor can they personally relate to unremitting spates of strife.
With atrophied empathy skills, they fail to realize that, as difficult as it is for those with lucky lives to keep the faith at times of struggle, when hardships come one-after-another-after-another life becomes FAR more difficult.
The unconscious lucky never seem to understand the domino effect — when several things in a row go wrong they take far too many other things down with them. At some point, life begins to look impossible.
Prizefighters can take only so many blows in a row
and remain upright.
It is simply cruel to compare the prowess of the ones that hit the mat to one’s own without counting the blows they sustained before they crumbled — and each deserves the kindness of a hand extended to help them to their feet once more, regardless.
- Lucky people can be cruel. Perhaps they mean well, intending to motivate. Were their cruelty pointed out, they would no doubt double down in defense of their intentions.
- Lucky people find it hard to understand that the words “tough” and “love” rarely make sense yoked together.
Pushing through cruelty
When life itself seems cruel and the people we look to for help and encouragement have been lucky, we must close our ears to their words, reaching deep within ourselves to find the resolve it will take to stand again – blow after blow after blow.
Must we give up? Is the game of life just too hard? Can we imagine continuing to play — even if we have no idea HOW we will continue? Can we find a reason to believe that there is indeed a light at the end of our tunnels without seeing so much as a glimmer of evidence?
Is there a choice we can make to keep us soldiering on through blackness?
- Some people do choose to give up, of course.
- Some reach out for help and support and find a hand that reaches back, just enough help that faith is renewed so they can pick themselves up to begin anew.
- Others continue to fight the good fight, practically alone, in circumstances few of the rest of us could survive.
And some do MORE
I can’t imagine the bleakness of a world without Philanthropists – those angels on earth who are inspired to give of their good fortune – largesse of the highest order.
Their existence alone shames the offspring of Midas who keep score with money — those who lock up their larders of gold to keep them secure during forays to acquire still more.
Because the gifts of the Philanthropists are large and dramatic, uplifting our world in large and dramatic ways, the world responds with public acclamation. The applause for their efforts surely rattles the gates of heaven – as well it should.
Yet those are not the supporters of whom I speak today.
It is long past time for public acknowledgement for those who give, in more than a million public and private venues, despite meager stores themselves.
I am so grateful for your efforts. Each of YOU uplift our world as well, perhaps all the more, since you labor away in relative obscurity.
NOW I want you to put my thank you under a magnifying glass – so it can look so large you can imagine that it had been expressed by so many more of the individuals whose lives are better because of what you, personally, dedicated time from your own busy lives to do.
Yet even those are not the supporters of whom I speak today.
I want to bring this day’s attention to those who spend their LIVES supporting the lives of others – beyond the relative few who are sainted for their efforts – lauded by the press, finally acknowledged by ceremonies in their honor and awards created in their names.
I want to acknowledge those who continue to give when it’s their turn to GET – those who don’t give up when life seems unlivable, who continue to get up every time they are knocked to the mat, who reach out to find no hand reaching back for them — and transform moments of lack of personal success into support for the successes of others.
THAT is no less a miracle than the turning of lead into gold or water into wine.
It’s high time the world became aware of how we manage to do it – so that many more might join us in the endeavors of alchemy when they, too, have reached points where they have no idea HOW they will continue and are tempted to give up.
Those of us who have dedicated our LIVES to making a difference in the lives of others do so because we have a unique response to our personal experiences of just how difficult life can be –
When we can find no wind to sustain our own forward trajectories, we do our best to provide wind for the wings of others. We make that CHOICE.
Unfairly, sometimes life itself responds with the inconceivable expectation that we will always be available as human wind-machines, with nary a thought that we ourselves might need some of what we always give to others.
Nonetheless, we keep on keeping on, most days without getting back even a little of what we so freely give to others
My fellow supporters and I continue to encourage — despite lack of acknowledgement, without ever hearing what many of the individuals go on to DO once we’ve helped them back to their feet, and despite the reality that it is rare to observe that there is any awareness at all of the part WE played in the successes that follow in their lives – day after day after day . . .
. . . far too frequently without so much as a simple “Thank you”
. . . and sometimes in the face of feedback that we aren’t giving enough
. . . or in the ways that would work BETTER for the ones to whom we give for free.
We rarely call them out for their unenlightened self-interest.
It would be far too easy to dismiss those times when we would like to call them out as yet another encounter with the takers – although perhaps too many of them do feel entitled to continue to receive from life’s energy without participating in energy’s flow by passing it on without price tag attached.
We can’t afford to think thoughts like that – at least not very often. We’d drown.
We make a more positive CHOICE.
- We CHOOSE to believe that our efforts make a difference in the world.
- We CHOOSE to believe that others feel the gratitude they don’t express to us.
- We CHOOSE to believe they are passing it on, and that the world is slowly becoming a better place because WE have been able to do what we do – whether or not we will be alive to see the blossoms or taste the fruit from the seeds that we have scattered.
Supporting the supporters
I hope that my name will be written in God’s ledger book under “Angel Support” – my actions have certainly put me in contention for that honor. And I’ve certainly received precious little in return, compared to the great deal that, to borrow Oprah’s favorite phrase, I know for sure that I have given in support of this world we share.
But I could NEVER have done it completely ALONE.
The times that I simply could not have carried on one more step with ONE more knock, there has always been someone to pour water into my empty pitcher, so that I could continue to make the CHOICE to offer precious drops to those thirstier than I.
Despite the fact that many of them are struggling themselves, they set their lives aside to gift some time to me – making the CHOICE to offer a few precious drops from their own nearly empty pitchers. Because that’s simply what they DO.
To express my gratitude, I want to end this article with portions of a longer comment – a feast prepared especially for me on Thanksgiving Day – because I know many of you rarely visit the sites I link, and fewer still take the time to read the comments there.
And I want everyone to read it.
In gratitude – honoring a Day of Gratitude
A TBI advocate and colleague extended his hand to me with the following response to my own most recent cry for help. He blogs under the name BrokenBrilliant on the blog of the same name, through which he supports others who are struggling with Traumatic Brain Injuries.
It is part of a comment conversation inspired by his recent article,
“When in doubt, why give a sh*t?“
Click the title of his article to read the full response — AFTER you’ve read the article itself – another of the well-written, always heart-felt and emotionally vulnerable articles you will find there — in addition to a great deal of information and explanation designed to help.
You will also find the cry for help that inspired his response to me and a loose agreement to join together in a gratitude project you may be interesting in taking on yourselves.
THANKS BB for being the wind beneath MY wings on Thanksgiving 2013 – not much else went right.
You made the TOP of my Turkey Day gratitude list ~ mgh
Using the infinite mind to overcome the limits of the brain … Experience-Based Brain Injury (Concussion, TBI, ABI, Stroke)
Survival Strategies and Tactics
I can really relate to a lot that you’ve written. You should know that you have a way of popping up to comment or contribute something, just when my resolve and determination is running at a low ebb, and I’m thinking this awareness stuff isn’t worth much of anything in the grand scheme of things.
But when I look back at the comments people have left here, and I search for “thank you” in my comments, 150 comments come back, and I think about the people who have said what a difference it makes to hear others say out loud what they have been experiencing… and I change my mind about whether or not this is worth it.
It is totally worth it. And for different reasons than I think we suspect.
I’ve been giving a lot of thought, lately, to people who go the extra mile to do for others. They carve time out of their schedules, they sacrifice social activities and fun, and they seriously inconvenience themselves, so they can be of service to others. It’s a calling.
They (or more accurately, WE) can no sooner escape it, than we can escape our eye color or the shape of our bones. We put ourselves out there and do what needs to be done, because it’s part of something bigger than ourselves — be it official service, or a sense of duty, or just this inescapable need to do *something* to help.
And we can lose ourselves in that Work.
The thing is, I really believe that when we lose ourselves, we are truly found. And in the doing of the difficult — without glitz and fanfare — we enlarge our souls far more than they ever would have been, had we stayed comfortably ensconced in our party life, our fun times, our inexplicable resignation to just living day to day because we could never see another way to live.
We’re a bit like Adam and Eve standing outside the Garden gates, exposed and vulnerable and blinking in the bright sunlight, cut off from paradise… wondering if the knowledge we have gathered was really worth it, thinking that the apple didn’t taste all *that* good, but we did partake, so there you have it.
As for those snake oil salesmen who peddle their made-up knowledge for large sums of money… God, how I resent them. And not only because they’re benefiting unjustly, but also because of all the people they lead astray. It makes me nuts. Livid, actually (so I can’t think about it that much).
Maybe they believe in what they’re doing, maybe not. In any case, they are a fact of life in the helping “line of business”, so the best we can do is just keep steady and hold the line. I do have hopes of one day discovering a philanthropist or organization which will financially support independent researchers and bloggers like us, who help others as a way of life.
But I’m not holding my breath. Maybe we can find another way… I just don’t know. It seems like all the money is on a select few…
- – – snip – – -
But back to the Work. What you do does matter. What I do does matter. It’s funny, isn’t it, how we look back so many years down the line, and we realize it would have been nice if we’d gotten at least some compensation for our work.
When we’re young, the idea of making a change can seem like enough of an emotional paycheck. But we don’t stay young forever, and our needs and expectations change.
I am personally very thankful for your work, and I am sure that it has benefited many people who otherwise have no access to good information or a model for dealing with their lives. I’m hopeful that eventually someone will realize what a service individual bloggers provide, and will organize a way to support them and their work.
It’s a hope, anyway.
But enough of my talk – – snip – – Hang in there and don’t let the season get you down. All the bright colors and hustle and bustle and commercialism plays havoc with my sensory issues, so I have to lay low and block it out.
Here’s to a good end to the year, and an even better start to the next!
Happy Thanksgiving and all the best.
© 2013, all rights reserved
Check bottom of Home/New to find out the “sharing rules”
As always, if you want notification of new articles in this Series – or any new posts on this blog – give your email address to the nice form on the top of the skinny column to the right. (You only have to do this once, so if you’ve already asked for notification about a prior series, you’re covered for this one too). STRICT No Spam Policy
IN ANY CASE, do stay tuned.
There’s a lot to know, a lot here already, and a lot more to come – in this Series and in others.
Get it here while it’s still free for the taking.
Want to work directly with me? If you’d like some coaching help with anything that came up while you were reading this Series (one-on-one couples or group), click HERE for Brain-based Coaching with mgh, with a contact form at its end (or click the E-me link on the menubar at the top of every page). Fill out the form, submit, and an email SOS is on its way to me; we’ll schedule a call to talk about what you need. I’ll get back to you ASAP (accent on the “P”ossible!)
You might also be interested in some of the following articles
available right now – on this site and elsewhere.
For links in context: run your cursor over the article above and the dark grey links will turn dark red;
(subtle, so they don’t pull focus while you read, but you can find them to click when you’re ready for them)
— and check out the links to other Related Content in each of the articles themselves —
Related articles right here on ADDandSoMuchMore.com
(in case you missed them above or below)
- Until they believe they can, they can’t
- Can’t vs Won’t
- Domino Problems
- Broken Brain – Brilliant Mind Landing Page
- 84 ways TBI can make life interesting
- When in doubt, why give a sh*t?
- Sound Sensitivity and Sensory Integration
- Shifting Your Come-from
Others who SUPPORT various communities (and me!) – THANK YOU!
- Brain Injury Self Rehabilitation (Edie Flickenger’s blog)
- What Kind of World Do You Want? (Jim Lord’s site)
- Leading Consciously (Jean Latting’s website)
- Jean Latting’s blog
- What is Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome? (Jane Sherwin’s site)
- CorePsych (Dr. Charles Parker’s site – alphabet community psychopharmacology & gut/brain guru)
- TheDr.com (Dr. Dr. Tom O’Bryan’s site – gluten sensitivity)
- Introducing the Circadian Sleep Disorders Network
- CSD-N.org — The Website of the Circadian Sleep Disorders Network
- Questions and answers about Non-24
(delayed2sleep.wordpress.com – DSPS/DSPD supports as well)
- Introducing The Brain Science Podcast [BSP] – (Dr. Ginger Campbell’s site)
- Complete list of BSP episodes
- List of the people interviewed on BSP
- BSP pdf transcripts – at NO charge!
- Phillip Martin: artist, educator
- Phillip Martin’s ‘s website - supporting educators everywhere
- WebValence Internet Partners - Marty & Eddie Crouch
- Heeeere’s Hazel! – Online Communities for Mutual Support
- Hazel Owen’s Ethos Consultancy Homepage (ICT Enhanced Learning & Development)
- ADDerWorld – Folks Like US! (Bryan Hutchinson’s ADD Playground)
Posts on Gratitude
- thoughts on gratitude (philosophy.com)
- A Gratitude 180 (outlawmama.com)
- Gratitude isn’t an obligation to others; it’s a gift to yourself that will enrich your life. (nexusofnow.wordpress.com)
- Gratitude from a Loving Heart (michaelcupo40.wordpress.com)
- One Lucky Turkey! (fearlesspuppy.wordpress.com)
- Gratitude is more than simple sentiment – it is the motivation that can save the world (qz.com)
BY THE WAY: Since ADDandSoMuchMore.com is an Evergreen site, I revisit all my content periodically to update links — when you link BACK, like, follow, or comment on the article, you STAY on the page. When you do not, you run a high risk of getting replaced by a site with a more generous come-from.