ADD Thanksgiving Rules
Friday, November 25, 2011 14 Comments
The ADD/ADHD Post Thanksgiving Rules*
by Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, CTP, CMC, ACT, MCC, SCAC
*With a nod and congrats to Dr. Charles Parker, whose ADHD Medication Rules
hit #1 on Amazon in both Neuroscience and Psychopharmacology!! Check it out!
LET’s HEAR IT FOR THE GIRL!
See the smiling creature presiding over a platter full of a feast’s worth of turkey and vegetables?
For all the ADDers who don’t pay attention to such things — and, where Turkey Day is concerned, let’s conscript anyone who wasn’t doing the Turkey Trot him or herself (um, by the way, I’m not referring to the RUN!) — let’s take a moment to be thankful for the hostess (aka, chief cook and bottle washer).
Bless her ever-lovin’ turkey-basting heart, she probably planned, and cleaned, and shopped, and cleaned, and cooked and baked (and cleaned) with most of her spare time for a solid week prior to our collective “please pass more of that amazing gravy” orgasm.
(Did I remember to mention the time she spent cleaning?).
And no sooner were the rest of us patting our tummies and swearing we couldn’t eat so much as another bite, she was at it again — clearing the table, scraping and rinsing the plates, loading the dishwasher (if she’s lucky enough to have one*), and doling out dessert forks and plates while attempting to excavate The Detritus of Turkey Past to locate a teensy stretch of counter space large enough to make the coffee, cut the pies and whip some cream.
Oh yeah, did I mention the cleaning part of this
particular movement of the Turkey Tarentella?
And almost before the last little plate hits the table, she’s back to the verse: clear the table, scrape and rinse the plates, load the dishwasher (if she’s lucky enough to have one), hand-wash the stuff that won’t fit, all the while praying she gets things under control before the next wave knocks her off her feet (aaahhhh, sweet relief!).
But of COURSE, my dear, your wish is my command!
And it’s back to the scullery for the maid.
She lives to serve.
Parcel the Plastic
Penultimately comes the time to dish out the leftovers for those who need to leave immediately after dinner because THEY have long drives home, don’cha know [hug, hug, kiss-kiss, you too, safe home].
Then it’s back to the kitchen to put the leftover leftovers in their own little plastic condos and rearrange the ‘fridge for the eighteenth time this week to make room for everything that needs to fit inside that big cool box to keep, according to the CDC, little beasties from multiplying to food poisoning proportions.
And JUST about the time everything is under control the second wave lands on her beach.
I find it amazing we don’t get more Post-Prandial Press on emergency room bloat due to Turkey Moms everywhere losing it totally, delivering Karate Kid kicks to semi-conscious butts sticking out of refrigerators all over America!!
Are you feeling sufficiently guilty yet?
Great! Because THAT nasty feeling is what the ADD Post Thanksgiving Rules are designed to take care of!
Besides, like most of the rest of America, I’m sure you did some little something.
Maybe you even did it graciously — or without being asked!
Hey, you might be one of the 10% who wiped the crumbs off the counter and put away the milk and the Miracle Whip™ before you wandered off with your first I-have-room-for-just-a-little-more sandwich.
And I’ll bet you brought those dishes back to the kitchen and took care of them yourself, rather than leaving them on the counter for Turkey Mom to handle, didn’t you?
Perhaps you are EVEN one of the ones who consider yourself Galley-Slave #1.
‘Sokay — I promise that Turkey Mom did a hundred times more than you noticed.
(If you don’t believe me, ask the Turkey Mom in your house — even if, in your house, “Mom” is actually Dad!)
So, guess what?
Turkey Mom gets this week t-totally OFF: no cooking for others, no cleaning up after others, and absolutely NO step-and-fetch-it for anybody else what-so-ever!
Hey — stuff your oppositional ADD reaction — that’s THE
NUMBER ONE-and-practically-only ADD POST-THANKSGIVING RULE!
(everything ELSE is a codicil)
So you know what THAT means, don’t you? Everybody else gets to chip in to take responsibility (jointly) for what Turkey Mom does all by her lonesome the entire rest of the year.
Hey – that means YOU, Mister as-soon-as-I-finish-updating-my-FaceBook-profile!
How else do you think you develop true appreciation and gratitude?
- If you didn’t begin your Remembrance of Turkey Past AM emptying the dishwasher (if Mom is lucky enough to have one*), or finishing yesterday’s dishes by hand . . .
turn off the tube and go do it right now!
- Eating left-overs? Put everything back in the ‘fridge, closing the left-over containers securely first, wipe those crumbs off the counter, rinse the make-me-a-sammie cutlery and put it in the empty dishwasher (or wash, dry and put away if Mom is NOT lucky enough to have one*), and while you’re working on KP, let Mom enjoy that sandwich — delivered with a big thank you kiss!
(Hmmmm – next time I bet you remember to make one for her while you make one for yourself, huh?)
- Not hungry yet? How about working up an appetite by stripping the guest beds and throwing the sheets in the wash (along with the Thanksgiving table cloth, pot holders, guest towels – get the idea?)
Be sure to set a timer so you don’t forget to take them out and throw them in the dryer — and another to remember to go back to grab ‘em when they’re dry.
Big-time Bonus: folding laundry is a GREAT front-of-the-tube task — and taking the piles where they belong is a great way to work up an appetite for another plate of leftovers!
- Little kids in your house? Don’t forget who gets to handle their little chores this week, OK?
USE YOUR HEAD!
She’s gonna’ NEED that rest and recovery time to get ready for what comes next!
- Starting TODAY, Turkey Mom has exactly one month before she has to do it all again for Christmas!
- Hanukah Moms have even less time to get it together for the next round of holidays!
to buy that poor woman a DISHWASHER!
UPDATE: CLICK HERE FOR: 11/27/11 ARTICLE detailing issues raised in article comments below
ADHD, Big Pharma, and The Non-Science of Denial
- Thanksgiving Rules & Regulations (readsela.com)
- Lady Veronica Rules for Thanksgiving Day…. (ladyvluv1908.wordpress.com)
- Thanksgiving Dinner Manners (socialcouture.typepad.com)
- DO NOT RINSE YOUR TURKEY! And other Thanksgiving food rules for every day (25hoursblog.wordpress.com)
- World’s Dumbest Thanksgiving Diet Advice (joshsgarage.typepad.com)
- ABOUT Thanksgiving (Wikimedia)
- ABOUT Turkeys (Wikimedia)
- Thanksgiving History (History.com)